Michael: An office is a place where dreams come true.
Michael: I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.
Michael: We are not always going to be there to coddle your heart back when it disappears to be working.
Michael: No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything.
Michael: Now Dwight knows not to cut the face off of a real person.
Michael: Oscar, would you reach over and touch his thing? That's what he said! Right, guys? Because he's gay?
Michael: Now "boss" is just slang for "jerk in charge."
Oscar: I consider myself a good person, but I'm going to try to make him cry.
Michael: I've got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.
Pam: His thing is so small, if it were an iPod it would be a Shuffle.
Andy: Stanley tried to die just to get away.
Dwight: He's either deeply depressed, or an icicle has snapped off his roof and impaled his brain. He has this terrible habit of standing directly underneath them and staring up at them.
Kevin: Michael is so dumb that he tries to put his M&Ms in alphabetical order.
Michael: Andy, Cornell called. They think you suck. And you're gayer than Oscar. Boom! Roasted!
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