Yeah, okay. Talk is cheap. I really wanted to do those Mad Men Season 3 recaps, but other things came up and I wasn't ever able to make it a priority. I've pretty much abandoned all hope of ever doing them.
Fortunately, Mad Men is pretty well covered elsewhere on the Internet. You don't need me. But I still feel bad about it, because I said I'd do it, and I know I'd enjoy it. However, I'd feel much worse if I bailed on any of the other things I've committed to instead.
So... no new recaps for the forseeable future. :-(
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Where are the Mad Men Season 3 recaps??
Hey! I'm still planning to do them. I started a new job last month and got busy with that, and then my Season 5 DVDs arrived. I just finished those this week, and they BLEW MY MIND!
So now I'm all caught up, and will pick up with season 3 recaps again soon. (Warning: "soon" could be as late as after the holidays. It probably won't be, though. I am on fire for this stuff. I can't wait to get back to it.)
So now I'm all caught up, and will pick up with season 3 recaps again soon. (Warning: "soon" could be as late as after the holidays. It probably won't be, though. I am on fire for this stuff. I can't wait to get back to it.)
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Mad Men #27 (3.01): Happy Birthday, Dick
Real title: "Out of Town"
[I've now seen everything through Season 4. I don't know how many of these I will end up recapping, nor how long it will take; I assume they've already been recapped to death elsewhere, so this is mostly for my own enjoyment and I'm not going into the kind of detail I used to.]
Don heats some milk on the stove for pregnant Betty and flashes back (not really, because he can't possibly remember this) to the night he was born. Like most of his childhood flashbacks, he imagines it all taking place inside the Draper home:
Abigail Whitman has had yet another stillbirth despite her constant prayers for a healthy baby. Her husband Archibald has been visiting a prostitute and refuses to wear a condom; that woman's baby is quite healthy, but she doesn't want it. What she wants is to cut off Archie's dick and boil it in hog fat. She murmurs this repeatedly. Unfortunately, she dies before she has the chance. The midwife takes this baby to Abigail and explains that the boy's name is "Dick" because of his mother's dying wish.
[Is that how Dick really got his name, or is it just the way Don imagines it? The midwife didn't mention the hog fat threat to Abigail, so how did he hear about it?]
Sterling-Cooper has seen some firings ever since Putnam, Powell, & Lowe took over. The latest casualty is the head of accounts. They would have laid him off sooner, but held off because his wife had cancer!
Lane Pryce - Sterling-Cooper's new financial officer from PPL - calls Pete into his office. Thinking he's about to be fired, Pete chats awkwardly while he waits for the axe to fall. Instead, Lane offers him the position of head of accounts. Pete is so elated, he forgets to even ask if he's getting a raise.
Then Lane calls Ken in and offers him the same position. Ken takes the offer with far more calmness and asks what he'll be paid. ($21K, woohoo!)
Everything is different the next day when Pete and Ken discover that they have to share the position and split the accounts. Lane hints that it will be a competition. Ken has actually warmed up to the idea of being an account man, but Pete is livid and jealous that it can't be all his automatically. Trudy talks him down a bit, but he continues to sulk.
Also, Peggy now has her own secretary, named Lola.
Sal and Don go to Baltimore to meet with London Fog. A pretty flight attendant named Shelly shows interest in Don from the start. They have dinner together and go up to Don's room afterwards to get it on. (If I had a LOT more free time I would say more about this little storyline, because it's more complex than that and it's very good. But I don't have the time. Sorry. However, I will tell you that Don tells Shelly it's his birthday. It's really Dick's birthday, but this stranger is the only person he can share that with, because Don Draper's birth certificate has a different date on it.)
Meanwhile, in his own room, Sal is about to have his first gay sexual experience with the hotel's eager bellhop. Alas, there's a fire alarm. As Don scrambles down the fire escape with Shelly, he sees Sal through the window still getting dressed in his room. Don yells for Sal to hurry up. Sal gives Don a strange look. Then Don sees the bellhop.
Next day, they have their meeting with London Fog and are soon on another plane home. Sal waits tensely for Don to say something. Finally Don breaks the silence and prepares Sal for a very serious question. Sal looks nervous enough to vomit. Don asks Sal's opinion of his idea for a raincoat ad. The subtext is clear: So you're gay. And I cheated on my wife. You probably think that's my worst secret. We need never discuss any portion of this, at least not until later this season.
Back at Sterling-Cooper, Lane's secretary, John Hooker, is making a nuisance of himself. He is distracting the other secretaries, who find him charming. Joan isn't happy with him because he gets other people's secretaries to do his typing for him. He's annoyed that they call him by his first name rather than "Mr. Hooker." He feels that he is not the same kind of secretary as the women are and deserves more prestige. (He'd be more annoyed if he knew that Peggy calls him "Moneypenny" behind his back.) To keep the peace, Joan offers him an extra room for an office (which also houses Bert Cooper's ant farm) and even promises to hire a typist for him.
Freshly arrived from Baltimore (actually, a bit wilted), Don is not happy about the dual-account-managers arrangement. Roger pretends that he wasn't in favor of it. Pete enters Don's office, and it looks as though he's ready to issue an ultimatum or at least whine a lot; however, on seeing Roger, he backpedals. Before this can go develop an further, Bert comes in and hands Pete a brand new account, effectively communicating his preference for Pete over Ken. Pete's day is made!
Lane finds out about John's office and nixes it because after cutting 1/3 of Sterling-Cooper's workforce, it's not right to "go through their pockets as well." John will have to sit out front with all the other secretaries. John gazes wistfully at the ant farm, perhaps thinking of its queen, and sighs that this place is a gynocracy.
Betty makes Sally confess to busting the lock on Don's suitcase. She says she did it to keep him at home. "I'll always come home," Don promises earnestly. She finds the pin from Shelly's uniform in his luggage. "Did you get this for me?" A quick flash of guilt and horror sparks in his eyes, but it quickly passes, and he says yes, it's for Sally.
Don's ready for another season of nonstop lying!
[I've now seen everything through Season 4. I don't know how many of these I will end up recapping, nor how long it will take; I assume they've already been recapped to death elsewhere, so this is mostly for my own enjoyment and I'm not going into the kind of detail I used to.]
Don heats some milk on the stove for pregnant Betty and flashes back (not really, because he can't possibly remember this) to the night he was born. Like most of his childhood flashbacks, he imagines it all taking place inside the Draper home:
Abigail Whitman has had yet another stillbirth despite her constant prayers for a healthy baby. Her husband Archibald has been visiting a prostitute and refuses to wear a condom; that woman's baby is quite healthy, but she doesn't want it. What she wants is to cut off Archie's dick and boil it in hog fat. She murmurs this repeatedly. Unfortunately, she dies before she has the chance. The midwife takes this baby to Abigail and explains that the boy's name is "Dick" because of his mother's dying wish.
[Is that how Dick really got his name, or is it just the way Don imagines it? The midwife didn't mention the hog fat threat to Abigail, so how did he hear about it?]
Sterling-Cooper has seen some firings ever since Putnam, Powell, & Lowe took over. The latest casualty is the head of accounts. They would have laid him off sooner, but held off because his wife had cancer!
Lane Pryce - Sterling-Cooper's new financial officer from PPL - calls Pete into his office. Thinking he's about to be fired, Pete chats awkwardly while he waits for the axe to fall. Instead, Lane offers him the position of head of accounts. Pete is so elated, he forgets to even ask if he's getting a raise.
Then Lane calls Ken in and offers him the same position. Ken takes the offer with far more calmness and asks what he'll be paid. ($21K, woohoo!)
Everything is different the next day when Pete and Ken discover that they have to share the position and split the accounts. Lane hints that it will be a competition. Ken has actually warmed up to the idea of being an account man, but Pete is livid and jealous that it can't be all his automatically. Trudy talks him down a bit, but he continues to sulk.
Also, Peggy now has her own secretary, named Lola.
Sal and Don go to Baltimore to meet with London Fog. A pretty flight attendant named Shelly shows interest in Don from the start. They have dinner together and go up to Don's room afterwards to get it on. (If I had a LOT more free time I would say more about this little storyline, because it's more complex than that and it's very good. But I don't have the time. Sorry. However, I will tell you that Don tells Shelly it's his birthday. It's really Dick's birthday, but this stranger is the only person he can share that with, because Don Draper's birth certificate has a different date on it.)
Meanwhile, in his own room, Sal is about to have his first gay sexual experience with the hotel's eager bellhop. Alas, there's a fire alarm. As Don scrambles down the fire escape with Shelly, he sees Sal through the window still getting dressed in his room. Don yells for Sal to hurry up. Sal gives Don a strange look. Then Don sees the bellhop.
Next day, they have their meeting with London Fog and are soon on another plane home. Sal waits tensely for Don to say something. Finally Don breaks the silence and prepares Sal for a very serious question. Sal looks nervous enough to vomit. Don asks Sal's opinion of his idea for a raincoat ad. The subtext is clear: So you're gay. And I cheated on my wife. You probably think that's my worst secret. We need never discuss any portion of this, at least not until later this season.
Back at Sterling-Cooper, Lane's secretary, John Hooker, is making a nuisance of himself. He is distracting the other secretaries, who find him charming. Joan isn't happy with him because he gets other people's secretaries to do his typing for him. He's annoyed that they call him by his first name rather than "Mr. Hooker." He feels that he is not the same kind of secretary as the women are and deserves more prestige. (He'd be more annoyed if he knew that Peggy calls him "Moneypenny" behind his back.) To keep the peace, Joan offers him an extra room for an office (which also houses Bert Cooper's ant farm) and even promises to hire a typist for him.
Freshly arrived from Baltimore (actually, a bit wilted), Don is not happy about the dual-account-managers arrangement. Roger pretends that he wasn't in favor of it. Pete enters Don's office, and it looks as though he's ready to issue an ultimatum or at least whine a lot; however, on seeing Roger, he backpedals. Before this can go develop an further, Bert comes in and hands Pete a brand new account, effectively communicating his preference for Pete over Ken. Pete's day is made!
Lane finds out about John's office and nixes it because after cutting 1/3 of Sterling-Cooper's workforce, it's not right to "go through their pockets as well." John will have to sit out front with all the other secretaries. John gazes wistfully at the ant farm, perhaps thinking of its queen, and sighs that this place is a gynocracy.
Betty makes Sally confess to busting the lock on Don's suitcase. She says she did it to keep him at home. "I'll always come home," Don promises earnestly. She finds the pin from Shelly's uniform in his luggage. "Did you get this for me?" A quick flash of guilt and horror sparks in his eyes, but it quickly passes, and he says yes, it's for Sally.
Don's ready for another season of nonstop lying!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Thoughts on Mad Men season 3
The first season seemed very tightly constructed, while the second season was a lot looser and somewhat... trippy. Which was fine, because eventually Don's wanderings brought him back home.
Season 3 is more of a mixed bag. Like season 2, it's a bit loose - perhaps reflecting the restless feelings that these characters have been wrestling with since the end of season 1. But I've also noticed that these episodes lack the density of the first season. The first season episodes were solidly packed with subtlety and nuance and heavy secondary stories. The second season managed to keep this up, letting the secondary plots carry things along while Don wandered around California.
The third season started off strong, but I feel that it slacked off a bit towards the end - which is why I stopped taking notes. I was less worried about missing (or forgetting) subtle glances and offhanded remarks that might later turn out to be significant, because such nuances seemed to disappear. The last few episodes of season 3 were about as subtle as a daytime soap opera.
It's not that there wasn't plenty of plot, but most of the secondary stories were developed during the first half of the season (Betty's father, Sally's grief, Joan's marriage, etc.), and the second half was mostly about Don and the agency. I would have preferred a more even distribution. I also felt that the Kennedy assassination seemed to have been shoehorned into a nearly-completed script. Some of the characters referred to the assassination as if it had changed the way they thought, but this seemed forced and I didn't feel that this change was reflected in anyone's actions. I think Pete, Betty, Don, & co. seemed like they were already on track to make the very decisions they ended up making, and the assassination was little more than a conversation piece, plot-wise.
There were also several storylines and twists that either didn't seem to be worthwhile, or else I outright hated them. Peggy's affair with Duck? UGH. All that stuff about Conrad Hilton? Started out interesting, but then fizzled (which was maybe the point, popping Don's ego-balloon a little bit, but I thought the pop should have been louder). Don and the schoolteacher? I'm still puzzling over that one - I don't see why he's attracted to her, specifically. She seems very ordinary compared to some of his other ex-girlfriends.
Perhaps what annoyed me the most was Don agreeing to uphold the firing of Sal. Since when does Don pimp the employees? Would he have expected Peggy to take one for the team if a client had requested it? I just don't see it.
On the other hand, I was more impressed by the continued strained relationship between Don and Roger; the disappointment in Joan's marriage and her husband's career; Sally's wonderful attachment to her grandfather and the crushing grief of his death; Pete's ego; integrating the new Draper baby into the household; Betty's fledgling affair; and of course the meltdown of the ad agency. These are the kinds of things that will carry me through season 4, and hopefully beyond.
It took me over a year to finish season 3. Hopefully it won't take me that long to go through season 4. I'm very curious to see how it compares - if the newer, more Don-centric, rushed approach that took over at the end of season 3 continues into season 4, or if we'll return to the steadier pacing, broader character focus, and nuanced performances that made Mad Men unique from the beginning.
Season 3 is more of a mixed bag. Like season 2, it's a bit loose - perhaps reflecting the restless feelings that these characters have been wrestling with since the end of season 1. But I've also noticed that these episodes lack the density of the first season. The first season episodes were solidly packed with subtlety and nuance and heavy secondary stories. The second season managed to keep this up, letting the secondary plots carry things along while Don wandered around California.
The third season started off strong, but I feel that it slacked off a bit towards the end - which is why I stopped taking notes. I was less worried about missing (or forgetting) subtle glances and offhanded remarks that might later turn out to be significant, because such nuances seemed to disappear. The last few episodes of season 3 were about as subtle as a daytime soap opera.
It's not that there wasn't plenty of plot, but most of the secondary stories were developed during the first half of the season (Betty's father, Sally's grief, Joan's marriage, etc.), and the second half was mostly about Don and the agency. I would have preferred a more even distribution. I also felt that the Kennedy assassination seemed to have been shoehorned into a nearly-completed script. Some of the characters referred to the assassination as if it had changed the way they thought, but this seemed forced and I didn't feel that this change was reflected in anyone's actions. I think Pete, Betty, Don, & co. seemed like they were already on track to make the very decisions they ended up making, and the assassination was little more than a conversation piece, plot-wise.
There were also several storylines and twists that either didn't seem to be worthwhile, or else I outright hated them. Peggy's affair with Duck? UGH. All that stuff about Conrad Hilton? Started out interesting, but then fizzled (which was maybe the point, popping Don's ego-balloon a little bit, but I thought the pop should have been louder). Don and the schoolteacher? I'm still puzzling over that one - I don't see why he's attracted to her, specifically. She seems very ordinary compared to some of his other ex-girlfriends.
Perhaps what annoyed me the most was Don agreeing to uphold the firing of Sal. Since when does Don pimp the employees? Would he have expected Peggy to take one for the team if a client had requested it? I just don't see it.
On the other hand, I was more impressed by the continued strained relationship between Don and Roger; the disappointment in Joan's marriage and her husband's career; Sally's wonderful attachment to her grandfather and the crushing grief of his death; Pete's ego; integrating the new Draper baby into the household; Betty's fledgling affair; and of course the meltdown of the ad agency. These are the kinds of things that will carry me through season 4, and hopefully beyond.
It took me over a year to finish season 3. Hopefully it won't take me that long to go through season 4. I'm very curious to see how it compares - if the newer, more Don-centric, rushed approach that took over at the end of season 3 continues into season 4, or if we'll return to the steadier pacing, broader character focus, and nuanced performances that made Mad Men unique from the beginning.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Update - Nothing New
Obviously, I've all but abandoned this site, at least for the time being. I probably won't be doing Office "best moments" at all any more, except for maybe the old episode "Phyllis's Wedding" when I can catch it in reruns - it's the one episode I missed during the seasons when I was doing these regularly.
(You may have noticed I also started doing the first-season episodes as well, but I just wasn't able to keep up.)
I've been watching and taking notes on the last couple of Apprentices, but haven't been sufficiently motivated to recap them as the focus has continued to be on ratings-boosting personality conflicts at the expense of intelligent behavior.
I finally finished watching Mad Men season 3 this weekend, and took enough notes on the first eight episodes that it almost seems wasteful not to take notes on the other five as well and post them all before I begin watching (and maybe recapping) season 4. This might be pointless, since both seasons have already been broadcast in their entirety and can easily be rented or purchased, but like I said, the recaps are already more than half-done.
Will I recap season 4 too? That will depend on how many hits the website gets after I post season 3 and then decide if it's worth it. I don't need a huge readership to keep me motivated, but on the other hand, if nobody's reading, it might be fun to just watch the show without taking notes.
(You may have noticed I also started doing the first-season episodes as well, but I just wasn't able to keep up.)
I've been watching and taking notes on the last couple of Apprentices, but haven't been sufficiently motivated to recap them as the focus has continued to be on ratings-boosting personality conflicts at the expense of intelligent behavior.
I finally finished watching Mad Men season 3 this weekend, and took enough notes on the first eight episodes that it almost seems wasteful not to take notes on the other five as well and post them all before I begin watching (and maybe recapping) season 4. This might be pointless, since both seasons have already been broadcast in their entirety and can easily be rented or purchased, but like I said, the recaps are already more than half-done.
Will I recap season 4 too? That will depend on how many hits the website gets after I post season 3 and then decide if it's worth it. I don't need a huge readership to keep me motivated, but on the other hand, if nobody's reading, it might be fun to just watch the show without taking notes.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Apprentice New Season Begins Tonight
I won't be recapping it. I don't know if I'll even have time to watch it. But I felt like I should at least acknowledge that it's starting tonight. :-)
Monday, September 6, 2010
04/26/07: Great Moments in "The Office" - Product Recall
I updated/expanded this one at the old site and am reposting it here. It was my very first "Great Moments."
Jim: What kind of bear is best?
Andy: Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet.
Jim: Lord, beer me strength!
Dwight: Those are the money-beets.
Michael: I would like to present you with this novelty check.
Angela: I think he had Tourette's or something.
Dwight: Goat on chicken; chicken on goat; couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.
Michael: I'm calling the ungrateful beeyotch hotline!
Angela: What's 4+7?
Oscar: I expect you to apologize for that, Angela.
Michael: They're trying to make me an escape goat.
Pam: That was your best video apology ever.
Dwight: Blah, blah, a little comment, hmm.
Jim: What kind of bear is best?
Andy: Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet.
Jim: Lord, beer me strength!
Dwight: Those are the money-beets.
Michael: I would like to present you with this novelty check.
Angela: I think he had Tourette's or something.
Dwight: Goat on chicken; chicken on goat; couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.
Michael: I'm calling the ungrateful beeyotch hotline!
Angela: What's 4+7?
Oscar: I expect you to apologize for that, Angela.
Michael: They're trying to make me an escape goat.
Pam: That was your best video apology ever.
Dwight: Blah, blah, a little comment, hmm.
Monday, August 23, 2010
02/01/07: Great Moments in "The Office" - Ben Franklin
Michael: Yesterday I was scraping some gunk off my wall sockets with a metal fork, and I gave myself the nastiest shock. And when I came to, I had an epiphery.
Michael: To jump-start a car, first pop the hood. Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these, and clip them wherever.
Michael: Number 8. Learn how to take off a woman's bra.... You just twist your hand until something breaks.
Michael: This may be Phyllis's only wedding ever. It's my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins.
Michael: I had a very different understanding as to what primae noctis meant.
Michael: It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour-long shower with guys.
Pam: I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck.
Angela: Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office.
Meredith: SHUT UP, ANGELA!
Jim: Karen and I have been up talking.
Pam: You should get more sleep.
Jim: Michael referred me to a male strip club called "Banana Slings." Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania.
Ryan: Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on?
Michael: I got all the foot off of it.
Roy: I'm not really into strippers. You know what I find sexy? Pam's art.
Michael: You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent? I have a girlfriend.
Elizabeth: You want me to answer the phones with my clothes on?
Ben Franklin: You know, I invented electricity. I'm sensing a little electricity right here.
Pam: Didn't Ben Franklin have syphilis?
Michael: Stripper, could I ask you a question about women? Should I tell my girlfriend you danced up on me?
Dwight: I don't care what Jim says. That is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.
Michael: To jump-start a car, first pop the hood. Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these, and clip them wherever.
Michael: Number 8. Learn how to take off a woman's bra.... You just twist your hand until something breaks.
Michael: This may be Phyllis's only wedding ever. It's my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins.
Michael: I had a very different understanding as to what primae noctis meant.
Michael: It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour-long shower with guys.
Pam: I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck.
Angela: Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office.
Meredith: SHUT UP, ANGELA!
Jim: Karen and I have been up talking.
Pam: You should get more sleep.
Jim: Michael referred me to a male strip club called "Banana Slings." Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania.
Ryan: Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on?
Michael: I got all the foot off of it.
Roy: I'm not really into strippers. You know what I find sexy? Pam's art.
Michael: You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent? I have a girlfriend.
Elizabeth: You want me to answer the phones with my clothes on?
Ben Franklin: You know, I invented electricity. I'm sensing a little electricity right here.
Pam: Didn't Ben Franklin have syphilis?
Michael: Stripper, could I ask you a question about women? Should I tell my girlfriend you danced up on me?
Dwight: I don't care what Jim says. That is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
01/18/07: Great Moments in "The Office" - The Return
Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words: Hard working, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable.
Kevin: Hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
Angela: Certain events have transpired and I've thought about certain things and I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired and I would just like to make some changes about certain things and certain situations and certain accountants.
Michael: I don't understand how someone can have so little self-awareness.
Michael: Go find firecrackers and a chihuahua.
Oscar: Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey into the office, like Pepe?
Michael: Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster, big weirdo creep.
Dwight: Just go with the copy paper. It's your funeral.
Michael: It takes a big man to admit his mistake, and I am that big man.
Pam: I think we broke his brain.
Michael: I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.
Kevin: Hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
Angela: Certain events have transpired and I've thought about certain things and I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired and I would just like to make some changes about certain things and certain situations and certain accountants.
Michael: I don't understand how someone can have so little self-awareness.
Michael: Go find firecrackers and a chihuahua.
Oscar: Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey into the office, like Pepe?
Michael: Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster, big weirdo creep.
Dwight: Just go with the copy paper. It's your funeral.
Michael: It takes a big man to admit his mistake, and I am that big man.
Pam: I think we broke his brain.
Michael: I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
01/11/07: Great Moments in "The Office" - Traveling Salesmen
"Harvey": Me so horny. Me love you long Tim.
[...]
Pam: I'd love to meet Long Tim.
Andy: I'm not falling in a chocolate river.
Andy: Every success I've ever had - in my job, or with the ladyfolk - has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.
Dwight: I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
Andy: We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York.
Pam: Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time.
Phyllis: You can pay me back later for the makeover.
Andy: Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal. Did you betray Dwight and try to steal his job or something?
Michael: Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three.
Jan: And where it asks you to state your business, he wrote "Beeswax Not Yours, Inc."
Andy: Oompa loompa doompadee dossum, Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome.
Ryan: Dwight will be missed. Not by me, so much, but he will be missed.
Dwight: One of my life's goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.
[...]
Pam: I'd love to meet Long Tim.
Andy: I'm not falling in a chocolate river.
Andy: Every success I've ever had - in my job, or with the ladyfolk - has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.
Dwight: I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
Andy: We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York.
Pam: Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time.
Phyllis: You can pay me back later for the makeover.
Andy: Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal. Did you betray Dwight and try to steal his job or something?
Michael: Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three.
Jan: And where it asks you to state your business, he wrote "Beeswax Not Yours, Inc."
Andy: Oompa loompa doompadee dossum, Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome.
Ryan: Dwight will be missed. Not by me, so much, but he will be missed.
Dwight: One of my life's goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.
Friday, August 20, 2010
12/14/06: Great Moments in "The Office" - A Benihana Christmas (2 parts)
Dwight: Can you watch this? I'm going to get my carving knife out of the trunk.
Dwight: Apparently they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed.
Dwight: You can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
Michael: This is my girlfriend Carol. This is just the front of her. Show 'em the other side.
Pam: For the past few months I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA. They're considering him for a top-secret mission.
Michael: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley!
Jim: Will they still air Rudolph?
Michael: How did you push away the bad thoughts? Like maybe the reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed that were foreign and scary.
Phyllis: I thought you said green was whorish.
Angela: Now orange is whorish.
Dwight: Why don't you just buy the whole song?
Michael: We're going to Asian Hooters.
Meredith: Is that a threat?
Angela: No, it's an invitation.
Kevin: I hear Angela's party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela.
Darryl: When you get done with your meeting, you should come to the break room. We're having a party.
Angela: Where's Dwight?
Cindy: Is he the hot one, or the giant baby?
Angela: I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.
Michael: You know how all waitresses look alike.
Michael: I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals Jamaica.
Cindy: No, I have school.
Michael: I put a mark on her arm so I could tell 'em apart.
Oscar: Too soon.
Jim: Maybe the CIA could send a helicopter.
Dwight: "You have been compromised. Abort mission, destroy phone."
Dwight: Apparently they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed.
Dwight: You can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
Michael: This is my girlfriend Carol. This is just the front of her. Show 'em the other side.
Pam: For the past few months I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA. They're considering him for a top-secret mission.
Michael: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley!
Jim: Will they still air Rudolph?
Michael: How did you push away the bad thoughts? Like maybe the reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed that were foreign and scary.
Phyllis: I thought you said green was whorish.
Angela: Now orange is whorish.
Dwight: Why don't you just buy the whole song?
Michael: We're going to Asian Hooters.
Meredith: Is that a threat?
Angela: No, it's an invitation.
Kevin: I hear Angela's party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela.
Darryl: When you get done with your meeting, you should come to the break room. We're having a party.
Angela: Where's Dwight?
Cindy: Is he the hot one, or the giant baby?
Angela: I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.
Michael: You know how all waitresses look alike.
Michael: I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals Jamaica.
Cindy: No, I have school.
Michael: I put a mark on her arm so I could tell 'em apart.
Oscar: Too soon.
Jim: Maybe the CIA could send a helicopter.
Dwight: "You have been compromised. Abort mission, destroy phone."
Thursday, August 19, 2010
11/30/06: Great Moments in "The Office" - The Convict
Kevin: Why am I a racist?
Michael: Because you think he's black.
Michael: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice, like a white guy who went to prison for polluting a black guy's lake.
Jim: Do you speak Pig Latin?
Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day.
Kevin: Michael, why don't we get outdoors time?
Karen: You can't give paper clips to a baby. He could swallow them.
Creed: That's okay. I've got tons of 'em.
Michael: This office is the American Dream, and they would rather be in the "hole."
Jim: Can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Prison Mike: I am here to scare you straight!...I stole. And I robbed. And I kidnapped the president's son and held him for ransom... And I never got caught, neither... Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelets. Nothin'but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair... The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.
Michael: If this doesn't bother them, then I am out of ideas.
Michael: Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford to a convict to my friend back to a convict then to kind of a nuisance, actually, to be completely honest. And finally, to a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is black.
Andy: Someday we'll find it, the Ainbowray Onnectioncay,..
Michael: Because you think he's black.
Michael: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice, like a white guy who went to prison for polluting a black guy's lake.
Jim: Do you speak Pig Latin?
Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day.
Kevin: Michael, why don't we get outdoors time?
Karen: You can't give paper clips to a baby. He could swallow them.
Creed: That's okay. I've got tons of 'em.
Michael: This office is the American Dream, and they would rather be in the "hole."
Jim: Can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Prison Mike: I am here to scare you straight!...I stole. And I robbed. And I kidnapped the president's son and held him for ransom... And I never got caught, neither... Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelets. Nothin'but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair... The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.
Michael: If this doesn't bother them, then I am out of ideas.
Michael: Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford to a convict to my friend back to a convict then to kind of a nuisance, actually, to be completely honest. And finally, to a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is black.
Andy: Someday we'll find it, the Ainbowray Onnectioncay,..
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
11/16/06: Great Moments in "The Office" - The Merger
Dwight: What was your mile time?
Toby: About seven.
Dwight: I could beat that on a skateboard.
Pam: This isn't even a stopwatch. It's a digital thermometer.
Michael: You're very exotic-looking. Was our father a GI, or...?
Andy: I'm always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs.
Karen: It smells like a funeral home... never mind, I think I'm just allergic to your perfume.
Phyllis: Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in metropolitan Orlando. It's made from real pine.
Michael: Tony, please join your cohorts on the table, if you will.
Michael: I'm under this hock here... I'm right in your crack!
Tony: It's just not a good fit.
Michael: We'll squeeze you in.
Michael: They put a hate note under my windshield wiper. Check this out - it's so hateful: "You guys suck! You can never pull together as one and revenge us. That is why you suck."
Ryan: Sometimes he brings more costumes.
Michael: Sometimes what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change, because by the end of the fourth grade the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most.
Karen: I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew to give myself a lobotomy.
Toby: About seven.
Dwight: I could beat that on a skateboard.
Pam: This isn't even a stopwatch. It's a digital thermometer.
Michael: You're very exotic-looking. Was our father a GI, or...?
Andy: I'm always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs.
Karen: It smells like a funeral home... never mind, I think I'm just allergic to your perfume.
Phyllis: Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in metropolitan Orlando. It's made from real pine.
Michael: Tony, please join your cohorts on the table, if you will.
Michael: I'm under this hock here... I'm right in your crack!
Tony: It's just not a good fit.
Michael: We'll squeeze you in.
Michael: They put a hate note under my windshield wiper. Check this out - it's so hateful: "You guys suck! You can never pull together as one and revenge us. That is why you suck."
Ryan: Sometimes he brings more costumes.
Michael: Sometimes what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change, because by the end of the fourth grade the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most.
Karen: I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew to give myself a lobotomy.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
11/09/06: Great Moments in "The Office" - Branch Closing
Jim: I send Dwight faxes from himself from the future.
Michael: Show me that farm with Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place, ripe for the plucking.
Andy: The Scranton branch is closing? In your face!
Jim: I always knew that the branch would shut down someday, I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans.
Roy: You know that Cinderella song "You Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone"? That pretty much says it better than how I know how to say it in words.
Jim: Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that.
Michael: We did it! We did it!!... how did we do it? I don't understand.
Michael: Show me that farm with Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place, ripe for the plucking.
Andy: The Scranton branch is closing? In your face!
Jim: I always knew that the branch would shut down someday, I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans.
Roy: You know that Cinderella song "You Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone"? That pretty much says it better than how I know how to say it in words.
Jim: Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that.
Michael: We did it! We did it!!... how did we do it? I don't understand.
Monday, August 16, 2010
11/02/06: Great Moments in "The Office" - Diwali
Michael: That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do, sign me up, because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional.
Dwight: "I see dead people." He was dead the whole time.
Andy: We have such a roller-coaster thing, Karen and I.
Michael: I'm doin' it with Carol. Probably tonight.
Carol: I thought you said this was a costume party.
Michael: These s'mores are disgusting.
Pam: At least I'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? Is that mean?
Kelly's Dad: How long have you been married to the cheerleader?
Michael: Is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die, she has to throw herself on a fire?
Kelly's Mom: So you're saving money now to start a family and home?
Ryan: Or travel, and buy an Xbox.
Dad: Is there anything you wanted to ask us tonight?
Angela: I have to watch our shoes so they don't get stolen.
Pam: I'm rejecting your kiss.
Dwight: "I see dead people." He was dead the whole time.
Andy: We have such a roller-coaster thing, Karen and I.
Michael: I'm doin' it with Carol. Probably tonight.
Carol: I thought you said this was a costume party.
Michael: These s'mores are disgusting.
Pam: At least I'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? Is that mean?
Kelly's Dad: How long have you been married to the cheerleader?
Michael: Is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die, she has to throw herself on a fire?
Kelly's Mom: So you're saving money now to start a family and home?
Ryan: Or travel, and buy an Xbox.
Dad: Is there anything you wanted to ask us tonight?
Angela: I have to watch our shoes so they don't get stolen.
Pam: I'm rejecting your kiss.
Monday, July 12, 2010
04/12/07: Great Moments in "The Office" - Safety Training
Andy: I'm Drew now.
Dwight: I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
Michael: I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom.
Ryan: Kelly, you've insulted the gentleman. Please apologize.
Darryl: You live a sweet little Nerfy life, sittin'on your biscuit, never having to risk it.
Michael: Big deal. I've worked in a warehouse. Men's Wearhouse. I was a greeter.
Toby: Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato...
Dwight: I need you to acquire an inflatable house and/or castle.
Michael: This is about doing. Not thinking.
Andy: When's the shunning thing gonna end?
Dwight: Unshun. Never. Reshun.
Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut. Depression is a very serious illness.
Kevin: If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude.
Darryl: Mike, you're a very brave man. I mean, it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day knowing full well you gotta be you. I couldn't do it. I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave.
Michael: I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say, but yes.
Dwight: I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
Michael: I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom.
Ryan: Kelly, you've insulted the gentleman. Please apologize.
Darryl: You live a sweet little Nerfy life, sittin'on your biscuit, never having to risk it.
Michael: Big deal. I've worked in a warehouse. Men's Wearhouse. I was a greeter.
Toby: Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato...
Dwight: I need you to acquire an inflatable house and/or castle.
Michael: This is about doing. Not thinking.
Andy: When's the shunning thing gonna end?
Dwight: Unshun. Never. Reshun.
Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut. Depression is a very serious illness.
Kevin: If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude.
Darryl: Mike, you're a very brave man. I mean, it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day knowing full well you gotta be you. I couldn't do it. I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave.
Michael: I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say, but yes.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
04/05/07: Great Moments in "The Office" - Negotiation
Michael: It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
Jim: Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray, and not the nunchucks or throwing stars.
Dwight: The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime - those are the real heroes.
Michael: Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.
Toby: I don't think Michael intended to punish me by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But if he did intend that, wow. Genius.
Darryl: Are you wearing lady clothes?
Michael: I do not buy women's clothes. Would not make that mistake again.... I wear men's suits. I got this out of a bin.
Michael: Every year, I get a $100 gas card. You can't put a price tag on that.
Toby: This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial.
Michael: I accidentally cross-dressed.
Jim: Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray, and not the nunchucks or throwing stars.
Dwight: The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime - those are the real heroes.
Michael: Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.
Toby: I don't think Michael intended to punish me by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But if he did intend that, wow. Genius.
Darryl: Are you wearing lady clothes?
Michael: I do not buy women's clothes. Would not make that mistake again.... I wear men's suits. I got this out of a bin.
Michael: Every year, I get a $100 gas card. You can't put a price tag on that.
Toby: This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial.
Michael: I accidentally cross-dressed.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
02/22/07: Great Moments in "The Office" - Cocktails
Michael: I cannot tell you how I plan to escape other than by using magic. That is the magician's code. Separately, on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key...
Pam: I'm going to start telling people what I want directly. So look out world, 'cause ol' Pammy is getting what she wants... and don't call me "Pammy."
Dwight: You know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces.
Jan: What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing; downside, I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse into myself like a dying star.
Jan: Why is this so hard? That's what she said.
Michael: "No" means "please don't."
Jim: What the hell, have you dated every guy here?
Karen: Hey, Jan!
Jan: Not so good.
Michael: It's funny, I wish I could make potato salad that good. It's just potatoes and mayonnaise. There's something wrong with Jan.
Dwight: I found some termite damage in a crawl space, and some structural flaws in the foundation, so... all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party.
Roy: I didn't do anything. Ask anybody. I totally could have, and I didn't at all.
Michael: If this is about what happened in the bathroom, there was no place to cuddle.
Roy: I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert.
Pam: I'm going to start telling people what I want directly. So look out world, 'cause ol' Pammy is getting what she wants... and don't call me "Pammy."
Dwight: You know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces.
Jan: What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing; downside, I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse into myself like a dying star.
Jan: Why is this so hard? That's what she said.
Michael: "No" means "please don't."
Jim: What the hell, have you dated every guy here?
Karen: Hey, Jan!
Jan: Not so good.
Michael: It's funny, I wish I could make potato salad that good. It's just potatoes and mayonnaise. There's something wrong with Jan.
Dwight: I found some termite damage in a crawl space, and some structural flaws in the foundation, so... all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party.
Roy: I didn't do anything. Ask anybody. I totally could have, and I didn't at all.
Michael: If this is about what happened in the bathroom, there was no place to cuddle.
Roy: I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert.
Friday, July 9, 2010
10/19/06: Great Moments in "The Office" - Initiation
Michael: I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base.
Dwight: When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you.
Dwight: And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed in you.
Dwight: Ryan, just get in the coffin.
Dwight: They're gonna be screwed once this whole Internet fad is over.
Dwight: Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere.
Ryan: I think about that all the time.
Jim: How do you confuse 28 Days with 28 Days Later?
Stanley: 364 days till the next Pretzel Day.
Dwight: When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you.
Dwight: And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed in you.
Dwight: Ryan, just get in the coffin.
Dwight: They're gonna be screwed once this whole Internet fad is over.
Dwight: Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere.
Ryan: I think about that all the time.
Jim: How do you confuse 28 Days with 28 Days Later?
Stanley: 364 days till the next Pretzel Day.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
10/12/06: Great Moments in "The Office" - Grief Counseling
Michael: I am like Bette Midler in For the Boys. Gotta keep the troops entertained.
Jim: I'm your project supervisor today, and I have just decided that we're not doing anything until you get the chips that you require. So I think we should go get some. Now, please.
Creed: A human can go on living fo several hours after being decapitated.
Dwight: You're thinking of a chicken.
Creed: What'd I say?
Dwight: If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice.
Dwight: I gave him a six-foot extension cord so he can't chase us.
Michael: Can you imagine how much blood there was? If it happened right here it would reach all the way to Reception. Probably get on Pam.
Michael: He leaves work, he's on his way home, Wham! His cappa is ditated from his head.
Michael: If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job.
Michael: It feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time somebody else is hitting my crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone. And I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly alone.
Dwight: I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
Ryan: My cousin, Mufasa, was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests, and we all took it really hard, all of us kind of in the audience... of what happened.
Michael: Toby killed this bird and now we are going to honor it.
Michael: Grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.
Jim: I'm your project supervisor today, and I have just decided that we're not doing anything until you get the chips that you require. So I think we should go get some. Now, please.
Creed: A human can go on living fo several hours after being decapitated.
Dwight: You're thinking of a chicken.
Creed: What'd I say?
Dwight: If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice.
Dwight: I gave him a six-foot extension cord so he can't chase us.
Michael: Can you imagine how much blood there was? If it happened right here it would reach all the way to Reception. Probably get on Pam.
Michael: He leaves work, he's on his way home, Wham! His cappa is ditated from his head.
Michael: If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job.
Michael: It feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time somebody else is hitting my crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone. And I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly alone.
Dwight: I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
Ryan: My cousin, Mufasa, was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests, and we all took it really hard, all of us kind of in the audience... of what happened.
Michael: Toby killed this bird and now we are going to honor it.
Michael: Grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
09/28/06: Great Moments in "The Office" - The Convention
Pam: Maybe you should wait before you adopt. Or not adopt.
Michael: You know what Pam? If in ten years I haven't had a baby, and you haven't had a baby...
Angela: In the Martin family, we like to say, "looks like someone took the slow train from Philly." That's code for "check out the slut."
Michael: Wear your wedding dress. It would be a great icebreaker.
Michael: You don't leave your brothers behind. Even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.
Jim: When I saw Dwight, I realized how stupid and petty all those pranks I pulled on him were. And then he spoke.
Kevin: Pam's back on the market again. If I weren't engaged, I would so hit that.
Kelly: Allen's cartoons are so funny, right? And they're, like, so smart. I don't even know what they mean half the time.
Michael: I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday.
Michael: Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the papaer industry. Is he why you left?
Phyllis: You should order the most expensive thing on the menu so he knows you're worth it.
Stanley: If you do that, you're going to have to put out.
Phyllis: Oh, yeah. You'll have to put out.
Allen: "Freedom fries for the table." People always say don't be edgy, but I don't know any other way.
Michael: You know what Pam? If in ten years I haven't had a baby, and you haven't had a baby...
Angela: In the Martin family, we like to say, "looks like someone took the slow train from Philly." That's code for "check out the slut."
Michael: Wear your wedding dress. It would be a great icebreaker.
Michael: You don't leave your brothers behind. Even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.
Jim: When I saw Dwight, I realized how stupid and petty all those pranks I pulled on him were. And then he spoke.
Kevin: Pam's back on the market again. If I weren't engaged, I would so hit that.
Kelly: Allen's cartoons are so funny, right? And they're, like, so smart. I don't even know what they mean half the time.
Michael: I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday.
Michael: Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the papaer industry. Is he why you left?
Phyllis: You should order the most expensive thing on the menu so he knows you're worth it.
Stanley: If you do that, you're going to have to put out.
Phyllis: Oh, yeah. You'll have to put out.
Allen: "Freedom fries for the table." People always say don't be edgy, but I don't know any other way.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
09/21/06: Great Moments in "The Office" - Gay Witch Hunt
Dwight: Jim is gone. He's gone. I miss him so much. I cry myself to sleep. False. I do not miss him.
Michael: You don't call retarded people "retards." It's bad taste. You call your friends "retards" when they're acting retarded.
Michael: I have been calling people "faggy" since I was in junior high and I have never made this mistake. If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite way, you know.
Jim: I can't say whether Dunder-Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure you that it is certainly not more flammable.
Karen: Jim's nice enough, but I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera like this. What is that?
Dwight: Jim told me you could buy gaydar online.
Kelly: It is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you.
Oscar: Yes, I am super-cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company. In Scranton. Much like Sir Ian McKellan.
Andy: I need to know who put my calculator in Jell-O or I'm going to lose my freakin'mind!
Michael: I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair?
Creed: In the 60s I made love to many, many women, often outdoors in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing.
Michael: Who should be the judges and juries of our society?
Angela: Judges and juries.
Phyllis: We all thought you were gay in high school, what with your ties and your matching socks.
Michael: I'm going to raise the stakes. I want you to watch this, and I want you to burn this into your brains. Because this is an image that I want you people to remember for a long time to come.
Michael: Oh, there's Gil, Oscar's roommate. I wonder if he knows.
Michael: You don't call retarded people "retards." It's bad taste. You call your friends "retards" when they're acting retarded.
Michael: I have been calling people "faggy" since I was in junior high and I have never made this mistake. If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite way, you know.
Jim: I can't say whether Dunder-Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure you that it is certainly not more flammable.
Karen: Jim's nice enough, but I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera like this. What is that?
Dwight: Jim told me you could buy gaydar online.
Kelly: It is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you.
Oscar: Yes, I am super-cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company. In Scranton. Much like Sir Ian McKellan.
Andy: I need to know who put my calculator in Jell-O or I'm going to lose my freakin'mind!
Michael: I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair?
Creed: In the 60s I made love to many, many women, often outdoors in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing.
Michael: Who should be the judges and juries of our society?
Angela: Judges and juries.
Phyllis: We all thought you were gay in high school, what with your ties and your matching socks.
Michael: I'm going to raise the stakes. I want you to watch this, and I want you to burn this into your brains. Because this is an image that I want you people to remember for a long time to come.
Michael: Oh, there's Gil, Oscar's roommate. I wonder if he knows.
Monday, July 5, 2010
02/09/06: Great Moments in "The Office" - Valentine's Day
Meredith: "Happy Valentine's Day darling, Love, Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration."
Michael: It's New York, city of love.
Michael: New York, New York. The city so nice, they named it twice. Manhattan's the other name.
Dwight: It's me. I'm the bobble-head.
Ryan: I hooked up with her on February 13th.
Michael: Times Square! Most people, when they come to New York, they come to the Empire State Building. That's very touristy. I come here.
Michael: This is the world-famous Rockefeller Center, founded of course by Theodore Rockefeller. This is the skating rink, and I think the Rangers practice there sometimes.
Pam: Sometimes a gift is really about the gesture, you know, like what it means instead of what it is.
Dwight: You mean like a ham?
Michael: Stanley's dedication is no doubt one of the hallmarks of the foundation of the business we're hoping to build our basis on.
Michael: I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton, what it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes, or try on Phyllis's pants.
Michael: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
Roy: Valentine's Day isn't over. Let's get you home, and you are gonna get the best sex of your life.
Michael: It's New York, city of love.
Michael: New York, New York. The city so nice, they named it twice. Manhattan's the other name.
Dwight: It's me. I'm the bobble-head.
Ryan: I hooked up with her on February 13th.
Michael: Times Square! Most people, when they come to New York, they come to the Empire State Building. That's very touristy. I come here.
Michael: This is the world-famous Rockefeller Center, founded of course by Theodore Rockefeller. This is the skating rink, and I think the Rangers practice there sometimes.
Pam: Sometimes a gift is really about the gesture, you know, like what it means instead of what it is.
Dwight: You mean like a ham?
Michael: Stanley's dedication is no doubt one of the hallmarks of the foundation of the business we're hoping to build our basis on.
Michael: I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton, what it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes, or try on Phyllis's pants.
Michael: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
Roy: Valentine's Day isn't over. Let's get you home, and you are gonna get the best sex of your life.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
10/04/05: Great Moments in "The Office" - Office Olympics
Dwight: He's like Mozart, and I'm like... Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, and you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
Kevin: We call it "hateball" because of how much Angela hates it.
Stanley: Yeah, I've got a game. It's called Work Hard So My Kids Can Go To College.
Angela: I do play games. I sing, and I dangle things in front of my cats.
Dwight: If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people.
Pam: When he's excited about something, like Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so, that hardly ever happens.
Dwight: Question: My grandparents left me a large number of armoires...
Angela: I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to Reception to talk to you.
Michael: Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.
Jim: Those are the doves.
Kevin: We call it "hateball" because of how much Angela hates it.
Stanley: Yeah, I've got a game. It's called Work Hard So My Kids Can Go To College.
Angela: I do play games. I sing, and I dangle things in front of my cats.
Dwight: If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people.
Pam: When he's excited about something, like Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so, that hardly ever happens.
Dwight: Question: My grandparents left me a large number of armoires...
Angela: I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to Reception to talk to you.
Michael: Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.
Jim: Those are the doves.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
09/27/05: Great Moments in "The Office" - Sexual Harrassment
Michael: We're like "Friends." I am Chandler and Joey, and Pam is Rachel, and Dwight is Kramer.
Michael: One time we were out and we met this set of twins and Packer told them that we were brothers. And so you know one thing led to another, And we brought 'em back to the motel, and then Packer did both of them. It was awesome.
Jim: Hey, what has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy!
Toby: Basic rule of thumb - let's just act every day like Pam's mom is coming in.
Jim: Oh my God, put on a shirt. I told you that you'd be on camera. I'm sorry, she's European.
Michael: You are never going to believe this. The girl in the video we're watching that Corporate gave us, Darryl banged her... and he's about 90% sure.
Michael: I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs from one guy to another.
Jim: Does that include "that's what she said"? Wow, that is really hard. Do you really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so...
Pam's mom: So, which one is Jim?
Michael: I love Phyllis. You know what else? I think she is gorgeous. I think she is an incredibly, incredibly attractive person. Come here. Give me a kiss. I'm not worried. You know what? The only thing I am worried about is getting a boner.
Michael: At some point the daddy can't take a bath with the kids any more. I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam, as much as I might want to.
Michael: One time we were out and we met this set of twins and Packer told them that we were brothers. And so you know one thing led to another, And we brought 'em back to the motel, and then Packer did both of them. It was awesome.
Jim: Hey, what has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy!
Toby: Basic rule of thumb - let's just act every day like Pam's mom is coming in.
Jim: Oh my God, put on a shirt. I told you that you'd be on camera. I'm sorry, she's European.
Michael: You are never going to believe this. The girl in the video we're watching that Corporate gave us, Darryl banged her... and he's about 90% sure.
Michael: I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs from one guy to another.
Jim: Does that include "that's what she said"? Wow, that is really hard. Do you really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so...
Pam's mom: So, which one is Jim?
Michael: I love Phyllis. You know what else? I think she is gorgeous. I think she is an incredibly, incredibly attractive person. Come here. Give me a kiss. I'm not worried. You know what? The only thing I am worried about is getting a boner.
Michael: At some point the daddy can't take a bath with the kids any more. I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam, as much as I might want to.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
03/24/05: Great Moments in "The Office" - first episode
Michael: Thank you very much, sir. You are a gentleman and a scholar. ...oh, I'm sorry. My mistake.
Michael: If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago.
Michael: That was a joke that, uh, was actually my brother's.
Pam: Are you going to Angela's cat party on Sunday?
Michael: As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.
Michael: Right here. Three Stooges. High five. Oh, Pam. It's a guy thing.
Dwight: I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview.
Michael: I think I'm a role model here.
Dwight: He put my stuff in Jell-O again!
Jim: Dwight, I'm sorry. Because I have always been your biggest flan.
Ryan: You should have put him in custardy.
Michael: I'm a friend first, a boss second, probably an entertainer third.
Michael: You have made my life so much easier in that I am going to have to let you go first.
Michael: If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago.
Michael: That was a joke that, uh, was actually my brother's.
Pam: Are you going to Angela's cat party on Sunday?
Michael: As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.
Michael: Right here. Three Stooges. High five. Oh, Pam. It's a guy thing.
Dwight: I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview.
Michael: I think I'm a role model here.
Dwight: He put my stuff in Jell-O again!
Jim: Dwight, I'm sorry. Because I have always been your biggest flan.
Ryan: You should have put him in custardy.
Michael: I'm a friend first, a boss second, probably an entertainer third.
Michael: You have made my life so much easier in that I am going to have to let you go first.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
01/26/06: Great Moments in "The Office"
This one aired before I started doing "Great Moments," but I recently caught the rerun and just happened to have a pen handy. It's the one where someone leaves a big stinky fudge dragon in Michael's office.
Ryan: Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me.
Creed: Hey, guys. Somebody making soup?
Michael: I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and applaud as I walked away.
Michael: Packer and I once spent a whole day with our pants off.
Michael: Once, as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office. It was hysterical.
Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.
Stanley: That's not what a hate crime is.
Michael: Well, I hated it. A lot.
Michael: Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in the office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them.
Kelly: You just asked a girl out on the phone!
Packer: Did you get that package I left for you?
Michael: It was done out of love, just like I thought.
Pam: I moved my computer so I can't see Michael's head. It's working. I think I can have a career as a very specific type of decorator.
Ryan: Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me.
Creed: Hey, guys. Somebody making soup?
Michael: I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and applaud as I walked away.
Michael: Packer and I once spent a whole day with our pants off.
Michael: Once, as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office. It was hysterical.
Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.
Stanley: That's not what a hate crime is.
Michael: Well, I hated it. A lot.
Michael: Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in the office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them.
Kelly: You just asked a girl out on the phone!
Packer: Did you get that package I left for you?
Michael: It was done out of love, just like I thought.
Pam: I moved my computer so I can't see Michael's head. It's working. I think I can have a career as a very specific type of decorator.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Celebrity Apprentice, 5/23/2010 (#11): Final Task
I had hoped to get a taste of the two new tea flavors before writing the recap, but I couldn't find any. The Snapple website says that Shaw's has it in Massachusetts, but I didn't see any in the store I went to - nor even an empty spot for it on the shelf where it would have been. It was a big shelf, too, filled to capacity (having just been restocked) with regular, peach, and raspberry tea. No Compassion Berry, and no Trop-A-Rocka.
Team Bret: Summer Sanders, Darryl Strawberry
Team Holly: Maria Kanellis, Curtis Stone
Ears/Eyes: Junior & Ivanka Trump
Task: Create a new Snapple flavor and design the label; create a 30-second TV ad for it and a three-page print ad. Judging will include originality, creativity, branding, and charity integration. Winner's charity will receive $250,000.
Last week:
Michaels is happy to get Summer Sanders and Darryl Strawberry on his team. Strawberry tells us he wants to redeem himself.
Peete tells us she's hoping to get Sanders; she's visibly disappointed to get Stone and Kanellis instead, but tells us she'll take whatever help she can get. Kanellis is eager to talk about the TV and print ads right away, and persists in making suggestions even after Peete tells her that they really need to focus on their new tea flavor for now. They'll develop their creative concept based on the outcome of their taste-test at the mall.
As a diabetic, Michaels wants to do a diet tea. He wants to use cinnamon and passion fruit, both of which are good for regulating blood sugar levels.
Stone is helpful to Peete in the flavor selection, advising against using "winter flavors" (like cinnamon?) for a product that will be sold in the summer. Her first choice is passion fruit and strawberry - "Compassion Berry." I think coconut is also mentioned, though it doesn't make it into the final product.
So they both like passion fruit. Cool! Did I mention that they can't use the same flavors, and will have to negotiate with each other for the flavors they want? Peete sends Stone to the negotiation, since he knows more about Michaels than she does. To us, Sanders voices doubts about Michaels being able to get what he wants.
Michaels opens the negotiation by telling Stone all of his ideas - first and second choices, and all of the combinations he's considering. (What is he thinking?) Needless to say, he doesn't get any passion fruit. Not wanting to waste a lot of time on the negotiation when there's so much else to do, he quickly caves. Fortunately, Stone doesn't cripple his backup plans too, so Michaels ends up with a lot of alternates that he's happy with. Meanwhile, Peete has exactly what she wants.
Michaels comes up with two flavor combos - Pear-Plum-Nutty (nutmeg - winter flavors!), and Trop-A-Rocka which turns out to be pear-mango-peach-vanilla-cinnamon.
They take their teas to the mall for taste testing. Apparently, Peete's team has something with basil in it that seems to test well, but I don't think basil made it into the final product. Kanellis gripes, saying they should have more flavors, but it seems Compassion Berry is a hit.
Junior is skeptical of Pear-Plum-Nutty, and it doesn't test well. One tester says it "tastes like Grandpa." Kanellis sneaks a taste and tells us it "tastes like Christmas." She then goes off on a bizarre tangent about Michaels' taste in women. Classy. (Heh, this sounds like sour grapes. Did he turn her down?)
When Strawberry comes back from the mall with the results, Michaels and Sanders are both surprised that Trop-A-Rocka did better than the Pear-Plum-Nutty. (I'm not.) Michaels had already begun his advertising based on Pear-Plum-Nutty, so this is inconvenient. He's also torn between doing a funny ad, which he thinks will be important, and a sincere ad, because he takes his charity seriously - so he decides to do both! Sanders frets.
After auditioning some actors for the ad, Peete can't bear to be the bad guy, so she has Stone fire the ones she doesn't want. (Aw, Peete! Just pretend they're all Cyndi Lauper.) He also dresses the set gorgeously. Dude knows how to decorate with food! Peete designs the label for the tea, incorporating puzzle piece shapes that symbolize the fight against autism. Her plan is to do a funny ad for TV, and a more serious one for print.
Meanwhile, Michaels gets distracted by the pretty actresses who show up to work on his ad. While Peete is almost finished with her shooting, Michaels has barely started, because he's hung up on getting a dolly track. He feels that a dolly zoom is the only possible way to make his ad work.
This week:
Michaels gets really frustrated when he can't get a dolly track on short notice, but after getting all wound up about that, he ends up rigging a perfectly good substitute with a cart. Ivanka questions whether it's a good idea for him to do two ads. (I think we only ever see one ad, so I'm not sure how or if that worked out. Maybe I missed something.) Then he goes to the studio to edit the ads and realizes he left his voiceover script behind, so he wings it.
Sanders doesn't really get the humor in the "funny" ad, and assuming that that's the ad we end up seeing, I'm not sure I get it either. I think it's funny only in that it's sort of weird.
Meanwhile, Peete works on tomorrow's presentation, while Stone does the print ad and Kanellis edits the TV ad. Ivanka thinks Peete's ad plays it too safe. Peete is miffed when Stone has to leave for a while to attend a friend's wedding.
Michaels' whole team wears hats like his to the Snapple presentation. Michaels is nervous and awkward. He emphasizes the tropical ingredients. (I'm still trying to figure out what's tropical about vanilla, cinnamon, peaches, and pears. Mangoes, yes. And maybe cinnamon? But not the rest!)
Peete's presentation goes more smoothly, and I think the ad is cute. Not any more "safe" than any other Snapple ad, I don't think.
But Trump asks the crowd which ad they liked better, and the applause in favor of Michaels' is much louder. (But Michaels is also more popular, so what does the applause really prove?)
Judgment: The Snapple execs think Michaels is "Snapply" and say that a diet tea has greater potential than regular as a growth market. They like his TV ad better than Peete's, and they prefer his personality too, though Trump says he likes Peete's personality better. They think Peete's label is better than Michaels', though. As for the print ad, it's a tossup. One of them has a better cover, while the other has better inside copy. So... it's a draw, according to Snapple. Fortunately, they offer a matching donation, so that the non-winner can end up with equal winnings!
In the boardroom, Trump, Junior, and Ivanka all say that a diet drink puts Michaels at a disadvantage in terms of sales potential. They find it odd that Peete didn't use Kanellis in their ads. (I don't, but I'll refrain from making more catty remarks.) Having a chef on Peete's side was an advantage. But her materials included less personal and charity branding than Michaels'.
Trump agrees that Darryl Strawberry redeemed himself in this task, and makes a $25,000 personal donation to the Darryl Strawberry Foundation, which promotes global awareness for autism and other developmental disorders.
Trump asks Sanders if she wants Peete to win. Sanders has a hard time answering the question honestly. They discuss this much longer than necessary, since the conflict is obvious and irrelevant.
At the live show, Joan Rivers says that Michaels should win because he cheated death. Bill Rancic says Peete should win because of her incredible fund-raising skills. Rob Blagojevich agrees with Rancic. Peete says even her own kid likes Michaels, and she and Michaels have bonded since the taping. Michaels says he'll accept the sympathy vote since he's competing against Peete's hotness. (It is a nice dress!)
They talk about their charities. Peete says she should win because autism is such a big cause. She claims that she's not as mean as she seemed. Also, her mother had breast cancer during the taping, but Peete still showed up for every task.
Michaels says he won every task on which he was Project Manager, and stepped up for the very first task even though he was sleep-deprived. He never slit any throats. The only reason he was late for that first task was because he puts his all into everything he does (i.e. the show he did the night before the first task).
After giving kudos to both players and offering no further explanation or elaboration, Trump declares Michaels the winner.
Misc. live stuff:
Donation: $250,000 to Bret Michaels, the winner, for his charity,
American Diabetes Association camps for kids with diabetes. He already has $140,000 from two previous tasks, both of which he won.
Snapple makes a matching donation for the non-winner, Holly Robinson Peete's charity, the HollyRod Foundation helping families of children with autism get affordable treatment. She already has $347,893 from one previous task and a free-throw by Kanellis.
Remarks:
Team Bret: Summer Sanders, Darryl Strawberry
Team Holly: Maria Kanellis, Curtis Stone
Ears/Eyes: Junior & Ivanka Trump
Task: Create a new Snapple flavor and design the label; create a 30-second TV ad for it and a three-page print ad. Judging will include originality, creativity, branding, and charity integration. Winner's charity will receive $250,000.
Last week:
Michaels is happy to get Summer Sanders and Darryl Strawberry on his team. Strawberry tells us he wants to redeem himself.
Peete tells us she's hoping to get Sanders; she's visibly disappointed to get Stone and Kanellis instead, but tells us she'll take whatever help she can get. Kanellis is eager to talk about the TV and print ads right away, and persists in making suggestions even after Peete tells her that they really need to focus on their new tea flavor for now. They'll develop their creative concept based on the outcome of their taste-test at the mall.
As a diabetic, Michaels wants to do a diet tea. He wants to use cinnamon and passion fruit, both of which are good for regulating blood sugar levels.
Stone is helpful to Peete in the flavor selection, advising against using "winter flavors" (like cinnamon?) for a product that will be sold in the summer. Her first choice is passion fruit and strawberry - "Compassion Berry." I think coconut is also mentioned, though it doesn't make it into the final product.
So they both like passion fruit. Cool! Did I mention that they can't use the same flavors, and will have to negotiate with each other for the flavors they want? Peete sends Stone to the negotiation, since he knows more about Michaels than she does. To us, Sanders voices doubts about Michaels being able to get what he wants.
Michaels opens the negotiation by telling Stone all of his ideas - first and second choices, and all of the combinations he's considering. (What is he thinking?) Needless to say, he doesn't get any passion fruit. Not wanting to waste a lot of time on the negotiation when there's so much else to do, he quickly caves. Fortunately, Stone doesn't cripple his backup plans too, so Michaels ends up with a lot of alternates that he's happy with. Meanwhile, Peete has exactly what she wants.
Michaels comes up with two flavor combos - Pear-Plum-Nutty (nutmeg - winter flavors!), and Trop-A-Rocka which turns out to be pear-mango-peach-vanilla-cinnamon.
They take their teas to the mall for taste testing. Apparently, Peete's team has something with basil in it that seems to test well, but I don't think basil made it into the final product. Kanellis gripes, saying they should have more flavors, but it seems Compassion Berry is a hit.
Junior is skeptical of Pear-Plum-Nutty, and it doesn't test well. One tester says it "tastes like Grandpa." Kanellis sneaks a taste and tells us it "tastes like Christmas." She then goes off on a bizarre tangent about Michaels' taste in women. Classy. (Heh, this sounds like sour grapes. Did he turn her down?)
When Strawberry comes back from the mall with the results, Michaels and Sanders are both surprised that Trop-A-Rocka did better than the Pear-Plum-Nutty. (I'm not.) Michaels had already begun his advertising based on Pear-Plum-Nutty, so this is inconvenient. He's also torn between doing a funny ad, which he thinks will be important, and a sincere ad, because he takes his charity seriously - so he decides to do both! Sanders frets.
After auditioning some actors for the ad, Peete can't bear to be the bad guy, so she has Stone fire the ones she doesn't want. (Aw, Peete! Just pretend they're all Cyndi Lauper.) He also dresses the set gorgeously. Dude knows how to decorate with food! Peete designs the label for the tea, incorporating puzzle piece shapes that symbolize the fight against autism. Her plan is to do a funny ad for TV, and a more serious one for print.
Meanwhile, Michaels gets distracted by the pretty actresses who show up to work on his ad. While Peete is almost finished with her shooting, Michaels has barely started, because he's hung up on getting a dolly track. He feels that a dolly zoom is the only possible way to make his ad work.
This week:
Michaels gets really frustrated when he can't get a dolly track on short notice, but after getting all wound up about that, he ends up rigging a perfectly good substitute with a cart. Ivanka questions whether it's a good idea for him to do two ads. (I think we only ever see one ad, so I'm not sure how or if that worked out. Maybe I missed something.) Then he goes to the studio to edit the ads and realizes he left his voiceover script behind, so he wings it.
Sanders doesn't really get the humor in the "funny" ad, and assuming that that's the ad we end up seeing, I'm not sure I get it either. I think it's funny only in that it's sort of weird.
Meanwhile, Peete works on tomorrow's presentation, while Stone does the print ad and Kanellis edits the TV ad. Ivanka thinks Peete's ad plays it too safe. Peete is miffed when Stone has to leave for a while to attend a friend's wedding.
Michaels' whole team wears hats like his to the Snapple presentation. Michaels is nervous and awkward. He emphasizes the tropical ingredients. (I'm still trying to figure out what's tropical about vanilla, cinnamon, peaches, and pears. Mangoes, yes. And maybe cinnamon? But not the rest!)
Peete's presentation goes more smoothly, and I think the ad is cute. Not any more "safe" than any other Snapple ad, I don't think.
But Trump asks the crowd which ad they liked better, and the applause in favor of Michaels' is much louder. (But Michaels is also more popular, so what does the applause really prove?)
Judgment: The Snapple execs think Michaels is "Snapply" and say that a diet tea has greater potential than regular as a growth market. They like his TV ad better than Peete's, and they prefer his personality too, though Trump says he likes Peete's personality better. They think Peete's label is better than Michaels', though. As for the print ad, it's a tossup. One of them has a better cover, while the other has better inside copy. So... it's a draw, according to Snapple. Fortunately, they offer a matching donation, so that the non-winner can end up with equal winnings!
In the boardroom, Trump, Junior, and Ivanka all say that a diet drink puts Michaels at a disadvantage in terms of sales potential. They find it odd that Peete didn't use Kanellis in their ads. (I don't, but I'll refrain from making more catty remarks.) Having a chef on Peete's side was an advantage. But her materials included less personal and charity branding than Michaels'.
Trump agrees that Darryl Strawberry redeemed himself in this task, and makes a $25,000 personal donation to the Darryl Strawberry Foundation, which promotes global awareness for autism and other developmental disorders.
Trump asks Sanders if she wants Peete to win. Sanders has a hard time answering the question honestly. They discuss this much longer than necessary, since the conflict is obvious and irrelevant.
At the live show, Joan Rivers says that Michaels should win because he cheated death. Bill Rancic says Peete should win because of her incredible fund-raising skills. Rob Blagojevich agrees with Rancic. Peete says even her own kid likes Michaels, and she and Michaels have bonded since the taping. Michaels says he'll accept the sympathy vote since he's competing against Peete's hotness. (It is a nice dress!)
They talk about their charities. Peete says she should win because autism is such a big cause. She claims that she's not as mean as she seemed. Also, her mother had breast cancer during the taping, but Peete still showed up for every task.
Michaels says he won every task on which he was Project Manager, and stepped up for the very first task even though he was sleep-deprived. He never slit any throats. The only reason he was late for that first task was because he puts his all into everything he does (i.e. the show he did the night before the first task).
After giving kudos to both players and offering no further explanation or elaboration, Trump declares Michaels the winner.
Misc. live stuff:
- All the celebrities are there except Sharon Osbourne and Bill Goldberg.
- Trump asks what people think of Rod Blagojevich; Michael Johnson says he's guilty.
- Cyndi Lauper sings a song and dances on the boardroom table.
- Kanellis's Make-A-Wish kid meets Trump.
- Strawberry says this experience inspired him to open a restaurant.
- Lauper says her charity - Stonewall Community Foundation for True Colors, which promotes equality for the lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender community - got an additional $25,000 donation from the CD sales after her task.
- Sanders says her charity - Right to Play, which uses sport and play to improve the lives of disadvantaged children in developing and war-torn countries - got an additional $25,000 donation from Norton/Lifelock sales after her task.
- Kanellis regrets telling her poop story at her last boardroom.
Donation: $250,000 to Bret Michaels, the winner, for his charity,
American Diabetes Association camps for kids with diabetes. He already has $140,000 from two previous tasks, both of which he won.
Snapple makes a matching donation for the non-winner, Holly Robinson Peete's charity, the HollyRod Foundation helping families of children with autism get affordable treatment. She already has $347,893 from one previous task and a free-throw by Kanellis.
Remarks:
- I kept thinking, instead of calling it Trop-A-Rocka, why not call it Poison Tea? But that's probably too edgy for the broader consumer market and wouldn't be a good match with Snapple's focus on wholesome ingredients. (Then again, can you picture the ad? It would be too hilarious! People would be limp with laughter!) But Perhaps he can't use his band's name when doing non-band projects.
- There's a pointless but hilarious scene where Stone calls the same prop shop he'd used in an earlier task, and it's clear that the lady there is totally in love with him!
- Trump says there will be a regular Apprentice in the fall, and a Celebrity Apprentice in the spring. I would love to recap these as long as they don't devolve into the kind of bitchery we saw last year, but it's clear that I can't keep up the recapping any more - even doing just the quotes from The Office seems to be more than I can handle these days.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Celebrity Apprentice, 5/16/2010 (#10): Bye-Bye-Bye: The Firings
So much for getting this done in time for the finale. Sorry about that. This recap will focus on the firings and not the Snapple task. Needless to say, the recap of the final task will be a few more days.
The episode starts with a boardroom meeting in which the contestants must explain why they shouldn't be fired.
Peete says Kanellis is the weakest, and that she sometimes puts people down just for the heck of it. (Um, Peete? Do you remember all the times you dissed Lauper?)
Osbourne says Kanellis is the weakest and Peete is the strongest, and she's not sure she even has the right to compete with Peete.
Stone also says Kanellis is the weakest.
Kanellis claims that Stone is arrogant because he stank up their bathroom. (Sorry, Kanellis - if people could be fired for pooping, we'd all be out of a job. I'm sure your shit doesn't smell like daisies either.) This grosses Trump out, and he fires Kanellis on the spot. I am pleased, thinking that I won't have to see her again, but my joy is short-lived.
The remaining three are sent in for interviews with reigning Celebrity Apprentice Joan Rivers and First Apprentice Bill Rancic.
Before the interview, Rivers says Stone has been riding on his good looks. Stone claims, as he has often done, that he's a "natural leader." Rancic contests this - Stone only ever stepped up to be Project Manager once. Rivers asks Stone why he deferred to Michaels so often. Stone claims he wasn't deferring to him, but merely harnessing his creativity. Hmmm... Rivers and Rancic both conclude that Stone is limited.
Rancic predicts that Osbourne is out of gas. Osbourne says that cancer was harder than The Apprentice, yet she survived. She's fought for everything. Rivers asks, what if it's you vs. Peete? Osbourne sobs, "Nobody gives a shit about anybody's colon because it's up your ass and nobody cares, and it's not sexy." She regrets not having done enough for her charity.
Michaels says, "don't mistake my kindness for weakness." Later, Rivers says she didn't see any fire in him. Rancic disagrees.
Pre-interview, Rivers says that Peete fights harder; she can't just walk out of there, because when she goes home, her fight (against autism) will still be with her. Rancic asks Peete about losing twice; Peete reminds him that she also stepped up the most often. She tells Rivers that she's more resilient than she thought. As for the way she treated Kanellis, Leifer, and Lauper, "it's all business." (Rivers is in no position to criticize.)
They all go back to the boardroom for reckoning. Osbourne says she needs "really badly" to be in the finale. Michaels reminds them how awesome he is. Peete speaks of her passion and drive and ambition and consistency. (Consistency? Setting an all-time record in between losing twice?) Stone says he's the best leader (yawn) and not a one-trick pony.
But Stone is fired, because both Rancic and Rivers agreed he wasn't finale material. I wouldn't have hated it if he'd made it to the finale, mainly because I think he's capable of more than he ever attempted on this show when he had the option to hide behind others, and I'd like to see that for myself. But week after week, Stone hid behind his other teammates - especially Michaels - and let them take the lead and/or blame on tough decisions. He was very lucky never to have had to answer for a decision.
In a final round of pleas, Peete says to fire Michaels because Osbourne's passion has finally come out. And Michaels says to fire Peete.
Keep in mind that they don't know yet what the final task will be, and the past finales have been fund-raisers, though we saw last year that raising the most money doesn't guarantee a win. There is a lot of tension as each player surely must be silently weighing the fund-raising potential of the others: Peete's incredible, but her donors may be tapped out after that gigantic competition at the gym; Michaels had little opportunity to make calls during the last task and might have some gigantic bucks up his sleeve; and Osbourne may have reserved her deepest-pocketed friends for the finale.
Osbourne begins to cry again, saying she doesn't want to be a loser. She doesn't know who deserves more to be fired, but adds, "I died and came back. I'm strong enough."
And then, despite my numerous (and mostly offline) claims that Osbourne would "definitely" make it to the finale and probably win because she's a friend of NBC, just like Joan Rivers and Piers Morgan, she is fired. She makes a very tearful exit.
Michaels and Peete leave the boardroom on a much friendlier note than Rivers and Duke did last year. No Hitler talk!
Remarks:
I never had any interest in Bret Michaels before this show; I wasn't a fan of hair bands in the 80s, and what little I knew about Michaels was based on SNL's parody of Rock of Love. However, I've been impressed with him ever since week 1. Except for a little bit of drama queening, especially early on, he's been the ultimate team player: he gives 100% to every task, whether the project manager deserves it or not (except that time when Sinbad was PM and Michaels had no idea what to do). He never hid behind other people or delegated important tasks, and he didn't slack off after his big win the first week, as so many other celebrities have done on this show. Even when he wasn't PM, his teammates often looked to him for guidance. (One wonders how things would have turned out if Michael Johnson, who did not seem to trust Michaels as much, hadn't dropped out.) Michaels is actually the best Apprentice, celebrity or non-celebrity, winner or not, that we've seen in many years.
Given recent developments, it won't surprise me if Michaels wins no matter what the outcome of the Snapple task; but I'm hoping that Trop-A-Rocka ends up being a big hit so it won't be an issue.
Epilogue: Please note, I wrote the above "ode to Bret" before I knew the outcome of the Snapple task and finale! The Snapple execs declared the contest a draw (not sure if that was six months ago when they originally taped the show, or more recently), leaving it up to Trump to declare a winner. Trump didn't give a solid reason for choosing Michaels, but at least he didn't spew a bunch of bullshit like last year when he said that Joan Rivers, who compared Annie Duke to Hitler, was a great role model. On the other hand, Michaels isn't such a bad role model, as Apprentices go, so I would have bought that!
The episode starts with a boardroom meeting in which the contestants must explain why they shouldn't be fired.
Peete says Kanellis is the weakest, and that she sometimes puts people down just for the heck of it. (Um, Peete? Do you remember all the times you dissed Lauper?)
Osbourne says Kanellis is the weakest and Peete is the strongest, and she's not sure she even has the right to compete with Peete.
Stone also says Kanellis is the weakest.
Kanellis claims that Stone is arrogant because he stank up their bathroom. (Sorry, Kanellis - if people could be fired for pooping, we'd all be out of a job. I'm sure your shit doesn't smell like daisies either.) This grosses Trump out, and he fires Kanellis on the spot. I am pleased, thinking that I won't have to see her again, but my joy is short-lived.
The remaining three are sent in for interviews with reigning Celebrity Apprentice Joan Rivers and First Apprentice Bill Rancic.
Before the interview, Rivers says Stone has been riding on his good looks. Stone claims, as he has often done, that he's a "natural leader." Rancic contests this - Stone only ever stepped up to be Project Manager once. Rivers asks Stone why he deferred to Michaels so often. Stone claims he wasn't deferring to him, but merely harnessing his creativity. Hmmm... Rivers and Rancic both conclude that Stone is limited.
Rancic predicts that Osbourne is out of gas. Osbourne says that cancer was harder than The Apprentice, yet she survived. She's fought for everything. Rivers asks, what if it's you vs. Peete? Osbourne sobs, "Nobody gives a shit about anybody's colon because it's up your ass and nobody cares, and it's not sexy." She regrets not having done enough for her charity.
Michaels says, "don't mistake my kindness for weakness." Later, Rivers says she didn't see any fire in him. Rancic disagrees.
Pre-interview, Rivers says that Peete fights harder; she can't just walk out of there, because when she goes home, her fight (against autism) will still be with her. Rancic asks Peete about losing twice; Peete reminds him that she also stepped up the most often. She tells Rivers that she's more resilient than she thought. As for the way she treated Kanellis, Leifer, and Lauper, "it's all business." (Rivers is in no position to criticize.)
They all go back to the boardroom for reckoning. Osbourne says she needs "really badly" to be in the finale. Michaels reminds them how awesome he is. Peete speaks of her passion and drive and ambition and consistency. (Consistency? Setting an all-time record in between losing twice?) Stone says he's the best leader (yawn) and not a one-trick pony.
But Stone is fired, because both Rancic and Rivers agreed he wasn't finale material. I wouldn't have hated it if he'd made it to the finale, mainly because I think he's capable of more than he ever attempted on this show when he had the option to hide behind others, and I'd like to see that for myself. But week after week, Stone hid behind his other teammates - especially Michaels - and let them take the lead and/or blame on tough decisions. He was very lucky never to have had to answer for a decision.
In a final round of pleas, Peete says to fire Michaels because Osbourne's passion has finally come out. And Michaels says to fire Peete.
Keep in mind that they don't know yet what the final task will be, and the past finales have been fund-raisers, though we saw last year that raising the most money doesn't guarantee a win. There is a lot of tension as each player surely must be silently weighing the fund-raising potential of the others: Peete's incredible, but her donors may be tapped out after that gigantic competition at the gym; Michaels had little opportunity to make calls during the last task and might have some gigantic bucks up his sleeve; and Osbourne may have reserved her deepest-pocketed friends for the finale.
Osbourne begins to cry again, saying she doesn't want to be a loser. She doesn't know who deserves more to be fired, but adds, "I died and came back. I'm strong enough."
And then, despite my numerous (and mostly offline) claims that Osbourne would "definitely" make it to the finale and probably win because she's a friend of NBC, just like Joan Rivers and Piers Morgan, she is fired. She makes a very tearful exit.
Michaels and Peete leave the boardroom on a much friendlier note than Rivers and Duke did last year. No Hitler talk!
Remarks:
I never had any interest in Bret Michaels before this show; I wasn't a fan of hair bands in the 80s, and what little I knew about Michaels was based on SNL's parody of Rock of Love. However, I've been impressed with him ever since week 1. Except for a little bit of drama queening, especially early on, he's been the ultimate team player: he gives 100% to every task, whether the project manager deserves it or not (except that time when Sinbad was PM and Michaels had no idea what to do). He never hid behind other people or delegated important tasks, and he didn't slack off after his big win the first week, as so many other celebrities have done on this show. Even when he wasn't PM, his teammates often looked to him for guidance. (One wonders how things would have turned out if Michael Johnson, who did not seem to trust Michaels as much, hadn't dropped out.) Michaels is actually the best Apprentice, celebrity or non-celebrity, winner or not, that we've seen in many years.
Given recent developments, it won't surprise me if Michaels wins no matter what the outcome of the Snapple task; but I'm hoping that Trop-A-Rocka ends up being a big hit so it won't be an issue.
Epilogue: Please note, I wrote the above "ode to Bret" before I knew the outcome of the Snapple task and finale! The Snapple execs declared the contest a draw (not sure if that was six months ago when they originally taped the show, or more recently), leaving it up to Trump to declare a winner. Trump didn't give a solid reason for choosing Michaels, but at least he didn't spew a bunch of bullshit like last year when he said that Joan Rivers, who compared Annie Duke to Hitler, was a great role model. On the other hand, Michaels isn't such a bad role model, as Apprentices go, so I would have bought that!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
5/20/10: Great Moments in "The Office"
Andy: If you say anything, so help me God I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.
Michael: We should give 'em a one-way ticket to Montego Bay, where they keep all the Al-Queda.
Dwight: I don't want to waste your time, and I wouldn't dare waste mine.
Michael: My mind is going a mile an hour.
Toby: Write your own damn novel.
Michael: I have an early dinner that I need to get to... with the Chief of Police.
Stanley: It wasn't me.
Gabe: What a rich timbre your voice has.
David: I am here to talk about "Suck It."
Michael: My new favorite restaurant sucks.
Jo: Nobody'll want to play with my Barbie.
Michael: I Shirley do, and don't call me "Honey."
Michael: We should give 'em a one-way ticket to Montego Bay, where they keep all the Al-Queda.
Dwight: I don't want to waste your time, and I wouldn't dare waste mine.
Michael: My mind is going a mile an hour.
Toby: Write your own damn novel.
Michael: I have an early dinner that I need to get to... with the Chief of Police.
Stanley: It wasn't me.
Gabe: What a rich timbre your voice has.
David: I am here to talk about "Suck It."
Michael: My new favorite restaurant sucks.
Jo: Nobody'll want to play with my Barbie.
Michael: I Shirley do, and don't call me "Honey."
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