Kevin: Why am I a racist?
Michael: Because you think he's black.
Michael: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice, like a white guy who went to prison for polluting a black guy's lake.
Jim: Do you speak Pig Latin?
Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day.
Kevin: Michael, why don't we get outdoors time?
Karen: You can't give paper clips to a baby. He could swallow them.
Creed: That's okay. I've got tons of 'em.
Michael: This office is the American Dream, and they would rather be in the "hole."
Jim: Can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Prison Mike: I am here to scare you straight!...I stole. And I robbed. And I kidnapped the president's son and held him for ransom... And I never got caught, neither... Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelets. Nothin'but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair... The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.
Michael: If this doesn't bother them, then I am out of ideas.
Michael: Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford to a convict to my friend back to a convict then to kind of a nuisance, actually, to be completely honest. And finally, to a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is black.
Andy: Someday we'll find it, the Ainbowray Onnectioncay,..
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