Celebrity Apprentice, 3/22/2009: "I can't whip her - slavery's over."

Task: Produce the most exciting product launch.
KOTU: All the remaining men, led by Brian McKnight.
Athena: All the women, led by Claudia Jordan.
Eyes and Ears: Ivanka and Donald Jr.
Outcome: KOTU gets 386 votes; Athena gets 61 votes. Yow! KOTU wins!!
Boardroom: Jordan chooses Kardashian and Melissa Rivers for the boardroom.

Fired: Jordan, for chaotic leadership and letting emotion affect her judgment. Her charity, the National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children, gets nothing from this show that I know of.

Donation: $20,000 to Youthville USA, which promotes and improves foster parenting in North Carolina.

---

The guys return to the suite, and Rodman immediately begins a "poor me" speech. He feels he must fend for himself because he is not part of either team. Black lectures them about how they all need to subordinate themselves to the boss or else they'll keep losing. Especially Rodman.

Rodman doesn't take that well and gives a coherent, yet meaningless reply about how he has his own company and he can't be in a position with money and he has to be so good at it that it's what he does and Michael Jordan thinks he's easy to work with. Did any of that make sense to you? Good. He storms out.

Roderick presents her prize check to California Police Youth Charities. He's shocked to see that it's for nearly $167,000.

Joan Rivers is again absent for the day, doing a charity event in Dallas.

The apprentices meet with Trump for their next task. They're each to prepare a product launch for a videophone at a meeting that will be attended by hundreds of sales reps. The sales reps will vote on the one they like best, based on excitement, energy, and emotional appeal.

The teams pick their project managers. Jordan volunteers for Athena and tells us later that she's a good manager. Rodman makes a dismissive gesture and turns his back while the men choose their PM; McKnight volunteers, but I'm thinking they really should have just forced it on Rodman to get rid of him. Oh well, maybe next week!

The teams must first decide who gets which time slot. Rodman sits in a corner and refuses to participate. The teams nominate Black and Duke to negotiate. Rodman gripes. Both teams want the second slot, so Duke has Black flip a coin. Rodman makes snide remarks, wanting to see how good Black is. When Black wins the coin toss (tails) and crows victoriously, this seems to anger Rodman even more. Soon he's in Black's face - well, hovering over Black's face is more like it - yelling his head off about nothing in front of everyone.

Real or staged? I don't know; I don't even care.

Athena prepares

The team decides to do a combination of live (stage) and taped material for several vignettes that demonstrate the phone. Joan will host the presentation (presuming she gets back early enough to do it). Jordan says lots of nice things to us about how great Joan is. That's curious, because she never, ever says anything positive about anything else all night.

Watkins confesses to being totally lost, not being sure which parts will be staged and which parts will be taped. A lot of people are making suggestions in question form, as if no one can tell whether a decision has been made or not.

And Joan's plane is going to be too late to make the show. Jordan thinks this means they're out of luck. Gulbis saves the day by getting a private plane.

Junior comes in to observe and/or flirt. Roderick and Watkins reenact the Rodman/Black showdown for him. He thinks they're working together well.

They go back to "brainstorming" but it still seems pretty fuzzy. When Melissa tries to clarify the concept; Jordan says "I understand you produce a lot of things" and that Melissa is getting frustrated because she can't have everything her way, but Jordan is the boss and she basically doesn't want any input from Melissa.

Jordan elaborates on her feelings towards Melissa in some remarks to us - calling her a "spoiled brat" who had to be "put in her place" and talks too much. She interprets the frustrated looks on everyone else's face as being directed at Melissa rather than at her or their lack of focus.

Melissa says Jordan is talking down to her; Jordan replies, "you think I talk down to you?" I have to say, I think I'd find Melissa a little overbearing too, but if she's the subject matter expert, why not let her do her thing? And if Jordan feels that other people talk down to her, maybe she should listen to herself sometime.

But wait! We haven't gotten to that part yet!

Jordan tells us that she doesn't like Melissa's personality, thinks she's funny-looking and scary, her forehead doesn't move, and she's only famous because of her mother. Melissa has probably heard all of this stuff before, but it is a BIG mistake for a manager to talk that way about a team member.

Someone brings a baby to do the video; he acts like a baby and cries. Jordan gets frustrated with his juvenile behavior and tells us "I've already dealt with enough babies and other words that begin with 'B' on my team."

Again, those are some charming words coming from the people you're supposed to be motivating to work hard to support your efforts. Kardashian and Duke exchange disbelieving looks as the baby screams and nothing else gets done.

Jordan, Roderick, and Watkins go someplace to edit the video while the rest of the team works on the stage show. In the car, Jordan complains about Melissa's "smart comments," makes faces and mocks her voice. She cracks herself up making fun of this woman who is trying to produce a winning show for the team. She goes on to say that Melissa doesn't blink or move her mouth.

Roderick and Watkins laugh too, and I've certainly made fun of others, but somehow this just turns my stomach. Did Melissa ever do anything to Jordan? If she's done something, that's one thing. But as far as I can tell, she just rubs Jordan the wrong way. That's Jordan's problem.

Oh. There was that one time that Melissa took credit for Jordan's idea for the Zappos mascot. Jordan never mentions that, though. She just complains that Melissa is "smart" and funny-looking. I don't think those are legitimate reasons to bad-mouth someone.

Melissa, Gulbis, Duke, and Kardashian run through the stage show. Melissa knows she'll be blamed if they lose; she's expecting to be attacked.

Joan arrives well before dawn. The rehearsal is a disaster. Duke gets nervous and feels Jordan isn't in control. Jordan blames the problems on "them" (the technical people). Kardashian has ideas, but she tells Roderick she's given up sharing them. Jordan says that Kardashian needs to be micromanaged and she doesn't have time.

At some point, Melissa takes over directing the stage show, and the rehearsal is saved. Jordan's grudging compliment is, "she loves being bossy."

KOTU prepares

In the car, James chuckles that Rodman picked on the shortest guy.

They wonder if Rodman will come back, but McKnight doesn't want to use Rodman regardless because he can't spare an additional person to babysit him. Rodman's a great basketball player, but they're not playing basketball.

James suggests that McKnight do a live show. Black chews thoughtfully while no one suggests that he participate in the concert. He drops some hints, which are ignored.

James wants to go to West Point and get some tape of a soldier's perspective on the virtues of a video phone. Black thinks it's too far. James and McKnight decide to go for it. Walker and James make the trip, during which they discuss Rodman's alcohol use and other counterproductive behavior.

Meanwhile, McKnight works on the music for the show. Black offers to help, but McKnight tells us Black's music is from "a different place" and asks him to make phone calls to obtain equipment, dancers, etc., and order pizza. (I think many of the sales reps at the product launch may also be from a "different place," and might like to hear a song from Clint Black.)

Rodman wanders in and says he's not a quitter; he wants to be a team player. Right. After walking out? This is a great time for Ivanka to show up! She's curious about the situation and thinks McKnight should use Rodman. Rodman tells her they don't want his help.

The monitor system for the stage show is more expensive than expected. Rodman offers to get them some monitors for free. Black urges McKnight to take it; McKnight refuses, not wanting the "distraction," and says Rodman's picture is in the dictionary under "drama."

Black good-naturedly tries to make up with Rodman, who excuses his own behavior as having a "bad day." Black tells us that Rodman is aloof and makes mistakes, but "can still pull a rabbit out of a hat."

As McKnight rehearses, Black finally decides to relax and enjoy his reduced responsibilities.

The Show

Trump begins the festivities, explaining to the large crowd of sales reps that they're going to vote for one team. Then Trump will "fire the ass off somebody."

Athena's show is slick, and Joan puts in a heroic effort after getting virtually no sleep, but the vignettes are shallow, cliche-ridden, and predictable. There's a large helping of extra-stinky cheese when Roderick gets a staged marriage proposal from an actor who's supposed to be her boyfriend. It's extra-cheesy because it's no secret that Roderick is married! It's not entertaining, and (as Kardashian noted during the "brainstorming") it has nothing to do with the phone. However, the audience seems to enjoy it. Some of them jump to their feet cheering. Others remain seated.

Jordan predicts that Melissa will take credit for the whole thing, even though none of the "vision" was hers.

KOTU's show is ten times slicker. Black introduces the vignette featuring the West Point cadet. Then Black introduces the McKnight concert. McKnight sings while the dancers jump around with the phones. The light show enhances rather than detracts from the show. The crowd goes wild.

Jordan gripes backstage that KOTU has a big advantage in getting to go on second. (They also have the advantage of NOT SUCKING.) Rodman gripes too. Maybe they should date. McKnight gets the crowd clapping and singing along. It does not look good for Athena. Rodman thinks McKnight is just trying to sell albums. Tell me again why Rodman hasn't been fired? Ratings, maybe? It's always convenient to keep a loose cannon around for a while to make things interesting.

Melissa gripes a bit too, says Athena's show was more "real." (Really? A fake marriage proposal is more real than a West Point cadet?)

KOTU's show concludes with a laser light show as the band leads the crowd in a cheer for their company.

The postmortem

Black and Rodman report that they've ironed out their differences. Rodman says he doesn't know why McKnight didn't want to use him. McKnight said he couldn't spare a babysitter. Black is the only one who's able to joke about the confrontation. Rodman claims not to have a hateful bone in his body.

Rodman predicts that he will be blamed if KOTU loses. Trump doesn't want to hear it. Black says it will be McKnight's fault if they lost, but he wouldn't have to blame him, because McKnight would take the blame.

Jordan says that Joan was the star of the team. Melissa feels that she was underused. Duke says the task was chaotic, which she attributes to Jordan. Jordan says she was trying to keep the "temperament" of the team good, and that Melissa was an obstacle. As she proceeds to bad-mouth Melissa, Melissa asks her mother for support. Joan jumps in and says that Jordan is the team's weakest link. She calls her a "musher" who fails to firm things up. Melissa did this, did that, etc.

Don Jr. and Ivanka read some comments from the voting audience. Some of them say that KOTU's show didn't focus enough on the phone, and there are kind words about Joan.

KOTU gets 386 votes; Athena gets 61 votes. KOTU wins!
McKnight gets $20,000 for Youthville USA, which promotes and improves foster parenting in North Carolina. The men go back to the suite. One of them meows in anticipation of the boardroom show.

Duke says she was expecting to lose, but that Joan's strong performance gave her some hope. She didn't think the staged vignettes were good.

Trump asks if Watkins should have performed, given that the guys did a concert. Jordan defends the vignettes. Melissa says she was shut out of the creative process. Kardashian sticks up for Melissa.

Trump asks Duke who the strong players on the team are. She says good things about Joan, Melissa, herself, and Natalie, and says that Jordan thinks she's a stronger player than she really is.. She says Melissa and Jordan were both obnoxious at first, but Melissa worked very hard to make the show a success.

Jordan defends the personality clash on the grounds that Melissa is loud and obnoxious. "There's only so much I can do. I can't whip her; slavery's over." And Melissa doesn't like her. (Melissa denies this.) Jordan says that Melissa is sarcastic and that Jordan kissed her ass extra. What??

Then Jordan says that she's sarcastic too. Whuh? She smugly claims not to have seen the shows Melissa has produced and says "congratulations" sarcastically when Melissa says she produced them. She says other people have had problems with Melissa. Nobody says anything.

Up in the suite, the guys wonder why Melissa wasn't the project manager. The answer: Jordan asked to be PM, immediately. I say it's just as well they got it over with this week.

Ivanka asks if Jordan thinks anyone else was at fault. Don Jr. says she's focusing on the emotional fact of not liking Melissa. He points out that the others are supporting Melissa, and Jordan was just sarcastic with her. Jordan says "I'm annoyed." Well, that's a very professional-sounding excuse.

Next, Jordan says Kardashian didn't do much. K says she tried to be helpful, but didn't know what to do in all the chaos. Her ideas were shot down. Duke says K doesn't step up, but maybe it's Jordan's fault.

Summary of blame:

• Jordan blamed by: Duke, Gulbis, Kardashian, and both Riverses, for weak leadership.


• Kardashian blamed by: Jordan , for not stepping up. (Duke slightly blames Kardashian too, but not more than she blames Jordan.)


• Melissa Rivers blamed by: Jordan, for reasons that are always expressed in very emotional and personally venemous terms.

Watkins and Roderick don't weigh in.

Jordan chooses Kardashian and Melissa Rivers for the boardroom.

In the boardroom

Don Jr. says again that Jordan is making business decisions based on emotion. The women are called back into the boardroom. Jordan says that Kardashian doesn't take initiative, and Melissa is disruptive and offensive. (Did Melissa ever make fun of Jordan's appearance or make remarks about whipping slaves?) She refers to Melissa's "antics."

Melissa says you don't have to like everyone you work with; you just have to get the job done. Kardashian agrees. Jordan claims that she was trying to stop the chaos because Kardashian looked frustrated. (Kardashian looks pretty frustrated right now.) Jordan tells a very streamlined, idealized version of the way she "handled" the conflict, in which she is very diplomatic, and Melissa is very impatient and sarcastic. She claims that people are only siding with Melissa now, for political reasons.

But she has to admit that Melissa came through, which pretty makes Melissa's presence in the boardroom a travesty. Don Jr. says again that she's making business decisions based on feelings.

Kardashian and Melissa both say they'd fire Jordan. Jordan changes her tune and says she'd fire Kardashian! Trump says he doesn't like people who don't take initiative, but Kardashian defends herself.

Trump tells Jordan she has a great future ahead of her (holding bigger briefcases? hosting slumber parties and making fun of the less popular girls?), but she's fired.

Jordan gets up and takes off without saying anything, not even the stock "thanks for the opportunity" or goodbye to her teammates.

Jordan is fired for weak leadership and letting emotion affect her judgment. Her charity, the National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children, gets nothing from this show that I know of.

In the taxi, she admits she lost control over the group.

My MVP

My MVP pick for this episode, not that it matters, :-) is Jesse James. He does awesomely well in most tasks, with no prodding, and he had the idea and the energy to go to West Point even though it seemed like it would take way too long.

I'll give an honorable mention to Clint Black because he was abused by Rodman and snubbed by McKnight, yet managed to get all of his work done and make peace with Rodman.

3/26/2009: Great Moments in "The Office"

Pam: He finally has a story we really want to hear, and he knows it.

Oscar: I love a good quitting story.

Jim: Surprisingly, there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying.

Michael: Scotch and Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch.

Michael: Is this wine? I already have wine.

Michael: I practically invented decline.

Dwight: My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious.

Michael: This is a dream that I have had since lunch.

Charles: I am aware of the effect I have on women.

Dwight: I would love to put a pin in that.

Stanley: Can't you see I'm urinating?

Michael: I had a great time at prom, and no one said yes to that either.

Toby: Michael is like a movie on a plane. It's not great, but it's something to watch. And then when it's over, you're like, how much time is left on this flight? Now what?

3/19/2009: Great Moments in "The Office"

Dwight: Mr. Peanut is not classy. He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle, and a top hat.

Michael: Surprise! As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's for Charles.

Michael: We have now arrived at Kevin, and he has no sexual history.

Michael: I thrive under a lack of accountability.

Pam: It's cupcakes and strippers, all the way down.

Charles: What is a two-way petting zoo?

Michael: If you put paper into a furnace, you know what would happen? You'd ruin it.

Jim: At first it was a made-up position for Dwight, just to make him feel better. Assistant to the Regional Manager. But then he lost that, and Michael gave it to me.

Michael: He said, "No figs." I've already bought them. And I don't have a place to store them.

Michael: I quit. You have no idea how high I can fly.

Celebrity Apprentice, 3/15/2009: Ya snooze, ya lose

I was wrong about the rest being one-hour episodes... this 10pm episode was a one-time thing, apparently. We're going back to two hours next week.

Task: Sell 125 donated wedding gowns.

KOTU: All the remaining men, led by Tom Green.

Athena: All the women, led by Brande Roderick.

Eyes and Ears: Ivanka Trump and George Ross.

Outcome: KOTU sells 21 dresses for $63,450; Athena sells 22 dresses for $103,000. Athena wins.

Boardroom: They didn't get that far.

Fired: Tom Green, for lousy leadership. His charity, the Butch Walts and Donald Skinner Urologic Cancer Research Foundation (sorry, no URL, but you may be able to reach them at 1811 San Vicente Blvd, Santa Monica CA 90402-2308), gets nothing from this show that I know of.

Donation: $167,000 to California Police Youth Charities, which keeps California kids out of trouble and provides college scholarships.

---

In the suite, Walker says Green wanted to be project manager next time. He hopes this will be a good thing, making Green show leadership.

Kardashian delivers a check for the Brent Shapiro Foundation for Drug Awareness to Robert Shapiro, whose son Brent died as a result of drug addiction.

Joan Rivers isn't there when Trump explains the task; she's off somewhere giving a lecture on survival. (Lesson #1: don't be on one of these shows!) Each team will be given 125 donated bridal gowns to sell. Whoever raises the most money wins.

Green becomes PM for KOTU by prior agreement. I'm not sure why Athena chooses Roderick - it sounds like she volunteers, but we don't hear much of that conversation. (We hear her say "I'll do it" but we don't know if someone nominated her first.)

KOTU prepares

The stores are next-door to each other. Rodman isn't thrilled with their empty-looking space. Green challenges Black to raise $100,000. He gets everybody on the phones to raise money, but doesn't seem to be making any calls himself.

The men brainstorm briefly and the trend seems to be toward a clearance blowout. James comes up with a red carpet theme for the decor.

Green puts on a gown while Walker is on the phone. At first McKnight refuses to zip him up, but finally relents. Green goes outside in the gown to attract attention. Rodman notes the lack of foot-traffic in the area and offers to go out and generate some hype. Green sends Walker out with Rodman, maybe to babysit. Rodman talks to people on the street for a while - I can't tell if he even mentions the sale - and then settles down in a bar to schmooze with the waitress and drink.

Ivanka visits KOTU and notes that the group is more harmonious than it was the previous week. She also notes that Rodman and Walker aren't there.

Rodman and Walker finally come back. It's obvious that Rodman's been drinking. He tells Green he's got a friend who owns some "clubs" and will send them some "girls." One woman shows up, who's supposed to be a "model." She says she's from Russia. "I love Russian bitches, uh, girls," Rodman replies. "I'm sorry," he giggles. (I don't hear anyone ask her name.) Rodman and Green leave early with the woman. Inside the store, the other guys hear them talk about getting a drink.

Athena prepares

The women begin their telemarketing early. Duke sells a $10,000 dress while they're still in the car.

The women are much more enthusiastic about their store space, even though it's just as stark as the men's. Melissa enlists Preston Bailey, a prominent wedding planner, to help out.

The rest stay on the phones to promote the sale. Kardashian warns her friends that KOTU's store is next door, and not to go in there. Roderick sets a $100,000 goal for the team.

KOTU sells

The next morning, James, Black, McKnight, and Walker leave bright and early. They aren't sure where Green and Rodman are. James finally gets Green on the phone and and tells him to show up with Rodman. Black thinks they partied all night with the Russian woman.

Green eventually leaves the building alone, 65 minutes later. When he gets to the store, James thinks Green is still drunk. Black cross-examines Green, who tries a little to hard to pretend not to be hung over.

James suggests having Rodman promote the sale to local bridal registries. Green says Rodman never answered his door. Rodman's guy calls and says Rodman is having trouble with his eyes and won't be in.

The men have a red carpet and some signage. That is the full extent of their decorating efforts. George Ross says the store isn't inviting, and he wonders where Rodman is.

Black expects to raise $40,000-$45,000. Walker expects to raise $30,000. The men offer champagne to the customers, and McKnight compliments the women. They direct all customers into their store.

Green is doing a hard sell on a customer who is getting really turned off when Black's people show up with $35,000 in checks. Walker's guy shows up at the last minute with some money too.

The Russian model is standing outside in a dress, not really doing anything.

Athena sells

In stark contrast to KOTU's sorry, mostly-undecorated store, Athena has balloons and flowers and cupcakes and champagne. Ross is impressed.

Roderick notices the men directing women away from the Athena store and gets nervous. Kardashian and Joan bring them back.

Duke gets her $10,000 sale. Joan Rivers gets $25,000 from one buyer alone.

The postmortem

Roderick praises her team and says Melissa and Annie were the stars. Green calls Black and Walker heroes.

Trump asks Green how he used Rodman's celebrity and Green explains that yesterday he promoted the sale by walking around. He missed the actual sale because he's allergic to cats. Green and Rodman make some vague reference to visiting former dot-com billionaires and Rodman says he was allergic to the dogs. There's some discussion as to whether the allergy is dogs or cats.

Walker talks about walking around with Rodman, who was drinking. Walker says Green is not a good leader. Ross criticizes Green's explanation about Rodman and the under-decorated store.

Ross and and Ivanka reveal the final sales figures. Athena wins, and Brande Roderick gets $167,000 for her charity California Police Youth Charities, which keeps California kids out of trouble and provides college scholarships. The women go up to the suite to watch the boardroom on closed-circuit TV. Yet again!

Green says that he started off at a a disadvantage, and he encouraged the team not to argue. Ivanka says that's bad enough, but then they lost an additional person. Green said that was disappointing, but there was a medical excuse.

McKnight says Green wasn't there this morning either. Green denies oversleeping. Walker thinks he was hung over. Green says he knocked on Rodman's door for a half hour and didn't get any answer. Rodman said that he was in his room and didn't answer because he didn't want to be bothered. He didn't want anyone to see his eyes. He takes off his sunglasses to show his eyes, but you still can't see them with his hat on. Trump says his eyes look fine.

(Up in the suite, Melissa says it wasn't a cat or a dog - it was a girl named Kitty.)

Rodman refused to see a doctor. Trump says it's disrespectful not to answer the door. Rodman says he wouldn't have opened it even for Phil Jackson or Michael Jordan. He thinks his team should support him when he's sick. Ivanka says he still needs to communicate to them when he's sick.

(Up in the suite, Duke bets $5 that Rodman will be fired. Roderick takes that bet, predicting that Green will be fired instead.)

James says he would fire both of them, because Green was late too. Green says he wasn't late, he just had something else to do.

Trump doesn't understand how you wouldn't open your door to a project manager, and Rodman can't explain. Rodman says he wants to stay, so Trump should fire Green.

At some point, I'm not sure when, Ivanka accuses them of scapegoating Rodman. Ross says Green was protective of Rodman when he asked about him that morning. Green says he just didn't want to start a fight. Rodman's people brought money to the sale. Green admits that he himself did not raise any money. "I took a non-traditional approach." (I'd say that not bringing in any money is definitely a non-traditional approach.)

Trump says Green had no control over Rodman, brought in no money, and had an ugly store. He's not a good leader. Trump considers firing both of them. Black is on board with this idea. McKnight suggests firing just Green.

Trump says Green was lousy last week too, and tells him to go. "That's fine," says Green. Rodman looks momentarily confused, not realizing the show's over. Trump tells Rodman to try harder next time. Green tries to get on the wrong elevator.

My MVP

My MVP pick for this episode, not that it matters, :-) is... you know, I'm not sure. It seems that we didn't get to see much of the women's team, but Melissa said good things about Roderick, so I'll just take her word for it.

Celebrity Apprentice, 3/8/2009: Heroes and Eeeroes

Argh! Sorry for the delay. These two-hour episodes have been kicking my ass. Again, a very long recap. Fortunately, it looks like the rest will probably be one-hour episodes.

Task: Create a comic book character to promote zappos.com.

KOTU: All the men, captained by Scott Hamilton.

Athena: All the women, captained by Khloe Kardashian.

Eyes and Ears: Don Jr., Erin Burnett

Outcome: The client prefers Athena's character, and specifically dislikes that KOTU's character is named "EEE" rather than something that begins with a Z.

Boardroom: Hamilton chooses Tom Green and Herschel Walker for the boardroom.

Fired: Hamilton, for choosing an obviously bad name for the character and discounting protests against it because he didn't like the person the protests were coming from. His charity, the Cleveland Clinic Foundation which treated his cancer, gets nothing from this show that I know of.

Charity: Kardashian gets $20,000 for the Brent Shapiro Foundation for Drug Awareness.

---

Rodman and Hamilton are welcomed back to the suite. Green tells us that his team threw Clay under the bus, and that he could be next. Joan Rivers delivers her charity's meal to a woman with breast cancer.

This week's task is to design a comic book character to promote the Zappos.com website. Clint Black nominates Scott Hamilton as project manager, because he was organized the previous week and served as a voice of reason. Melissa nominates Khloe Kardashian as project manager for the women's team because she owns a clothing store. Duke doesn't say anything now, but later she tells us she's skeptical that Kardashian's experience is a good match for the task. Kardashian admits to us that she doesn't know much about online sales.

Athena prepares

The team meets with Tony, the CEO of Zappos. He wants the campaign to emphasize customer service. The character should convey the company's brand and culture. He refuses to give any suggestions about the character's appearance.

Everybody has an idea about the character. Joan suggests some bad puns involving midgets and thinks the character's superpower should be that she doesn't sleep. Jordan is irritable about her teammates and thinks they talk too much.

At first, Kardashian lets people pick their own roles and doesn't get very involved. Duke wants to write the script with Jordan, even though Joan Rivers has extensive, award-winning writing experience. Joan is sour and tells us that Duke is an idiot.

Finally Kardashian takes control. The editor and artists arrive. Jordan says that the character should be a housewife who is frustrated with bad customer service. That's when she transforms into a superhero. Joan suggests the name "Ms. Z." Donald Trump Jr. shows up. Melissa immediately takes credit for the idea.

The focus group arrives. Kardashian asks Jordan to pitch the idea. The focus group, which appears to be comprised of comic book fans, likes it. They are dazzled by the pretty ladies and give helpful suggestions.

It's time to model the costume. The model is late, so Gulbis is asked to model the outfit. Gulbis doesn't like the outfit.

Night falls. They're preparing for the presentation. Jordan is starting to feel sick and asks to leave. They let her go back to the suite so she'll be okay for the presentation tomorrow. Duke is angry when Jordan leaves.

The next morning, Duke and Roderick are in such a hurry to pick up their materials for the presentation that Roderick actually takes off her shoes so that she can run faster to meet a deadline. (Meanwhile, Rodman is playing a video game up in the suite while Black tries to finish the writing himself.)

KOTU prepares

The team meets with Tony, the CEO. He emphasizes the company's image - casual culture and humor. Green asks weird, confusing questions about humor. (Or maybe he's just thinking out loud.)

Green says one of them should be the mascot. Rodman thinks the character should be a transvestite and has some raunchy ideas about that. Green gets into it too. The others are not amused. Hamilton doesn't think the idea is consistent with the company's image.

The team isn't ready yet when the editor and artist arrive. Green is annoyed that Black doesn't want to be interrupted. Hamilton remains silent while everyone else is talking at once. Rodman disses Hamilton.

They are barely ready for the focus group's arrival. Hamilton watches quietly as Green pitches an idea. The focus group notices that they're not prepared. Hamilton complains to us that Green is performing; well, what is Hamilton doing?

After the focus group leaves, Walker yells at Green to shut up. Green suggests a character named Señor Zappos. Black vaguely suggests an Everywoman type.

The team finally asks Hamilton for a decision. The character is a female customer with no time to shop. She goes to the website and suddenly she has clothes. James makes suggestions about her appearance.

Erin Burnett comes by and hears their ideas, such as they are. She notes that they're disorganized, but have spent time thinking.

They spend more time on names, and Hamilton gives up on Green. Hamilton names the character "EEE" for "everything, everywhere, every time." She'll have EEE across her chest. (All I can think of is Eastern equine encephalitis.) No one else loves it, but there's no time to argue. Green makes fun and says it's "chEEEse."

Rodman picks a fabric for the costume. Hamilton calls the costumer with the EEE name. There is some doubt as to whether they heard him correctly. Even the costumer finds it odd.

Night falls. Hamilton is worried about the presentation because he's not a writer and doesn't have anything. Green volunteers, since he has sold four film scripts. "No, we've heard you talk and stuff," Black replies. (Walker witnesses this.) Black, Hamilton, and Walker ignore him as he at first offers to help and then proceeds to annoy them.

Green questions the EEE name again. Hamilton walks away. He and Black and Walker agree that Green is playing a game and not working on the task. (That they shut him out of?) Green tells us that EEE is a bra size. He complains that they're too focused on their task to pay attention to him.

The next morning, Hamilton wants Black and James to help him finish preparing for the preparation. He insists that the others, particularly Green, "chill out and relax." Green again offers assistance. Hamilton tells us it's disruptive and sabotage. (Green follows Hamilton out onto the terrace while Hamilton is telling us this. Green seems only mildly mischievous to me, and at this point I think he's just teasing Hamilton because it's too so easy. Also, while you can argue that Green himself is throwing Hamilton under the bus by picking on him, I'm shocked that Hamilton is playing right into his hands.)

James offers advice about the script and Rodman also tries to participate, but Black can't tolerate other opinions and shuts them out. Rodman and James both find Black overbearing.

Rodman says the presentation should be done by someone "gifted and crafty." McKnight suggests Green for the narration. Suddenly, Hamilton loves Green... sort of. He asks if Green likes the idea enough to pull it off. Green is sour that suddenly they want him to do something. Walker doesn't want Green to do it because "he was not a part of it." What? Green protests that they wouldn't let him touch up the script. Walker calls him a liar (multiple times) and claims that they asked him to help.

Um... the liar is Walker. He was sitting right there when Black told Green not to do it. Green is offended. Rodman offers him a drink that looks like a breakfast shake. They agree to get a beer later.

The presentation

Jordan is nervous during the presentation and still sick. She's very awkward and says "democrapic" instead of "demographic." At one point, she says "women like you and me, I'm sorry, you're not a woman!" to Tony. There are more verbal fumbles and a generally weak script, but the artwork and story are strong. Gulbis looks great in the costume, but makes a negative comment about it to Trump in front of Tony.

Green does a great presentation in which an exhausted, frustrated woman becomes fabulous. The costume has a Z on it, but Green dutifully says "EEE - Everything, Everywhere, Every Time."

After the presentation, Tony privately tells Trump he liked everything about KOTU's character except for the EEE name. He's confused as to why they didn't go with Z, but he liked that they focused on the customer. He also remarks on the awkwardness of Athena's presentation but otherwise liked their work.

The postmortem

Trump asks about the friction between Green and Hamilton. Green says Hamilton couldn't keep the group under control, and Hamilton says "they" asked him to lead. (He can't remember who, specifically, and nobody admits to it. It was Black.) Hamilton insists that Green was divisive and that he tried to derail them at every step. Green says he tried not to get angry and that they didn't allow his ideas. Hamilton interrupts with guffaws. Walker tells Hamilton to let Green finish. (Walker who called Green a liar earlier? What? So he shows one face to his team and another face to Trump?)

For the second week in a row, McKnight says that there were too many chiefs. Erin Burnett agrees.

Joan says their team has a lot of chiefs too, but that Kardashian grew into her leadership role. Kardashian gets high marks from her team. Joan says Duke wouldn't let her give her ideas despite her Broadway credits and Emmys. Duke says that some of her teammates get their feelings hurt. Trump tries to smooth things over between Joan and Duke, saying that Duke will become more diplomatic and that Joan can take her to Vegas and she'll win lots of money for her.

Trump asks Melissa who came up with the idea for the character. Melissa again takes credit and says that it "sprung from my head." Kardashian gives the credit to Jordan. Jordan is gracious about it, though I'm wondering if we missed something due to editing, because Gulbis looks like she disagrees. Maybe Melissa came up with the seed of the idea that Jordan developed, and we missed it?

Trump and Jr. question why Gulbis complained about the costume in front of Tony.

There's some joking around about how Trump once unsuccessfully tried to pick up Roderick. Roderick doesn't remember it at all.

The teams look at each others' four-panel comics. The men think the women's comic is a lot like theirs. The women are grudgingly impressed with the men's and agree that there's a resemblance, except for the EEE name. Hamilton defends "EEE" as "quirky."

Tom tells Trump he thinks they lost because of the name, and says he protested against the name.

Jordan thinks their team won even though she stumbled during the presentation and was sick. She says they sent her home. Melissa says she had to go home. Roderick says Jordan didn't even want to go home. (Jordan asked to go home. I double-checked.) Duke makes a disgusted face.

Athena wins, and Kardashian gets $20,000 for the Brent Shapiro Foundation for Drug Awareness.The women go up to the suite to watch the boardroom on closed-circuit TV.

In the boardroom

Up in the suite, Jordan hopes that they win eight in a row.

In defense of Black's and Hamilton's claims that he was talking constantly, Green says he was just giving options. Hamilton says that some (meaning Green) were "playing the game" rather than working.

Trump asks if anyone spoke up against the name "EEE." Rodman and Green did. Hamilton discounted Green's opinion because Green fought him "every step of the way." Green says he wasn't fighting - he wanted them to win, and he knew "EEE" didn't make any sense.

Summary of blame:

• Black blamed by: Green and James, for being argumentative.


• Green blamed by: Black, Hamilton, and Walker, for undermining Hamilton and acting up.


• Hamilton blamed by: McKnight for the name, and Rodman for being too soft.

Up in the suite, Joan calls Black a snake. Jordan thinks there's something mean about him. They both like Green, saying that he's different but smart.

Hamilton chooses Green for the boardroom. He also chooses Walker, not because Walker did anything wrong, but because Hamilton recalls that Trump has been unimpressed in the past when someone chose only one person when they could choose two. Hamilton says Walker can be his advocate.

While they wait in the lobby, Green says it's never fun to lose and he looks forward to the discussion. Hamilton and Walker say nothing.

In the boardroom, Burnett says that Green and Hamilton need therapy to be together in the same room. Junior adds that Black needs it too, and Hamilton should have chosen him instead of Walker for the boardroom. Trump calls the apprentices back in.

Hamilton complains that Green is too wired and had to be kept away from others. Green says that's because of enthusiasm, unlike Black who just likes to argue. Green says they ganged up on him.

Walker denies that they ganged up on Green. He says that Green is talented, but questions everything. (Walker, on the other hand, never seems to question anything. I think this is unhelpful.) He proudly admits to telling Green to shut up.

Recognizing that Walker doesn't belong there, Trump sends him out. Walker goes to the suite and tells the women he thinks Hamilton will be fired.

Green tells Trump that he wants to be the next manager, and that Hamilton should have assigned roles.

Burnett asks what was the deal with picking the name "EEE" for the character. Hamilton deflects and says that Green was too disruptive. Trump says he should have brought Black back to the boardroom instead of Walker. "Tom didn't like anything but his ideas," Hamilton complains.

They all agree that Jesse James is great. Green says Hamilton didn't understand the brainstorming process. Hamilton says there was no brainstorming, just a hurricane of Green. Green tells Hamilton to keep talking. Hamilton shuts up.

Hamilton admits that it was too soon for him to be project manager. (He was nominated by Black, but didn't turn it down.) Green interrupts to say something supportive. Hamilton complains again - evidently Green annoys him so much that he can't even hear his words.

They both talk about their cancer charities and their experiences with testicular cancer, and joke a bit about how they've got just one set of testicles between them. (Please give me some credit for not describing either of these men as "testy" all night even though they were both extremely testy.) Hamilton doesn't want to talk about that now and think he's better for the team than Green is.

Burnett says that the client's issue with their presentation was the name "EEE." Junior agrees. Hamilton says that people shouldn't be finished off by one mistake. Trump says it was a big mistake. (I agree, since Hamilton was stubborn with Green about the name for purely emotional reasons.) Hamilton is fired. Trump warns Green that he has a lot to live up to next week.

Hamilton asks Green to tell the guys that he's sorry he let them down. Green says he didn't let them down, and it was "one of those things." In the taxi, Hamilton says he's "bitterly disappointed."

Next episode - a one-hour show beginning at 10 pm ET. They're going to sell wedding dresses, and George comes back!

My MVP

My MVP pick for this episode, not that it matters, :-) is Claudia Jordan. Why? Because when Melissa Rivers told Don Jr. that she came up with the idea that was really Jordan's, she didn't put up a fuss. She knew this wasn't the time to make a scene. Besides, she had witnesses... lots of 'em!

3/5/2009: Great Moments in "The Office"

Pam: I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone... (sigh) vending machine.

Michael: That was funny! let's go do it to someone else.

Michael: These people need to be protected from having love shoved in their faces.

Dwight: It's so sexy it becomes hostile.

Dwight: I've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.

Michael: I feel like a human juice box. Hawaiian Blood Punch. Type O-cean Spray.

Jim: I have a lot of work to do this afternoon. Those mines aren't going to sweep themselves.

Meredith (tearing wings off paper Cupid decoration): Now it's just a stupid baby.

Angela: What did you do? Not that I approve of any of it.

Michael: There has to be a way to get all these lonely people together.
Dwight: A net. A giant net.

Dwight: Lonely people mixing with one another? Breeding? Creating an even lonelier generation?

Michael: They're going to say, "I'm in love! I was hit by Cupid's sparrow!" Funny little bird, but he gets the job done.

Michael: Eric, you mentioned before that you are in tool and die repair. Meredith recently had a total hysterectomy, so that's sort of a repair.

Michael: We were lying there next to each other. I think our blood bags touched.
Kelly: Aww!

Michael: Sometimes it's not whether Cinderella gets her slipper back, but it's about the fact that the prince even picked up the slipper at all.

3/12/2009: Great Moments in "The Office"

(No, I haven't done the 3/5 episode yet)

Michael: NASA took five or six golden-ticket ideas to get men on the moon.

Kevin: I'm a textbook over-thinker.

Pam: Do guys actually do that?
Jim: Guys with girlfriends don't.

Michael: I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest... what is a pallet?

Michael: It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.

Michael: I think we might have hired an outside marketing consultant.

Michael: Why do you have a diary?
Dwight: To keep secrets from my computer.

Michael: I have a lot of toilet ideas.

Michael: I do want the credit without any of the blame.

Celebrity Apprentice, 3/1/2009: Pin the Blame on the Celebrity

I promise that most of these recaps aren't going to be nearly this long, but with sixteen new people, there was a lot to report!

Task: Design and sell cupcakes out of a truck that's custom-decorated by the team.

Men's Team (henceforth "KOTU"): Herschel Walker (captain), Clint Black, Andrew "Dice" Clay, Tom Green, Scott Hamilton, Jesse James, Brian McKnight, Dennis Rodman

Women's Team (henceforth "Athena"): Joan Rivers (captain), Annie Duke, Natalie Gulbis, Claudia Jordan, Khloe Kardashian, Melissa Rivers, Brande Roderick, Tionne Watkins

Eyes and Ears: Don Jr., Ivanka

Outcome: KOTU raises $49,449; Athena raises $61,257 plus another $15,000 for having the better-tasting cupcake. Athena wins.

Boardroom: Walker chooses Clay and Rodman for the boardroom.

Fired: Clay, for not fighting as hard as the other guys did, either during the event or during the boardroom. His charity, StandUp For Kids, gets nothing that I know of.

Charity: $126K to NY-based charity God's Love We Deliver, which provides meals and nutritional counseling to housebound people who are ill.

---

We begin Season 2 with yet another boys vs. girls competition. You know it will just be a matter of time before Trump starts complaining that the women are relying too much on their sex appeal...

Melissa Rivers asks the women's team if anyone wants to be the project manager. Joan Rivers volunteers, everyone agrees, and it's a done deal. They decide to get the naming out of the way. Annie Duke suggests "Athena," for the goddess of war. They reject "Phoenix," "Winners," and "Ballbusters."

Andrew Dice Clay kicks off the men's meeting with a complaint about the lack of refreshments. Scott Hamilton seems to take control of the meeting at first, encouraging them to come up with a name, but declares himself only the secretary.

They discuss possible names; they soon settle on Clay's suggestion of "KOTU" (Kings Of The Universe), which will turn out to be Clay's only useful contribution to the team all night. The team rejects such gems as "VIP Enterprises," "Triumph," "Team FUBAR," and "Money-Getters." Tom Green doesn't love the selected name, but realizes that they won't agree on everything, and that they need to focus on winning.

Herschel Walker says they need to pick a manager. Hamilton says Walker should be the manager. Most of the team agrees. Dennis Rodman grumbles about this later, saying they never voted on it. However, it looks like he never voiced any objection when it happened - he lifted his hand maybe two inches off of his knee in protest, but it was under the table, so nobody even saw. (Walker says he has some kind of "food business," so evidently he's qualified.)

They reconvene with Trump, who gives them their assignment. Clay actually complains to Trump that there weren't any bagels during their meeting.

The men prepare

The teams must decide where they will sell their wares. Jesse James thinks that Clay will be the biggest draw, and he suggests going where they're most likely to encounter his fans - Times Square - and Clay can act as a carnival barker (so James says) to attract people. Clint Black worries that the women's team might pick the same spot, but McKnight thinks they have more star power.

Jesse James volunteers to design the signage for the truck. We soon learn that the guy is design-crazy! Clay admires him behind his back, saying that he hadn't thought he'd be so useful. Ironic words, coming from Clay... but I don't want to get ahead of myself.

On their way to the Institute of Culinary Education, Green encourages his teammates to start calling rich friends. Maybe Walker does too; if so, we don't see it.

On the chefs' advice, Walker decides to keep the cupcakes simple - just two recipes. Hamilton suggests yellow and chocolates. Everyone puts on the apron and hat, except Clay, who refuses to wear the hat. "I don't wanna look stupid," he explains, "I'm from Brooklyn." Uh-huh. Well, thanks for clearing that up. Clearly he doesn't mind acting stupid, as long as he's not wearing a hat while he's doing it.

James takes photos of everyone and takes McKnight with him to take care of the truck design. James is a Photoshop maniac! He comes up with a design he calls "Celebrity Cupcakestar Galactica." McKnight tells us he wants to lay low and do as he's told, so he won't be blamed for anything. (I guess he doesn't watch the show. Trump notices when people hold back and wait to be told what to do.)

Clay sips from his water bottle and chats on the phone while the other guys chop chocolate, weigh and measure ingredients, sift flour, and crack eggs. The other guys tell us that they really could use his help. Instead, Clay arranges to do a couple of shows at Sirius radio to promote the cupcake sale. Sirius is subscription-only, not a regular local broadcast station, so not everyone's going to hear him, and most of the people who do hear him won't be anywhere near NY, but oh well. He then graciously asks Walker for permission after committing to Sirius. Green strongly encourages him to stick around and help with the baking. Walker and the others don't try to talk Clay out of it, since he's not helping here anyway.

Green suspects that they're throwing Clay under the bus and worries that he can't trust them; I say Clay's throwing himself under the bus. He's done a great job of making himself the center of attention, so why not quit now? Too bad for his charity, I guess. StandUp for Kids seems like a worthy group. Hopefully he'll make a private donation.

He takes Dennis Rodman with him, I don't know why, and brags that with the radio publicity, they might attract too many people. Rodman takes Clay to task for his non-participation in the baking.

The cupcakes are done! Somehow, someone neglected to add sugar. Black tells us it's Walker's fault for not doing a good job managing. Are the cupcakes ruined? Maybe not. One of the chefs has them mix up a sugar syrup to brush over the top of each cake. Green is way too excited about how the syrup disappears into the cupcakes. They still taste a little like ass, we are told, but they're much more edible.

The women prepare

The women discuss possible locations. Joan's first choice is a spot near Macy's and Penn Station that Annie Duke remembers to have been a bad location on last year's show - lots of foot traffic, but people were in a hurry and didn't have money to burn.

It's true that Trump chastised Emresario last year, and Duke has clearly done her homework, but Joan shuts her down. Anyway, it turns out that the location Joan has in mind is across the street from the disastrous one; if you've been to Manhattan, you know that sometimes one side of the street is a whole different world from the other side of the street.

The concern is moot anyway when Brande Roderick mentions that the Playboy headquarters is near that spot. Hef's got big bucks - last year, the first to be fired was the Bunny who had failed to ask him for money! (With their hot dog cart right near the Playboy headquarters, apparently?? They didn't mention that last year!)

Duke asks how much money they think they need to win. The consensus seems to be around $30K. Duke brags that she can raise that much money single-handedly and challenges them to bring in a mere $5K apiece if she can raise $15K.

Earlier, Duke told us that making people feel good is a waste of time. Apparently, however, she has no reservations about alienating people whose loyalty she'll need when she's project manager...

Like the men, they rapidly settle on two kinds of cupcakes - vanilla and chocolate. I notice Gulbis isn't wearing a hat, but at least she's working. Four of them work as a team to bake the cupcakes, while Joan, Melissa, Roderick, and Jordan take care of the truck design.

Joan wants a bubble machine for the truck and matching aprons for everyone. She also thinks it's necessary to make the sign as tacky as possible to attract Jewish people. (Don't blame me! I didn't say it!) Melissa wants to add a LOT of verbiage to the sign. Roderick confides to us that it seems like Melissa's calling all the shots, rather than Joan. Jordan and Roderick make faces as Melissa tells the graphic artist what to do.

Back in the kitchen, Duke takes personal credit for the perfect vanilla cupcakes. The chocolate cupcakes fail to rise; Gulbis, who was in charge of the ingredients, worries that she made a mistake. Duke seems quite eager to blame her and starts another batch of vanilla cupcakes. She even calls the truck design team to come back and help out. When they arrive, Gulbis looks on with loathing as Duke makes extra-sure to let them know that she made the vanilla cupcakes that didn't sink.

The chocolate cupcakes aren't a total loss. Jordan suggests that they fill them in with frosting. The chef recommends chocolate ganache. Jordan bristles when Duke tells her how to spread frosting. Duke is very bossy, nervously trying to take control of a situation that's not out of control. (I sense an anxiety problem; I can relate, but one of the important challenges of anxiety is to avoid harassing others just to settle your nerves.) Some of the women bristle at her attitude; Joan compares her to Mussolini, keeping the trains running on time but making everyone miserable.

The men sell

The men's truck has a colorful, splashy display that you can see from blocks away. They set a minimum price of $20 and proceed to sell.

Clay does act as a carnival barker to attract customers for a while, but either eventually loses interest or is taking a lot of breaks. Tom Green seems to do most of the barking. He tells us that Walker isn't leading.

Their customers include Tony Hawk, Doug Wilson, and Donny Deutsch. The Naked Cowboy draws a crowd by playing guitar on the roof of the truck.

Rodman hides in the truck during the sale. When some fans ask to see him and Clay, Clay comes out, but Rodman stays in, playing with his phone. Walker does nothing.

Green goes into the truck to coax Rodman out. Rodman tells us that if he goes out on the street, he'll be a distraction and people won't buy the cupcakes. Instead, he lets people take a picture with him (in the truck) after they buy a cupcake. When Ivanka comes by to check out the sale, she's surprised to find Rodman taking it easy.

As the end of the sale approaches, the guys have to mark the cupcakes down in order to move them.

The women sell

The women's truck is really fun and cute as anything when you see it up close, but it's hard to make out the signage from a distance. Melissa admits to some truck envy when she sees the men's truck.

The team emphasizes gifts to charity over cupcake sales. I don't know whose idea that was, but it was a good one. Their customers include Playboy bunnies sent by Hugh Hefner, Eric Benét, some people from the Today show, and several of Duke's deep-pocketed poker pals. Duke says that poker players are some of the most generous people you'll ever meet; they certainly came through for her.

Junior comes by to check on the sale. For some reason, Melissa (rather than Joan) talks to him. She interrupts him in mid-sentence to call possible customers over.

As the end of the sale approaches, Duke tries to refuse some sales so that she can reserve cupcakes for big spenders. She gives Roderick some grief for trying to sell cupcakes to big donors and tattles to Joan, who tells her to calm down. The donors pay $9,000 for the rest of the cupcakes. Duke is upset that they're out of cupcakes 15 minutes early.

The cupcake taste-off

At some point during the sale, Trump has each project manager send someone to the Crumbs bakery with a cupcake for a judge there to sample. Crumbs will donate $15,000 to the team that has the better cupcake.

Walker sends Clay, who hasn't been doing much for the sale anyway. He selects a classic yellow cupcake with Walker's blessing. Joan sends Melissa, who chooses one of the sunken chocolate ones filled with ganache.

With a neutral face, the taster from Crumbs tries Athena's so-called chocolate bomb. After tasting KOTU's ass-flavored, sugar-syrup-fortified cupcake, she twitches her eyebrows and chews for a very long time. Clay thinks this is a good sign.

When Melissa gets back, she's told that the chef at the Institute had liked the vanilla cupcakes with chocolate chips best (Melissa hadn't been in the kitchen at the time). Some of her teammates, especially Duke (who was so proud of her perfect vanilla cupcakes), are upset that Melissa brought the "ruined" cupcakes even though they tasted perfectly okay.

The postmortem

The teams meet with Trump for the outcome. Joan Rivers praises her team. Duke makes a sour face when Joan names Roderick as the star for bringing in so much money and having a good attitude.

Jordan tells Trump that Duke was the weakest team member because of her personality. Duke defends herself, saying that she was simply taking control and that Joan gave her permission to do so.

Walker declines to identify the weak link in his team; Clay speaks up and says he doesn't "believe in baking." (What the hell does that mean? It's like saying that he can't wear a hat because he's from Brooklyn.) He made himself the "court jester" because "I had to almost invent a job for myself." He does some unnecessary, outdated impressions of John Travolta and Sylvester Stallone to show off his great morale-boosting powers.

Trump asks Walker if he used Rodman to attract people. Walker admits that he couldn't get Rodman to work.

The women easily won the taste test; the judge thought the men's cupcake was "disgusting." That's another $15,ooo to the women's total, which (without the bonus) is already $61,257. We find out that the men raised $49,449.

Athena wins, and Joan Rivers gets $126,000 for her charity God's Love We Deliver, which provides meals and nutrition counseling to housebound people in New York. The women go up to the suite to drink champagne and watch the boardroom on closed-circuit TV.

In the boardroom

Green brags that he raised the most money - $16,000. Walker says he raised even more. This means that the ten other men together raised less than $18,000. You'd think Rodman alone could raise more than that. James says his friends don't have money, but he would have done a better job than Walker did of keeping Rodman on the street.

McKnight tells Trump that none of them are used to being subordinate. Good point, except that some of them didn't take an responsibility for their own participation, either. James says that their cupcakes sucked, too. Hamilton won't blame anyone for the cupcakes, and Clay says it wasn't his fault because he didn't do any of the cooking, but he did have the brilliant idea to make a yellow cupcake (I think it was Hamilton's), and besides he sells lots of tickets at his shows. Also, he promoted the sale on the radio.

Never mind that none of these things brought in nearly as much as Green and Walker did personally.

When James blames Rodman for the poor sales, Rodman gives his line about being afraid his great popularity would deflect crowds away from the cupcakes. He blames Walker for not "delegating" a specific role to him at any time. Clay agrees that it was every man for himself in the kitchen. McKnight disagrees and says each man took a role.

(Up in the suite, Jordan asks her teammates if they could still be friends after a boardroom meeting like that. Some of them think so.)

Summary of blame:

• Clay blamed by: Black, Hamilton, McKnight for non-participation.
• Hamilton blamed by: Clay. (If Clay is joking, it's the only funny thing Clay's said all night!)
• Rodman blamed by: James (twice), Hamilton, Walker for non-participation.
• Walker blamed by: Clay, Green, Rodman for weak management.

Clay takes responsibility for his actions and says he's willing to leave if people think he's not doing what he's supposed to do. Then he backpedals when Trump gives him a hard time about it.

In his own defense, Walker says he's not a babysitter.

Not surprisingly, Walker chooses Clay and Rodman for the boardroom. Rodman says he's always the victim. Trump tells him to knock it off.

The Trumps have a very noncommittal conversation in the boardroom. Junior reminds us that Walker raised the most money.

In the lobby, Walker sits quietly; Rodman says they'll all live no matter what happens; Clay paces nervously and says goofy things. The Trumps call the men back in.

Yawning, Rodman again blames Walker for not having had a game plan. He says that Walker never personally told him to get out of the truck. Walker says that he did. (We didn't see that he did, but maybe the camera didn't get it.) Clay says that he had to figure out his own job, and that he did bring people to the truck (it is true), but Walker says Clay was in the truck when the call came to take a cupcake to Crumbs (also true), contrary to Clay's claim that he was on the corner with Green (not true, if the footage we saw is accurate). Clay says he doesn't "go for that kind of stuff," whatever that means.

Walker says Clay just didn't want to work. Walker calls Clay a has-been. Clay asks when's the last time Walker played ball. Clay won't admit that he wanted to quit, and says he was just going to "take it for everybody else" to show his kids what their dad is capable of. However, Ivanka says that at that moment, it hadn't seemed like he was trying to be a martyr.

Trump fires Clay, saying that he didn't show as much fight as Walker and Rodman. However, he refuses to call him a quitter.

My MVP

My MVP pick for this episode, not that it matters, :-) is Tom Green. He has a reputation for acting crazy, but he was quite focused on this task. He took it very seriously, kept a positive attitude, didn't make problems for Walker, and also didn't wait to be told to act when he saw things that needed to be done.