Dwight: My cousin came down with a case of that nasty new goat fungus... the doctor says he's never seen it beard so quickly.
Jim: I do not plan on helping unless it's a boy.
Michael: I put diesel in this time. Trying to save some money.
Michael: Don't get revenge on me, nerd.
Kelly: Labor can last weeks. And they take your insides out and they just plop 'em on a table.
Michael: When I was a kid, my mom received compliments left and right from my teachers on how I was always able to distract others in the class.
Phyllis: I can put on lipstick the way Molly Ringwald does in The Breakfast Club.
Kevin: For the love of God, Pam, do it for Ultra-Feast!
Kevin: Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt.
Phyllis: I have a shirt like that in my car.
Angela: No Star Trek names.
Dwight: Ambulances are emergencies only. You call the ambulance, I call the cops.
Oscar: The hospital will provide dictionaries. Bring a thesaurus.
Michael: Gotta go wash my eyes. That kid's gonna have a lot of hair.
Michael (to baby): Michael. Michael.
Jim: That's so weird. She was just saying it before you got here.
Andy: I'm going to ask out Erin. I'm just waiting for the stars to align. Literally. I have a small skylight in my bedroom, and I'd like for the moon to be visible.
Michael: I am going to fill that empty hole in your body with another person. And, like Cupid, I am going to shoot you with love.
Jim: You're pushing the milk out, right?
Kevin: You will learn to love me.
Pam: Oh my God. Wrong baby.
Dwight: I know that I'm an adult, but maybe I could come by some time for a teeth cleaning, you know, just for fun.
Andy: The fax says "Erin, will you have dinner with me? From Andy" and the number is our office fax number.
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