Michael: Yesterday I was scraping some gunk off my wall sockets with a metal fork, and I gave myself the nastiest shock. And when I came to, I had an epiphery.
Michael: To jump-start a car, first pop the hood. Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these, and clip them wherever.
Michael: Number 8. Learn how to take off a woman's bra.... You just twist your hand until something breaks.
Michael: This may be Phyllis's only wedding ever. It's my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins.
Michael: I had a very different understanding as to what primae noctis meant.
Michael: It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour-long shower with guys.
Pam: I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck.
Angela: Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office.
Meredith: SHUT UP, ANGELA!
Jim: Karen and I have been up talking.
Pam: You should get more sleep.
Jim: Michael referred me to a male strip club called "Banana Slings." Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania.
Ryan: Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on?
Michael: I got all the foot off of it.
Roy: I'm not really into strippers. You know what I find sexy? Pam's art.
Michael: You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent? I have a girlfriend.
Elizabeth: You want me to answer the phones with my clothes on?
Ben Franklin: You know, I invented electricity. I'm sensing a little electricity right here.
Pam: Didn't Ben Franklin have syphilis?
Michael: Stripper, could I ask you a question about women? Should I tell my girlfriend you danced up on me?
Dwight: I don't care what Jim says. That is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.
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