So much for getting this done in time for the finale. Sorry about that. This recap will focus on the firings and not the Snapple task. Needless to say, the recap of the final task will be a few more days.
The episode starts with a boardroom meeting in which the contestants must explain why they shouldn't be fired.
Peete says Kanellis is the weakest, and that she sometimes puts people down just for the heck of it. (Um, Peete? Do you remember all the times you dissed Lauper?)
Osbourne says Kanellis is the weakest and Peete is the strongest, and she's not sure she even has the right to compete with Peete.
Stone also says Kanellis is the weakest.
Kanellis claims that Stone is arrogant because he stank up their bathroom. (Sorry, Kanellis - if people could be fired for pooping, we'd all be out of a job. I'm sure your shit doesn't smell like daisies either.) This grosses Trump out, and he fires Kanellis on the spot. I am pleased, thinking that I won't have to see her again, but my joy is short-lived.
The remaining three are sent in for interviews with reigning Celebrity Apprentice Joan Rivers and First Apprentice Bill Rancic.
Before the interview, Rivers says Stone has been riding on his good looks. Stone claims, as he has often done, that he's a "natural leader." Rancic contests this - Stone only ever stepped up to be Project Manager once. Rivers asks Stone why he deferred to Michaels so often. Stone claims he wasn't deferring to him, but merely harnessing his creativity. Hmmm... Rivers and Rancic both conclude that Stone is limited.
Rancic predicts that Osbourne is out of gas. Osbourne says that cancer was harder than The Apprentice, yet she survived. She's fought for everything. Rivers asks, what if it's you vs. Peete? Osbourne sobs, "Nobody gives a shit about anybody's colon because it's up your ass and nobody cares, and it's not sexy." She regrets not having done enough for her charity.
Michaels says, "don't mistake my kindness for weakness." Later, Rivers says she didn't see any fire in him. Rancic disagrees.
Pre-interview, Rivers says that Peete fights harder; she can't just walk out of there, because when she goes home, her fight (against autism) will still be with her. Rancic asks Peete about losing twice; Peete reminds him that she also stepped up the most often. She tells Rivers that she's more resilient than she thought. As for the way she treated Kanellis, Leifer, and Lauper, "it's all business." (Rivers is in no position to criticize.)
They all go back to the boardroom for reckoning. Osbourne says she needs "really badly" to be in the finale. Michaels reminds them how awesome he is. Peete speaks of her passion and drive and ambition and consistency. (Consistency? Setting an all-time record in between losing twice?) Stone says he's the best leader (yawn) and not a one-trick pony.
But Stone is fired, because both Rancic and Rivers agreed he wasn't finale material. I wouldn't have hated it if he'd made it to the finale, mainly because I think he's capable of more than he ever attempted on this show when he had the option to hide behind others, and I'd like to see that for myself. But week after week, Stone hid behind his other teammates - especially Michaels - and let them take the lead and/or blame on tough decisions. He was very lucky never to have had to answer for a decision.
In a final round of pleas, Peete says to fire Michaels because Osbourne's passion has finally come out. And Michaels says to fire Peete.
Keep in mind that they don't know yet what the final task will be, and the past finales have been fund-raisers, though we saw last year that raising the most money doesn't guarantee a win. There is a lot of tension as each player surely must be silently weighing the fund-raising potential of the others: Peete's incredible, but her donors may be tapped out after that gigantic competition at the gym; Michaels had little opportunity to make calls during the last task and might have some gigantic bucks up his sleeve; and Osbourne may have reserved her deepest-pocketed friends for the finale.
Osbourne begins to cry again, saying she doesn't want to be a loser. She doesn't know who deserves more to be fired, but adds, "I died and came back. I'm strong enough."
And then, despite my numerous (and mostly offline) claims that Osbourne would "definitely" make it to the finale and probably win because she's a friend of NBC, just like Joan Rivers and Piers Morgan, she is fired. She makes a very tearful exit.
Michaels and Peete leave the boardroom on a much friendlier note than Rivers and Duke did last year. No Hitler talk!
Remarks:
I never had any interest in Bret Michaels before this show; I wasn't a fan of hair bands in the 80s, and what little I knew about Michaels was based on SNL's parody of Rock of Love. However, I've been impressed with him ever since week 1. Except for a little bit of drama queening, especially early on, he's been the ultimate team player: he gives 100% to every task, whether the project manager deserves it or not (except that time when Sinbad was PM and Michaels had no idea what to do). He never hid behind other people or delegated important tasks, and he didn't slack off after his big win the first week, as so many other celebrities have done on this show. Even when he wasn't PM, his teammates often looked to him for guidance. (One wonders how things would have turned out if Michael Johnson, who did not seem to trust Michaels as much, hadn't dropped out.) Michaels is actually the best Apprentice, celebrity or non-celebrity, winner or not, that we've seen in many years.
Given recent developments, it won't surprise me if Michaels wins no matter what the outcome of the Snapple task; but I'm hoping that Trop-A-Rocka ends up being a big hit so it won't be an issue.
Epilogue: Please note, I wrote the above "ode to Bret" before I knew the outcome of the Snapple task and finale! The Snapple execs declared the contest a draw (not sure if that was six months ago when they originally taped the show, or more recently), leaving it up to Trump to declare a winner. Trump didn't give a solid reason for choosing Michaels, but at least he didn't spew a bunch of bullshit like last year when he said that Joan Rivers, who compared Annie Duke to Hitler, was a great role model. On the other hand, Michaels isn't such a bad role model, as Apprentices go, so I would have bought that!
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