Dwight: They don't give out black belts for things that are stupid.
Phyllis: This isn't your grandmother's Christmas. Unless of course she's from Morocco.
Phyllis: I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.
Michael: That is vodka, and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice-ka.
Jim: Would you want to do it on Groundhog Day?
Michael: No, no... I celebrate privately.
Kevin: Fire Girl!! Too soon?
Michael: I am not asking her to stop drinking. I am imploring her to quit being an alcoholic.
Michael: Have you ever, under the influence of alcohol, questioned the teachings of the Mormon church?
Dwight: In the Shrute family, we believe in a five-fingered intervention: awareness, education, control, acceptance, and punching.
Michael: What is going to happen when you come in to work and you're dead?
Darryl: Something wrong with the doll?
Toby: No, uh... it's even better than the one I wanted.
Michael: I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. I think I can do it. I did it with Jan.
Andy: Ooh - tough room.
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