Task: Create a radio ad and jingle for tuna
KOTU: Jesse and Joan, led by Clint
Athena: Brande, led by Annie
Eyes and Ears: Ivanka and Junior
Outcome: Athena wins for giving the executives what they wanted
Fired: Clint, for failing to listen; Brande, for for not having what it takes; and Jesse, for holding back on fundraising.
Donation: $20,000 to Refugees International.
I'll point out that even though Melissa claimed last week that she was suffering from torn tendons, she had no trouble scampering around to make a scene after she was fired. Now to the present.
Jesse doesn't think Joan will come back. Annie and Brande vent about Melissa and Joan. Brande hopes Joan comes back so she can beat her.
Clint talks about his charity. Rett Syndrome claimed the life of his niece Courtney at age 16. She wasn't able to take care of herself or communicate for her entire life. He calls his brother, Kevin. Clint doesn't know that Kevin is right outside the door. He comes into the room, surprising Clint. Clint gives his brother the check. Kevin is touched. They hug.
The teams meet for the next task, minus Joan. Trump comes in with his son and daughter and two executives from a tuna company. Joan steps off the elevator, saying her taxi was late but her team shouldn't suffer for something that's personal. She came back to win. Trump congratulates her and says if somebody did something to his kids, they would have a problem. Annie gripes to us and calls Joan a complete bitch.
The tuna jingle is more than 50 years old. The teams need to compose a new jingle using some of the old lyrics, as well as a 30-second radio ad. Annie laughs and whispers to Brande that Clint won a Grammy award. Brande wonders how they'll compete with that. She tells us, "holy S-R-A-P." She laughs. (She meant to say "crap" and spell "shit," but she got mixed up. Sorry, but I couldn't "foregoo" the chance to make fun!)
Annie asks if they can have Clint for their project manager. Annie is going to be the project manager because Brande was last time. Joan nominates Clint as their project manager. They all think he will do well.
Joan says Clint should be the project manager for KOTU, and she and Jesse can work on the commercial. Jesse says he likes Clint now, so he can be the project manager. Joan think she'll do a funny ad. I'm not sure where this leaves Jesse.
Athena prepares
Annie and Brande are both upset, because neither is musically inclined. Brande is worried about a trip to the boardroom, but they feel a little better after doing some research at the website.
They are the first to meet with the executives. They are told that their biggest decision makers are women with families. Annie asks for three key words to describe the product. The execs say natural, healthy, and convenient. Annie feels confident about the commercial; it'll be moms having a conversation at a soccer game. She's still nervous about the jingle.
Athena goes to the studio. They compare singing voices. Brande's is even worse than Annie's. Brande laughs so hard that she cries. (I give her credit for being able to laugh at herself - something many of her competitors, especially Claudia and Melissa, were unable to do.) They struggle with lyrics and rhyming. Annie suggests "why don't you smell my rubber glove" to rhyme with "for the ones you love." Annie feels better after blowing off a little steam during the van ride.
Annie finally comes up with some lyrics for the jingle. They're about moms feeding lunch to their kids. Brande attempts to sing it, which makes it sound awful. Annie comes up with text for the ad too, and finally gets it down to 30 seconds. Brande sings in jubilation.
Junior visits Athena. Annie says they're not despairing even though the other team has Clint. Junior asks them what they can do that KOTU can't. Annie says they're usually better than KOTU at branding. She's a mother who feeds her kids. But she's worried because the client is looking for a jingle, and Clint is singing the other team's jingle. Junior tries to encourage them. Brande asks him if he wants her to wear a mermaid costume tomorrow. He replies, "as skimpy as possible." Somehow he sounds less smarmy than his father when he talks that way.
Brande and an actress read through the commercial in the recording booth. Annie trusts that Brande will do a good job even though she's not very creative.
Annie works with the musician to get a tune. It's coming along, but Annie is getting discouraged. Then, suddenly, they seem to have a jingle. Annie notices that the musicians in the room the musicians also seem to like it. It's upbeat and jingle-icious. Annie is proud of herself for having written a song. She says she's written an amazing jingle. She gloats that Clint won't do much better.
The next day, Annie and Brande are excited as they prepare for the presentation and run through the jingle with their singer.
Annie over-explains the jingle to the execs, saying that it's perky and stresses trust, health, freshness, and convenience. It's both nostalgic and contemporary, and they have a woman singing the jingle because of their customer base. Maddy comes out and sings the song. Then Annie introduces the radio spot and explains that to them too. Brande thinks the presentation went well. Annie walks off to the sound of their jingle. Annie is proud of herself for overcoming her self-doubt. If she loses, she'll at least know that she did something incredible. Brande weeps with relief afterwards.
KOTU prepares
Clint asks the execs about "bullet points" and the use of humor. They tell him to communicate health, convenience, and fun. One of the execs recognizes that Clint has different skills than the other team and has high expectations.
Jesse says he needs to figure out how to work with Clint. He has a Nashville-themed suggestion for the jingle, which Joan nixes already. Clint asks for more ideas. Joan predicts that the commercial will not be funny, and that she will be upset, and they will lose.
Clint is excited that they'll be working in a studio instead of a kitchen or a loft. Joan and Jesse work on the commercial. Clint starts working on the song. He starts each line with "naturally," because part of their message was about the products being good for you naturally. It's a very, very mellow tune. Joan and Jesse like it. Joan says it was a magical moment and Jesse says it's catchy.
Clint works with the band. Joan asks Jesse if it shouldn't be a little more peppy. Jesse agrees about the tempo. Joan encourages Jesse to make the recommendation to Clint before it's too late. Jesse realizes that Joan is using him to make the suggestions. He suggests that they do a faster version and Clint agrees. It's faster, but still very mellow.
Clint thinks the faster version sounds too hurried. He believes he's gotten better at "making the team feel like I am listening," but he reserves the right to say no to their ideas. He tells the band he doesn't like the slower version. Joan makes a face.
Joan wants a clucking chicken and a splash at the end of KOTU's jingle. Clint laughs, but refuses to put it in the ad. He's worried that the executives would be offended by making fun of their image and doesn't want to take the risk.
He plays the jingle for Ivanka. She says it sounds beautiful, but perhaps a little too classic or old-fashioned. She asks if that's what the execs wanted. Clint admits that they wanted something contemporary. (This risk doesn't worry him.) Ivanka tells us it will be a matter of whether or not Clint listened to the executives. It's a continuing problem for him. He says he wanted something that was lazy and sing-songy and sticks in your head.
Clint comes up with a mildly funny, cutesy idea for the ad, with a running joke about someone who keeps saying "did you know" in a booming voice and is answered with lots of health facts about the product, and then after hearing all the facts, says "I did knot know that!"
They get two voice actors. The woman is the "did you know" voice, and a man recites the facts. Then the woman says "I did not know that!" Jesse says the woman is really good, but the man's voice is too subdued. Joan and Jesse run through it with Jesse doing the "did you know" voice instead. Their version is much better. They turn it back to the voice actors.
After a few seconds of listening to the voice actors some more, Joan and Jesse step outside. Joan says they can do it better themselves. She suggests that they let the actors do another take, then send them home and do the ad themselves. Jesse jokingly replies, "did you know we were going to be better," but Joan totally misses the schtick from their ad and fails to reply "I did not know that!" or even crack a smile. Ah well.
Meanwhile, Clint works on the slow version of his jingle. Joan wants him to bless the commercial so she can go home and go to bed. Clint has a hard time tearing himself away from the jingle, but once he does, Jesse and Joan do the commercial. After two takes in just seven minutes, Clint seems happy with the commercial and goes back to his music.
Next morning, they rehearse for the presentation. Joan wants to walk the sign past the execs while he sings. He doesn't really want to discuss it. Joan gets grumpy. She suggests the cluck-cluck-cluck-splash again. In light of that, he's now in favor of her walking the sign past as long as she does so silently. Offended, she tells him she's the world's number one icon in comedy. He tells us that she needed to be reined in. He nixes the cluck-splash thing yet again.
Jesse introduces Clint, but does not provide a long preamble explaining the jingle. Joan walks by with the sign. Clint sings the song with four backup singers. Then they play the commercial. Clint wants to win more money for his charity. Joan walks across the stage with the card again. The execs smile, and Joan feels good about what they did. She doubts that the girls will do better, but she makes some snide comments about Annie anyway.
The postmortem
Trump says Clint had an advantage. Clint says it was his favorite task. He thinks they did well, it's hard to know what the executives will like, but he feels proud. He thinks they took a chance with with the ad because of the "outrageous voiceover style."
Trump asks Annie if they were at a disadvantage competing with Clint. Annie says they found their hearts and decided together that they were going to do it. They did the ad first to get their confidence up, but they still think the jingle is better.
Trump wants to hear Athena's jingle. They sing along with the recording. Annie and Brande sing along. Then they play the commercial. Annie is proud of Brande. Joan admits that it's adorable. Clint says he's not surprised. He believes that "everybody has music in them." Trump agrees that Annie has some musical ability, but Brande doesn't!
Jesse likes KOTU's ad better. Joan doesn't like straight commercials. Trump asks Joan if she likes their jingle. She says yes, she is still humming it. They listen to the KOTU jingle. Annie looks smug. Clint smirks. They play the commercial. Annie says theirs is very different, and it depends on what the execs want.
Junior says the execs thought Athena matched all of the criteria in the jingle, and they liked the moms talking about fast freshness and convenience. However, although they mentioned the cups, they didn't mention the pouches. Trump is surprised that they put tuna in a pouch, and Junior has to explain that tuna is sold in pouches.
Ivanka says the execs loved the KOTU jingle's performance, and they liked the focus on naturalness and health, and they loved the comedy in Joan's commercial. But they didn't think that everybody likes country music, and there wasn't enough focus on the convenience of the product.
Trump says the executives preferred Annie and Brande's work. They respected Clint, and they loved the song, they loved his voice, they loved his performance, but they thought the country music was too limited for the group of people they were trying to reach. Clint says that's fair.
Athena wins. Annie gets another $20,000 for Refugees International. Annie weeps for joy. She's almost speechless with delight. Trump sends them out of the suite. Annie is still sniffling. She and Brande are both crying.
Outside, Annie tells Brande that when she heard that Clint's was country, she knew they had a chance. Annie is crows about beating Clint Black in a songwriting contest. She brags that she was never brought back into the board room, and she's raised 30% of the money in the game.
Brande is stunned. She can't believe she's in the final four. She thinks it's pretty funny now that Joan called her a dumb blonde.
The boardroom
Trump says he loves Clint's jingle. Maybe he even likes it better than Annie's, but the decision was up to the executives. Ivanka did like Clint's better, and was surprised that they lost. She says it comes down to listening to the executives and their message. They only mentioned the product name once, while Athena mentioned it three times. Joan says Athena's was more peppy, but KOTU's is easier to sing. Annie and Brande gripe in the suite that everyone was singing theirs all day.
Jesse says they worked together and didn't fight, but it still wasn't a "creative working environment" and they couldn't argue with Clint because he's acclaimed as a country star. Trump asks if Clint listened to their ideas. Jesse says a little bit - they got him to record some faster versions, but they didn't use those.
Junior asks if they could have gotten more into the jingle if they'd gone faster. Trump asks Joan why the commercial didn't talk about convenience. Not answering the question, Joan says it needed a punchline, but Clint wouldn't let her do it. Joan explains about the cluck cluck cluck splash. Trump doesn't smile. Brande and Annie think it's awful. Clint says he didn't want to put that image on their product.
Ivanka says they thought it was funny already, and if they'd gone a step further, the execs probably wouldn't have liked it. So they probably did the right thing there.
Trump asks Joan who he would fire. She doesn't want to answer, but Clint tells her it won't hurt his feelings. She says it would be Clint.
Trump says Joan wanted more "snap" in the jingle, and maybe that's one of the reasons they didn't win. Trump says Clint has lost before and he "really called" this one, so Clint is fired.
In the suite, Annie laughs that he just got beat by a poker player who's never sung anything in her life.
Clint tells us he knew he was going as soon as Athena won. He tells Joan to stop being mean to people. He says he learned about his people skills and that "life is too short to be around people that you don't enjoy." He doesn't have time for anything that isn't good for him.
Annie dreads Joan's return to the suite. She wants to celebrate being in the final four, but she feels that Joan is ruining the admosphere. Jesse makes congratulatory small talk with Annie and Brande. Joan gripes to us that Annie spells team "TIIIIIIEAM."
Annie feels sorry for Clint. Jesse says it's easier to be friends than to fight the whole time. Isn't that right? he asks Joan. Joan doesn't take the bait and walks out of the room. Jesse says, "I guess it's just me and you bitches" to Annie and Brande. He offers to play checkers with them. Three-way checkers? Annie says it was like there was a cancer in the room, and then the cancer walked out of the room and she is so proud of herself.
The final four
They are called down to the board room so that Trump can fire two more people. They'll each be interviewed by Piers Morgan. Trump says he was criticized last year for picking him as the winner, but he's going to strongly rely on Piers.
Brande
Piers tells Brande that some people say she's not the smartest tool in the box; it's insulting. She replies that Joan said that Annie said that, but Annie denies it, and Joan even said during the earlier tasks that Brande was the star in the challenges. She knows she's bright.
He says everyone likes her, and nobody likes him, but he won. Does she think that being Miss Nice Guy will win her the whole thing? She says no, that's how she is; she's just nice.
He asks if winning would be a big two fingers up to people who don't approve of her background and fight the dumb-blonde stereotype. She says yeah, sure. She wants to win for her kids, but that would be nice too. She'll defend herself to the very end, whatever it takes to win.
Piers tells Trump that she's not smart enough, and it would demean the show if she made the final. She's not up for it.
Joan
Trump asks about Joan. Piers thinks that she's smart, and has a lot of stamina for her age.
Joan loves having a task and doing it fast. Piers tells Joan she's a survivor, but the others are saying she's a quitter because of the way she reacted to how Melissa was treated. She says she's not a quitter; at 75 she's accomplished a lot, and she has the principles to defend her daughter above everything else because it's family first even over Trump's judgment. Her family were all killed by Nazis, and she doesn't like Annie, and it's Melissa and her against the world.
He asks if she doesn't like Annie because she's a poker player. Joan says that's all she is, a poker player, and she's manipulative. Piers says she's the best in the world, and she's playing Joan like a viola. Joan says she's a "mean, vicious, divide-and-conquer person." Piers asks if she regrets calling her Hitler. Joan says yes, because she doesn't have a mustache. She should've called her Eva Braun.
Piers asks what Joan would do if it was her versus Annie. Joan says she'd kill to win. She'd roll all ball up a hill with no arms and legs and even with her tongue to win.
Piers tells Trump that her attack on Annie is "extraordinary" and over-the-top. He doens't think the mother-and-daughter relationship should come into a business competition. Trump says that for her age, the energy is amazing. Piers agrees.
Annie
Piers tells Trump that Annie is she's probably the smartest contestant in a long time. (There have been only two seasons of Celebrity Apprentice.) Trump says she seems nice, but she's probably not, and they really go after her.
Piers interviews Annie. He asks what she thinks about being the one to beat. She says she's played the game as well as she can, and very committed charity. She'll ask anybody anything in order to raise money for charity. As for Joan, she's pretty much everything she says about anyone in the board room. She's very personal. Annie chooses not to be personal. They're just different styles about how they talk. She never gets upset or personal in the boardroom.
Piers asks if she thinks she's smarter than others. Annie says, for example, that they were crazy to let her project-manage a fund-raising task because they know from past experience that she would never be fired for losing one. They don't understand the game, and she's good at games. There's none of this Joan-and-Melissa stuff.
Piers tells Trump that for Joan to be so personal is every poker player's dream. As long as Annie has the money, she doesn't care what you say about her.
Jesse
Piers complains to Trump that Jesse doesn't bring in any money despite his showbiz connections. Sandra Bullock chose him, so he must have something going on.
Jesse tells Piers he wants to prove that working-class regular people can achieve the same things as someone with a suit. Piers says he doesn't lead a working-class lifestyle; he's married to a movie star, he has a glamorous life. Jesse says it's a pretty regular life, and he happens to have a wife that does a certain job.
Piers doesn't understand how he was able to land Sandra Bullock. He asks Jesse if he wants to win. Jesse wants to win. Piers asks why he won't call up rich famous friends and ask them for cash. Are they stingy, or is he irritated that he should hammer his wife for money? Jesse says he keeps his personal life personal.
Piers says it's for charity. Jesse understands, but he's been busting his ass doing his job and other peoples jobs. Piers says it's mostly about raising money for charity. Jesse says it's primarily about getting a job done and not fighting with teammates. If you win the task, then you don't get fired.
Piers tells Trump that Jesse looked like he wanted to kill him with his bare hands when he talked about getting money from his wife, and Piers would like to see some of that energy in the game.
Piers says that whoever does get to the finale deserves to be there because they would've gone through "one of the toughest things that any human being should ever go through."
Wow, what a lightweight thing to say. A lot of people are out of work right now and/or losing their homes. The troubles of a bunch of petty bickering celebrities doesn't really compare with that.
Another boardroom
Annie says Piers was awesome. She feels she deserves to be in the final two because she won the most of any project manager. She had two wins, and her last one was against insurmountable odds. She raised 30% of the money on a 16-man show (earlier she said 40% in her eight-person team). Her team lost only three times, and nobody ever brought her back to the boardroom. She worked hard on every task and would most like to compete against Joan, who would be the easiest to beat in terms of fundraising. Ivanka asks what about Jesse. Annie backpedals and says yeah him too, but she's surprised that Joan's friends aren't ponying up money. She feels bad for Joan. Joan doesn't want her to feel sorry for her.
Trump asks Annie if she's always had that edge. He says says people don't like her that much. Annie disagrees. She's had a lot of good friends show up with money at the drop of a hat. Trump says the final task might not be about fund raising. There are other things in life. She says she can do them.
Trump asks Brande if she thinks she can compete with Annie. Brande says yes, in fact she's the only one who can. Joan disagrees and doesn't think Brande even knows what she's saying right now. Joan thinks that if Brande looked like Joan she wouldn't be sitting here right now.
Trump asks Brande why she deserves to be in the final two. She thinks she's worked the hardest in this game. She's raised the second-most money there, and she put her heart into it. Junior asks if she could compete with any of the other three. She says that's what she does for a living, she raises money for charity, invites celebrities to events, and throws events. It's what she's best at. Ivanka says that Brande uses Annie as a crutch. In light of that, can she beat Annie? Brande says yes, there's no question.
Trump asks Brande if she's been riding Annie's coattails. Brande doesn't think so. Trump asks Annie. Annie hedges, she says she's capable on her own, but Annie feels she was more instrumental in their wins. Joan thinks that Brande has been riding Annie's coattails. Annie lists all the great things that Brande did for the jingle task.
Trump says Piers wasn't as impressed with her. Brande says they only met for two minutes. Trump says Piers thought it would be an embarrassment for her to be in the final two. Trump disagrees and thinks she's fantastic, and she's done everything right, and she has exceeded everybody's expectations. But he doesn't think she has what it takes to become the celebrity apprentice so she's fired.
Brande thought she should be in the finale and and she's bummed.
Trump asks Jesse if he's been holding back. Jesse says he's not a salesman and doesn't like to tell everybody how great he is. He likes to work hard, and Trump is judging just by what he sees in the board room. He's not as low-key as Trump thinks. He likes to get his hands dirty. Joan nods in agreement.
Trump asks Joan if she has stamina, because Piers questioned that. Joan says she's faced challenges all her life. Annie agrees and has lots of respect for her. (Joan rolls her eyes.) She thinks Joan is an amazing worker and she hopes that she has as much energy as that.
Ivanka asks Joan what's her strategy if she's in the final two and she's a weaker fund raiser. Joan says she'll make up the difference in other aspects of the competition. She'll ask her donors again and tell them what's at stake. Trump asks her what it would mean to her to be in the final two. She says it means more money for her charity.
Trump asks Jesse what it would mean to him, to win. He says the other two are both professionals and he's a blue-collar worker. Jesse loves Joan, but he thinks this competition is bigger than Joan, there are things she doesn't do.
Joan says she has done everything that's been put in front of her. She's 75 and she's never failed. She's been down three times and come back each time stronger than ever.
Trump says Piers didn't like Jesse. He preferred Joan and Annie. Trump asks Jesse what Piers doesn't see in him. Jesse says maybe it's about the politics. Why would he raise all of his money on the first task? Why would he let people know he's a strong fundraiser right from the beginning? Trump asks if he's saving all of his stuff for the punch at at the end of the show.
Trump asks if Sandra Bullock will be at the finale. Jesse coyly says it's possible.
Trump asks Annie if it bothers her that Jesse hasn't raised any money. She thinks every single charity is important, whether it's for him to win or not.
Ivanka asks if it's a good strategy to save all of your ammo for the last competition, because maybe you'll never get to use it.
Trump says that Piers didn't get it. Sandra Bullock figured him out, and Trump thinks that she made a good choice. Trump respects that Jesse didn't use his wife, but he's also he's disappointed since it's for charity.
Trump thinks maybe Jesse wouldn't use her even in the final, so Jesse is fired. Damn.
Joan looks like she's just been stabbed. Jesse tells us he showed what a good job a welder from Long Beach could do.
Trump congratulates Annie and Joan. Joan gripes about playing against Annie. Joan says she'll put on blinders and do everything she can to win. Annie tries to be gracious, but Joan wants to get up and walk away, so Trump tells Annie not to bother complimenting her. Annie tells us that Joan isn't a nice person, and this time, it's personal!
Next week - the three-hour finale.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment