Michael: I am like Bette Midler in For the Boys. Gotta keep the troops entertained.
Jim: I'm your project supervisor today, and I have just decided that we're not doing anything until you get the chips that you require. So I think we should go get some. Now, please.
Creed: A human can go on living fo several hours after being decapitated.
Dwight: You're thinking of a chicken.
Creed: What'd I say?
Dwight: If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice.
Dwight: I gave him a six-foot extension cord so he can't chase us.
Michael: Can you imagine how much blood there was? If it happened right here it would reach all the way to Reception. Probably get on Pam.
Michael: He leaves work, he's on his way home, Wham! His cappa is ditated from his head.
Michael: If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job.
Michael: It feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time somebody else is hitting my crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone. And I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly alone.
Dwight: I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
Ryan: My cousin, Mufasa, was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests, and we all took it really hard, all of us kind of in the audience... of what happened.
Michael: Toby killed this bird and now we are going to honor it.
Michael: Grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.
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