Task: Design and sell cupcakes out of a truck that's custom-decorated by the team.
Men's Team (henceforth "KOTU"): Herschel Walker (captain), Clint Black, Andrew "Dice" Clay, Tom Green, Scott Hamilton, Jesse James, Brian McKnight, Dennis Rodman
Women's Team (henceforth "Athena"): Joan Rivers (captain), Annie Duke, Natalie Gulbis, Claudia Jordan, Khloe Kardashian, Melissa Rivers, Brande Roderick, Tionne Watkins
Eyes and Ears: Don Jr., Ivanka
Outcome: KOTU raises $49,449; Athena raises $61,257 plus another $15,000 for having the better-tasting cupcake. Athena wins.
Boardroom: Walker chooses Clay and Rodman for the boardroom.
Fired: Clay, for not fighting as hard as the other guys did, either during the event or during the boardroom. His charity, StandUp For Kids, gets nothing that I know of.
Charity: $126K to NY-based charity God's Love We Deliver, which provides meals and nutritional counseling to housebound people who are ill.
We begin Season 2 with yet another boys vs. girls competition. You know it will just be a matter of time before Trump starts complaining that the women are relying too much on their sex appeal...
Melissa Rivers asks the women's team if anyone wants to be the project manager. Joan Rivers volunteers, everyone agrees, and it's a done deal. They decide to get the naming out of the way. Annie Duke suggests "Athena," for the goddess of war. They reject "Phoenix," "Winners," and "Ballbusters."
Andrew Dice Clay kicks off the men's meeting with a complaint about the lack of refreshments. Scott Hamilton seems to take control of the meeting at first, encouraging them to come up with a name, but declares himself only the secretary.
They discuss possible names; they soon settle on Clay's suggestion of "KOTU" (Kings Of The Universe), which will turn out to be Clay's only useful contribution to the team all night. The team rejects such gems as "VIP Enterprises," "Triumph," "Team FUBAR," and "Money-Getters." Tom Green doesn't love the selected name, but realizes that they won't agree on everything, and that they need to focus on winning.
Herschel Walker says they need to pick a manager. Hamilton says Walker should be the manager. Most of the team agrees. Dennis Rodman grumbles about this later, saying they never voted on it. However, it looks like he never voiced any objection when it happened - he lifted his hand maybe two inches off of his knee in protest, but it was under the table, so nobody even saw. (Walker says he has some kind of "food business," so evidently he's qualified.)
They reconvene with Trump, who gives them their assignment. Clay actually complains to Trump that there weren't any bagels during their meeting.
The men prepare
The teams must decide where they will sell their wares. Jesse James thinks that Clay will be the biggest draw, and he suggests going where they're most likely to encounter his fans - Times Square - and Clay can act as a carnival barker (so James says) to attract people. Clint Black worries that the women's team might pick the same spot, but McKnight thinks they have more star power.
Jesse James volunteers to design the signage for the truck. We soon learn that the guy is design-crazy! Clay admires him behind his back, saying that he hadn't thought he'd be so useful. Ironic words, coming from Clay... but I don't want to get ahead of myself.
On their way to the Institute of Culinary Education, Green encourages his teammates to start calling rich friends. Maybe Walker does too; if so, we don't see it.
On the chefs' advice, Walker decides to keep the cupcakes simple - just two recipes. Hamilton suggests yellow and chocolates. Everyone puts on the apron and hat, except Clay, who refuses to wear the hat. "I don't wanna look stupid," he explains, "I'm from Brooklyn." Uh-huh. Well, thanks for clearing that up. Clearly he doesn't mind acting stupid, as long as he's not wearing a hat while he's doing it.
James takes photos of everyone and takes McKnight with him to take care of the truck design. James is a Photoshop maniac! He comes up with a design he calls "Celebrity Cupcakestar Galactica." McKnight tells us he wants to lay low and do as he's told, so he won't be blamed for anything. (I guess he doesn't watch the show. Trump notices when people hold back and wait to be told what to do.)
Clay sips from his water bottle and chats on the phone while the other guys chop chocolate, weigh and measure ingredients, sift flour, and crack eggs. The other guys tell us that they really could use his help. Instead, Clay arranges to do a couple of shows at Sirius radio to promote the cupcake sale. Sirius is subscription-only, not a regular local broadcast station, so not everyone's going to hear him, and most of the people who do hear him won't be anywhere near NY, but oh well. He then graciously asks Walker for permission after committing to Sirius. Green strongly encourages him to stick around and help with the baking. Walker and the others don't try to talk Clay out of it, since he's not helping here anyway.
Green suspects that they're throwing Clay under the bus and worries that he can't trust them; I say Clay's throwing himself under the bus. He's done a great job of making himself the center of attention, so why not quit now? Too bad for his charity, I guess. StandUp for Kids seems like a worthy group. Hopefully he'll make a private donation.
He takes Dennis Rodman with him, I don't know why, and brags that with the radio publicity, they might attract too many people. Rodman takes Clay to task for his non-participation in the baking.
The cupcakes are done! Somehow, someone neglected to add sugar. Black tells us it's Walker's fault for not doing a good job managing. Are the cupcakes ruined? Maybe not. One of the chefs has them mix up a sugar syrup to brush over the top of each cake. Green is way too excited about how the syrup disappears into the cupcakes. They still taste a little like ass, we are told, but they're much more edible.
The women prepare
The women discuss possible locations. Joan's first choice is a spot near Macy's and Penn Station that Annie Duke remembers to have been a bad location on last year's show - lots of foot traffic, but people were in a hurry and didn't have money to burn.
It's true that Trump chastised Emresario last year, and Duke has clearly done her homework, but Joan shuts her down. Anyway, it turns out that the location Joan has in mind is across the street from the disastrous one; if you've been to Manhattan, you know that sometimes one side of the street is a whole different world from the other side of the street.
The concern is moot anyway when Brande Roderick mentions that the Playboy headquarters is near that spot. Hef's got big bucks - last year, the first to be fired was the Bunny who had failed to ask him for money! (With their hot dog cart right near the Playboy headquarters, apparently?? They didn't mention that last year!)
Duke asks how much money they think they need to win. The consensus seems to be around $30K. Duke brags that she can raise that much money single-handedly and challenges them to bring in a mere $5K apiece if she can raise $15K.
Earlier, Duke told us that making people feel good is a waste of time. Apparently, however, she has no reservations about alienating people whose loyalty she'll need when she's project manager...
Like the men, they rapidly settle on two kinds of cupcakes - vanilla and chocolate. I notice Gulbis isn't wearing a hat, but at least she's working. Four of them work as a team to bake the cupcakes, while Joan, Melissa, Roderick, and Jordan take care of the truck design.
Joan wants a bubble machine for the truck and matching aprons for everyone. She also thinks it's necessary to make the sign as tacky as possible to attract Jewish people. (Don't blame me! I didn't say it!) Melissa wants to add a LOT of verbiage to the sign. Roderick confides to us that it seems like Melissa's calling all the shots, rather than Joan. Jordan and Roderick make faces as Melissa tells the graphic artist what to do.
Back in the kitchen, Duke takes personal credit for the perfect vanilla cupcakes. The chocolate cupcakes fail to rise; Gulbis, who was in charge of the ingredients, worries that she made a mistake. Duke seems quite eager to blame her and starts another batch of vanilla cupcakes. She even calls the truck design team to come back and help out. When they arrive, Gulbis looks on with loathing as Duke makes extra-sure to let them know that she made the vanilla cupcakes that didn't sink.
The chocolate cupcakes aren't a total loss. Jordan suggests that they fill them in with frosting. The chef recommends chocolate ganache. Jordan bristles when Duke tells her how to spread frosting. Duke is very bossy, nervously trying to take control of a situation that's not out of control. (I sense an anxiety problem; I can relate, but one of the important challenges of anxiety is to avoid harassing others just to settle your nerves.) Some of the women bristle at her attitude; Joan compares her to Mussolini, keeping the trains running on time but making everyone miserable.
The men sell
The men's truck has a colorful, splashy display that you can see from blocks away. They set a minimum price of $20 and proceed to sell.
Clay does act as a carnival barker to attract customers for a while, but either eventually loses interest or is taking a lot of breaks. Tom Green seems to do most of the barking. He tells us that Walker isn't leading.
Their customers include Tony Hawk, Doug Wilson, and Donny Deutsch. The Naked Cowboy draws a crowd by playing guitar on the roof of the truck.
Rodman hides in the truck during the sale. When some fans ask to see him and Clay, Clay comes out, but Rodman stays in, playing with his phone. Walker does nothing.
Green goes into the truck to coax Rodman out. Rodman tells us that if he goes out on the street, he'll be a distraction and people won't buy the cupcakes. Instead, he lets people take a picture with him (in the truck) after they buy a cupcake. When Ivanka comes by to check out the sale, she's surprised to find Rodman taking it easy.
As the end of the sale approaches, the guys have to mark the cupcakes down in order to move them.
The women sell
The women's truck is really fun and cute as anything when you see it up close, but it's hard to make out the signage from a distance. Melissa admits to some truck envy when she sees the men's truck.
The team emphasizes gifts to charity over cupcake sales. I don't know whose idea that was, but it was a good one. Their customers include Playboy bunnies sent by Hugh Hefner, Eric Benét, some people from the Today show, and several of Duke's deep-pocketed poker pals. Duke says that poker players are some of the most generous people you'll ever meet; they certainly came through for her.
Junior comes by to check on the sale. For some reason, Melissa (rather than Joan) talks to him. She interrupts him in mid-sentence to call possible customers over.
As the end of the sale approaches, Duke tries to refuse some sales so that she can reserve cupcakes for big spenders. She gives Roderick some grief for trying to sell cupcakes to big donors and tattles to Joan, who tells her to calm down. The donors pay $9,000 for the rest of the cupcakes. Duke is upset that they're out of cupcakes 15 minutes early.
The cupcake taste-off
At some point during the sale, Trump has each project manager send someone to the Crumbs bakery with a cupcake for a judge there to sample. Crumbs will donate $15,000 to the team that has the better cupcake.
Walker sends Clay, who hasn't been doing much for the sale anyway. He selects a classic yellow cupcake with Walker's blessing. Joan sends Melissa, who chooses one of the sunken chocolate ones filled with ganache.
With a neutral face, the taster from Crumbs tries Athena's so-called chocolate bomb. After tasting KOTU's ass-flavored, sugar-syrup-fortified cupcake, she twitches her eyebrows and chews for a very long time. Clay thinks this is a good sign.
When Melissa gets back, she's told that the chef at the Institute had liked the vanilla cupcakes with chocolate chips best (Melissa hadn't been in the kitchen at the time). Some of her teammates, especially Duke (who was so proud of her perfect vanilla cupcakes), are upset that Melissa brought the "ruined" cupcakes even though they tasted perfectly okay.
The postmortem
The teams meet with Trump for the outcome. Joan Rivers praises her team. Duke makes a sour face when Joan names Roderick as the star for bringing in so much money and having a good attitude.
Jordan tells Trump that Duke was the weakest team member because of her personality. Duke defends herself, saying that she was simply taking control and that Joan gave her permission to do so.
Walker declines to identify the weak link in his team; Clay speaks up and says he doesn't "believe in baking." (What the hell does that mean? It's like saying that he can't wear a hat because he's from Brooklyn.) He made himself the "court jester" because "I had to almost invent a job for myself." He does some unnecessary, outdated impressions of John Travolta and Sylvester Stallone to show off his great morale-boosting powers.
Trump asks Walker if he used Rodman to attract people. Walker admits that he couldn't get Rodman to work.
The women easily won the taste test; the judge thought the men's cupcake was "disgusting." That's another $15,ooo to the women's total, which (without the bonus) is already $61,257. We find out that the men raised $49,449.
Athena wins, and Joan Rivers gets $126,000 for her charity God's Love We Deliver, which provides meals and nutrition counseling to housebound people in New York. The women go up to the suite to drink champagne and watch the boardroom on closed-circuit TV.
In the boardroom
Green brags that he raised the most money - $16,000. Walker says he raised even more. This means that the ten other men together raised less than $18,000. You'd think Rodman alone could raise more than that. James says his friends don't have money, but he would have done a better job than Walker did of keeping Rodman on the street.
McKnight tells Trump that none of them are used to being subordinate. Good point, except that some of them didn't take an responsibility for their own participation, either. James says that their cupcakes sucked, too. Hamilton won't blame anyone for the cupcakes, and Clay says it wasn't his fault because he didn't do any of the cooking, but he did have the brilliant idea to make a yellow cupcake (I think it was Hamilton's), and besides he sells lots of tickets at his shows. Also, he promoted the sale on the radio.
Never mind that none of these things brought in nearly as much as Green and Walker did personally.
When James blames Rodman for the poor sales, Rodman gives his line about being afraid his great popularity would deflect crowds away from the cupcakes. He blames Walker for not "delegating" a specific role to him at any time. Clay agrees that it was every man for himself in the kitchen. McKnight disagrees and says each man took a role.
(Up in the suite, Jordan asks her teammates if they could still be friends after a boardroom meeting like that. Some of them think so.)
Summary of blame:
- Clay blamed by: Black, Hamilton, McKnight for non-participation.
- Hamilton blamed by: Clay. (If Clay is joking, it's the only funny thing Clay's said all night!)
- Rodman blamed by: James (twice), Hamilton, Walker for non-participation.
- Walker blamed by: Clay, Green, Rodman for weak management.
In his own defense, Walker says he's not a babysitter.
Not surprisingly, Walker chooses Clay and Rodman for the boardroom. Rodman says he's always the victim. Trump tells him to knock it off.
The Trumps have a very noncommittal conversation in the boardroom. Junior reminds us that Walker raised the most money.
In the lobby, Walker sits quietly; Rodman says they'll all live no matter what happens; Clay paces nervously and says goofy things. The Trumps call the men back in.
Yawning, Rodman again blames Walker for not having had a game plan. He says that Walker never personally told him to get out of the truck. Walker says that he did. (We didn't see that he did, but maybe the camera didn't get it.) Clay says that he had to figure out his own job, and that he did bring people to the truck (it is true), but Walker says Clay was in the truck when the call came to take a cupcake to Crumbs (also true), contrary to Clay's claim that he was on the corner with Green (not true, if the footage we saw is accurate). Clay says he doesn't "go for that kind of stuff," whatever that means.
Walker says Clay just didn't want to work. Walker calls Clay a has-been. Clay asks when's the last time Walker played ball. Clay won't admit that he wanted to quit, and says he was just going to "take it for everybody else" to show his kids what their dad is capable of. However, Ivanka says that at that moment, it hadn't seemed like he was trying to be a martyr.
Trump fires Clay, saying that he didn't show as much fight as Walker and Rodman. However, he refuses to call him a quitter.
My MVP
My MVP pick for this episode, not that it matters, :-) is Tom Green. He has a reputation for acting crazy, but he was quite focused on this task. He took it very seriously, kept a positive attitude, didn't make problems for Walker, and also didn't wait to be told to act when he saw things that needed to be done.
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