Celebrity Apprentice, 5/23/2010 (#11): Final Task

I had hoped to get a taste of the two new tea flavors before writing the recap, but I couldn't find any. The Snapple website says that Shaw's has it in Massachusetts, but I didn't see any in the store I went to - nor even an empty spot for it on the shelf where it would have been. It was a big shelf, too, filled to capacity (having just been restocked) with regular, peach, and raspberry tea. No Compassion Berry, and no Trop-A-Rocka.

Team Bret: Summer Sanders, Darryl Strawberry

Team Holly: Maria Kanellis, Curtis Stone

Ears/Eyes: Junior & Ivanka Trump

Task: Create a new Snapple flavor and design the label; create a 30-second TV ad for it and a three-page print ad. Judging will include originality, creativity, branding, and charity integration. Winner's charity will receive $250,000.

Last week:

Michaels is happy to get Summer Sanders and Darryl Strawberry on his team. Strawberry tells us he wants to redeem himself.

Peete tells us she's hoping to get Sanders; she's visibly disappointed to get Stone and Kanellis instead, but tells us she'll take whatever help she can get. Kanellis is eager to talk about the TV and print ads right away, and persists in making suggestions even after Peete tells her that they really need to focus on their new tea flavor for now. They'll develop their creative concept based on the outcome of their taste-test at the mall.

As a diabetic, Michaels wants to do a diet tea. He wants to use cinnamon and passion fruit, both of which are good for regulating blood sugar levels.

Stone is helpful to Peete in the flavor selection, advising against using "winter flavors" (like cinnamon?) for a product that will be sold in the summer. Her first choice is passion fruit and strawberry - "Compassion Berry." I think coconut is also mentioned, though it doesn't make it into the final product.

So they both like passion fruit. Cool! Did I mention that they can't use the same flavors, and will have to negotiate with each other for the flavors they want? Peete sends Stone to the negotiation, since he knows more about Michaels than she does. To us, Sanders voices doubts about Michaels being able to get what he wants.

Michaels opens the negotiation by telling Stone all of his ideas - first and second choices, and all of the combinations he's considering. (What is he thinking?) Needless to say, he doesn't get any passion fruit. Not wanting to waste a lot of time on the negotiation when there's so much else to do, he quickly caves. Fortunately, Stone doesn't cripple his backup plans too, so Michaels ends up with a lot of alternates that he's happy with. Meanwhile, Peete has exactly what she wants.

Michaels comes up with two flavor combos - Pear-Plum-Nutty (nutmeg - winter flavors!), and Trop-A-Rocka which turns out to be pear-mango-peach-vanilla-cinnamon.

They take their teas to the mall for taste testing. Apparently, Peete's team has something with basil in it that seems to test well, but I don't think basil made it into the final product. Kanellis gripes, saying they should have more flavors, but it seems Compassion Berry is a hit.

Junior is skeptical of Pear-Plum-Nutty, and it doesn't test well. One tester says it "tastes like Grandpa." Kanellis sneaks a taste and tells us it "tastes like Christmas." She then goes off on a bizarre tangent about Michaels' taste in women. Classy. (Heh, this sounds like sour grapes. Did he turn her down?)

When Strawberry comes back from the mall with the results, Michaels and Sanders are both surprised that Trop-A-Rocka did better than the Pear-Plum-Nutty. (I'm not.) Michaels had already begun his advertising based on Pear-Plum-Nutty, so this is inconvenient. He's also torn between doing a funny ad, which he thinks will be important, and a sincere ad, because he takes his charity seriously - so he decides to do both! Sanders frets.

After auditioning some actors for the ad, Peete can't bear to be the bad guy, so she has Stone fire the ones she doesn't want. (Aw, Peete! Just pretend they're all Cyndi Lauper.) He also dresses the set gorgeously. Dude knows how to decorate with food! Peete designs the label for the tea, incorporating puzzle piece shapes that symbolize the fight against autism. Her plan is to do a funny ad for TV, and a more serious one for print.

Meanwhile, Michaels gets distracted by the pretty actresses who show up to work on his ad. While Peete is almost finished with her shooting, Michaels has barely started, because he's hung up on getting a dolly track. He feels that a dolly zoom is the only possible way to make his ad work.

This week:

Michaels gets really frustrated when he can't get a dolly track on short notice, but after getting all wound up about that, he ends up rigging a perfectly good substitute with a cart. Ivanka questions whether it's a good idea for him to do two ads. (I think we only ever see one ad, so I'm not sure how or if that worked out. Maybe I missed something.) Then he goes to the studio to edit the ads and realizes he left his voiceover script behind, so he wings it.

Sanders doesn't really get the humor in the "funny" ad, and assuming that that's the ad we end up seeing, I'm not sure I get it either. I think it's funny only in that it's sort of weird.

Meanwhile, Peete works on tomorrow's presentation, while Stone does the print ad and Kanellis edits the TV ad. Ivanka thinks Peete's ad plays it too safe. Peete is miffed when Stone has to leave for a while to attend a friend's wedding.

Michaels' whole team wears hats like his to the Snapple presentation. Michaels is nervous and awkward. He emphasizes the tropical ingredients. (I'm still trying to figure out what's tropical about vanilla, cinnamon, peaches, and pears. Mangoes, yes. And maybe cinnamon? But not the rest!)

Peete's presentation goes more smoothly, and I think the ad is cute. Not any more "safe" than any other Snapple ad, I don't think.

But Trump asks the crowd which ad they liked better, and the applause in favor of Michaels' is much louder. (But Michaels is also more popular, so what does the applause really prove?)

Judgment: The Snapple execs think Michaels is "Snapply" and say that a diet tea has greater potential than regular as a growth market. They like his TV ad better than Peete's, and they prefer his personality too, though Trump says he likes Peete's personality better. They think Peete's label is better than Michaels', though. As for the print ad, it's a tossup. One of them has a better cover, while the other has better inside copy. So... it's a draw, according to Snapple. Fortunately, they offer a matching donation, so that the non-winner can end up with equal winnings!

In the boardroom, Trump, Junior, and Ivanka all say that a diet drink puts Michaels at a disadvantage in terms of sales potential. They find it odd that Peete didn't use Kanellis in their ads. (I don't, but I'll refrain from making more catty remarks.) Having a chef on Peete's side was an advantage. But her materials included less personal and charity branding than Michaels'.

Trump agrees that Darryl Strawberry redeemed himself in this task, and makes a $25,000 personal donation to the Darryl Strawberry Foundation, which promotes global awareness for autism and other developmental disorders.

Trump asks Sanders if she wants Peete to win. Sanders has a hard time answering the question honestly. They discuss this much longer than necessary, since the conflict is obvious and irrelevant.

At the live show, Joan Rivers says that Michaels should win because he cheated death. Bill Rancic says Peete should win because of her incredible fund-raising skills. Rob Blagojevich agrees with Rancic. Peete says even her own kid likes Michaels, and she and Michaels have bonded since the taping. Michaels says he'll accept the sympathy vote since he's competing against Peete's hotness. (It is a nice dress!)

They talk about their charities. Peete says she should win because autism is such a big cause. She claims that she's not as mean as she seemed. Also, her mother had breast cancer during the taping, but Peete still showed up for every task.

Michaels says he won every task on which he was Project Manager, and stepped up for the very first task even though he was sleep-deprived. He never slit any throats. The only reason he was late for that first task was because he puts his all into everything he does (i.e. the show he did the night before the first task).

After giving kudos to both players and offering no further explanation or elaboration, Trump declares Michaels the winner.

Misc. live stuff:

• All the celebrities are there except Sharon Osbourne and Bill Goldberg.
  
  
• Trump asks what people think of Rod Blagojevich; Michael Johnson says he's guilty.
  
  
• Cyndi Lauper sings a song and dances on the boardroom table.
  
  
• Kanellis's Make-A-Wish kid meets Trump.
  
  
• Strawberry says this experience inspired him to open a restaurant.
  
  
• Lauper says her charity - Stonewall Community Foundation for True Colors, which promotes equality for the lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender community - got an additional $25,000 donation from the CD sales after her task.
  
  
• Sanders says her charity - Right to Play, which uses sport and play to improve the lives of disadvantaged children in developing and war-torn countries - got an additional $25,000 donation from Norton/Lifelock sales after her task.
  
  
• Kanellis regrets telling her poop story at her last boardroom.

Fired: Peete, for reasons not explicitly stated.

Donation: $250,000 to Bret Michaels, the winner, for his charity,
American Diabetes Association camps for kids with diabetes. He already has $140,000 from two previous tasks, both of which he won.

Snapple makes a matching donation for the non-winner, Holly Robinson Peete's charity, the HollyRod Foundation helping families of children with autism get affordable treatment. She already has $347,893 from one previous task and a free-throw by Kanellis.

Remarks:

• I kept thinking, instead of calling it Trop-A-Rocka, why not call it Poison Tea? But that's probably too edgy for the broader consumer market and wouldn't be a good match with Snapple's focus on wholesome ingredients. (Then again, can you picture the ad? It would be too hilarious! People would be limp with laughter!) But Perhaps he can't use his band's name when doing non-band projects.
  
  
• There's a pointless but hilarious scene where Stone calls the same prop shop he'd used in an earlier task, and it's clear that the lady there is totally in love with him!
  
  
• Trump says there will be a regular Apprentice in the fall, and a Celebrity Apprentice in the spring. I would love to recap these as long as they don't devolve into the kind of bitchery we saw last year, but it's clear that I can't keep up the recapping any more - even doing just the quotes from The Office seems to be more than I can handle these days.
  

Celebrity Apprentice, 5/16/2010 (#10): Bye-Bye-Bye: The Firings

So much for getting this done in time for the finale. Sorry about that. This recap will focus on the firings and not the Snapple task. Needless to say, the recap of the final task will be a few more days.

The episode starts with a boardroom meeting in which the contestants must explain why they shouldn't be fired.

Peete says Kanellis is the weakest, and that she sometimes puts people down just for the heck of it. (Um, Peete? Do you remember all the times you dissed Lauper?)

Osbourne says Kanellis is the weakest and Peete is the strongest, and she's not sure she even has the right to compete with Peete.

Stone also says Kanellis is the weakest.

Kanellis claims that Stone is arrogant because he stank up their bathroom. (Sorry, Kanellis - if people could be fired for pooping, we'd all be out of a job. I'm sure your shit doesn't smell like daisies either.) This grosses Trump out, and he fires Kanellis on the spot. I am pleased, thinking that I won't have to see her again, but my joy is short-lived.

The remaining three are sent in for interviews with reigning Celebrity Apprentice Joan Rivers and First Apprentice Bill Rancic.

Before the interview, Rivers says Stone has been riding on his good looks. Stone claims, as he has often done, that he's a "natural leader." Rancic contests this - Stone only ever stepped up to be Project Manager once. Rivers asks Stone why he deferred to Michaels so often. Stone claims he wasn't deferring to him, but merely harnessing his creativity. Hmmm... Rivers and Rancic both conclude that Stone is limited.

Rancic predicts that Osbourne is out of gas. Osbourne says that cancer was harder than The Apprentice, yet she survived. She's fought for everything. Rivers asks, what if it's you vs. Peete? Osbourne sobs, "Nobody gives a shit about anybody's colon because it's up your ass and nobody cares, and it's not sexy." She regrets not having done enough for her charity.

Michaels says, "don't mistake my kindness for weakness." Later, Rivers says she didn't see any fire in him. Rancic disagrees.

Pre-interview, Rivers says that Peete fights harder; she can't just walk out of there, because when she goes home, her fight (against autism) will still be with her. Rancic asks Peete about losing twice; Peete reminds him that she also stepped up the most often. She tells Rivers that she's more resilient than she thought. As for the way she treated Kanellis, Leifer, and Lauper, "it's all business." (Rivers is in no position to criticize.)

They all go back to the boardroom for reckoning. Osbourne says she needs "really badly" to be in the finale. Michaels reminds them how awesome he is. Peete speaks of her passion and drive and ambition and consistency. (Consistency? Setting an all-time record in between losing twice?) Stone says he's the best leader (yawn) and not a one-trick pony.

But Stone is fired, because both Rancic and Rivers agreed he wasn't finale material. I wouldn't have hated it if he'd made it to the finale, mainly because I think he's capable of more than he ever attempted on this show when he had the option to hide behind others, and I'd like to see that for myself. But week after week, Stone hid behind his other teammates - especially Michaels - and let them take the lead and/or blame on tough decisions. He was very lucky never to have had to answer for a decision.

In a final round of pleas, Peete says to fire Michaels because Osbourne's passion has finally come out. And Michaels says to fire Peete.

Keep in mind that they don't know yet what the final task will be, and the past finales have been fund-raisers, though we saw last year that raising the most money doesn't guarantee a win. There is a lot of tension as each player surely must be silently weighing the fund-raising potential of the others: Peete's incredible, but her donors may be tapped out after that gigantic competition at the gym; Michaels had little opportunity to make calls during the last task and might have some gigantic bucks up his sleeve; and Osbourne may have reserved her deepest-pocketed friends for the finale.

Osbourne begins to cry again, saying she doesn't want to be a loser. She doesn't know who deserves more to be fired, but adds, "I died and came back. I'm strong enough."

And then, despite my numerous (and mostly offline) claims that Osbourne would "definitely" make it to the finale and probably win because she's a friend of NBC, just like Joan Rivers and Piers Morgan, she is fired. She makes a very tearful exit.

Michaels and Peete leave the boardroom on a much friendlier note than Rivers and Duke did last year. No Hitler talk!

Remarks:

I never had any interest in Bret Michaels before this show; I wasn't a fan of hair bands in the 80s, and what little I knew about Michaels was based on SNL's parody of Rock of Love. However, I've been impressed with him ever since week 1. Except for a little bit of drama queening, especially early on, he's been the ultimate team player: he gives 100% to every task, whether the project manager deserves it or not (except that time when Sinbad was PM and Michaels had no idea what to do). He never hid behind other people or delegated important tasks, and he didn't slack off after his big win the first week, as so many other celebrities have done on this show. Even when he wasn't PM, his teammates often looked to him for guidance. (One wonders how things would have turned out if Michael Johnson, who did not seem to trust Michaels as much, hadn't dropped out.) Michaels is actually the best Apprentice, celebrity or non-celebrity, winner or not, that we've seen in many years.

Given recent developments, it won't surprise me if Michaels wins no matter what the outcome of the Snapple task; but I'm hoping that Trop-A-Rocka ends up being a big hit so it won't be an issue.

Epilogue: Please note, I wrote the above "ode to Bret" before I knew the outcome of the Snapple task and finale! The Snapple execs declared the contest a draw (not sure if that was six months ago when they originally taped the show, or more recently), leaving it up to Trump to declare a winner. Trump didn't give a solid reason for choosing Michaels, but at least he didn't spew a bunch of bullshit like last year when he said that Joan Rivers, who compared Annie Duke to Hitler, was a great role model. On the other hand, Michaels isn't such a bad role model, as Apprentices go, so I would have bought that!

5/20/10: Great Moments in "The Office"

Andy: If you say anything, so help me God I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.

Michael: We should give 'em a one-way ticket to Montego Bay, where they keep all the Al-Queda.

Dwight: I don't want to waste your time, and I wouldn't dare waste mine.

Michael: My mind is going a mile an hour.

Toby: Write your own damn novel.

Michael: I have an early dinner that I need to get to... with the Chief of Police.

Stanley: It wasn't me.
Gabe: What a rich timbre your voice has.

David: I am here to talk about "Suck It."

Michael: My new favorite restaurant sucks.

Jo: Nobody'll want to play with my Barbie.

Michael: I Shirley do, and don't call me "Honey."

5/13/10: Great Moments in "The Office"

Michael: Toby has been leaving radon kits everywhere, like he owns the place.

Erin: You probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late.

Jim: So we're going to say the most likely scenario is that Michael matured overnight?

Michael: People, this is Scranton. And many people consider that to be the Paris of northeastern Pennsylvania.

Michael: I asked Donna about this, and she is fine with it. And just to be sure, I asked her again afterward.

Michael: I am Beyonce, always.

Michael: I can't wait to see this jerk who is making me cheat on his wife. I should punch him in the nose for what he's making me do to her.

Gabe: I actually designed that chart. Kind of hoping it catches on.

Andy: We're gay for baseball.

Dwight: Shrute sperm are strong, but they're no match for a grown Shrute man.

Michael: A motel is dirty, and it is sexy, like me and like Donna. And frankly, the stuff that we're into isn't very condo-appropriate.

Celebrity Apprentice, 5/9/2010 (#9): Redrum! Redrum! Redrum!

Recalling the negative comments that Kanellis and Osbourne made about Stone the previous week, Trump swaps the men on the two teams.

RockSolid: Maria Kanellis and Curtis Stone, led by Sharon Osbourne, probably because she's the only one who hasn't won yet.

Tenacity: Cyndi Lauper and Bret Michaels, led by Holly Robinson Peete who didn't want to do it and doesn't need more winnings, but no one else wanted this task.

Ears/Eyes: Junior and Richard LeFrak

Task/Sponsor: Renovate and decorate a corporate (furnished) apartment, including a designated "celebrity room." The project will be judged by Lee Curtis of Bridgestreet Worldwide and designer Jonathan Adler. Richard LeFrak offers a personal donation to double the jackpot to $40,000.

Tenacity: At first, Peete grumbles about getting Michaels on her team, thinking that he will team up with Lauper against her. I don't know why she assumes that, but she quickly falls in love with him when she discovers that he's a true team player: he supports the PM. Lauper wants to do up the place in crazy random retro style; Peete wants zen. Michaels is on board with zen. Lauper suggests a lips-shaped couch and a disco ball to complement the zen look. Instead, she is assigned the celebrity room, which doesn't have to be zen, though Peete does say it should be red.

Much of the tension between Peete and Lauper is temporarily de-fused when they go shopping for furniture and decorations, but ratchets up again when Lauper gets stressed out and is verbally abusive with the hired men that are helping with the renovation. Michaels is shocked by Lauper's rudeness, and he and Peete beg her to be nice.

Michaels misses part of the task because he has a concert. His main contribution to the task is taking photos of the city from the apartment windows to make jumbo prints for the walls, but the prints he gets back are much less than jumbo, so he has to put in a rush job for something bigger. Since the elevator service there is inadequate (it appears most of the building is under renovation and the lifts are either in constant use or out of order), he has to dash up and/or down 17 flights of stairs to get the prints in time for the judging.

RockSolid: Although Kanellis and Osbourne are skeptical about their new teammate, the three are soon working together harmoniously. Almost. The main source of tension is a difference in taste: Osbourne, who has stayed in quite a few of these furnished apartments herself, believes they need to go with a neutral, modern look; she describes Kanellis's taste as "truckstop." Kanellis gripes and lets LeFrak know she doesn't like the plan.

Osbourne predicts that Peete has chosen an Asian theme; this is confirmed by a call to the furniture store. Stone gets a ton of free stuff from Alessi, decorates the kitchen, and recruits his friends to help them paint the apartment.

Outcome: RockSolid wins, though the judges are taken aback by the lack of any drawers in the bedroom and feel that the celebrity room was their weakest. (Osbourne says she doesn't use drawers. Does she hang up her socks and underwear in the closet?)

The judges feel that Tenacity's decorating scheme is cluttered and cheap-looking, and they don't like the seafoam green at all. But they like the Buddha statue, they love the NY photos, and they ADORE Lauper's red celebrity room. (I love seafoam green, thought the rooms looked nice though admittedly too cluttered to be "zen," and I don't think it's appropriate to use a religious figure as a fashion statement especially when you don't know who will be staying in the apartment. I was "wrong" on all counts - I'd surely be screwed in a task like this one!)

Boardroom: After last week's boardroom, Peete grumbled in disapproval because Trump had excused Lauper from the boardroom. (I grumbled more because Peete received no blame for her role in all the bad decisions in that task.) This week, she unloads her frustration to Trump.

To Lauper's horror, Michaels agrees with Peete that Lauper talks too much and was rude to the workers. I ROFL when Peete says that you shouldn't be rude to the people you work with. Really, Peete? You didn't openly diss Lauper in front of the Kodak executives when she was in the bathroom during the second task?

Peete and Lauper go back and forth. Lauper mentions that painting the celebrity room red was Peete's idea, but the rest of that room was all her. Peete brags that she and Michaels did the whole rest of the apartment. (Which the judges didn't like!) She also claims that Lauper asked her about every other aspect of that apartment as well, which isn't what I saw.

In other words, Peete takes credit for the celebrity room that she didn't decorate (other than to say that it should be red) and all the labor she put into the task, but none of the blame for all her decisions that contributed to the team's loss, like the seafoam green paint and the cheap-looking clutter.

Michaels is very quiet through most of this, wisely choosing to stay out of it until Trump wrings some more comments out of him. Michaels says that Lauper doesn't manage her time well. (??)

Trump seizes on the fact that Lauper gave Peete credit for choosing red paint for the celebrity room. He thinks she was foolish to reveal this; I don't know why. True, the judges did like the red room best, but not necessarily because it was red.

Fired: Cyndi Lauper, merely for giving credit where it was due. Trump could have used her rudeness to the workers, her lack of focus, or her 1-room-out-of-6 workload as the reason(s) to fire her; instead, he fired her for something that seems really trivial to me.

Donation: $40,000 to the Cedars-Sinai Sharon Osbourne Colon Cancer Program, which provides help for colon cancer sufferers and their families.

Remarks:

• Stone says that $40,000 for Osbourne's charity will mean 40,000 colon cancer screenings. I'm a little confused by that (surely it costs more than a dollar per test?), but it sounds good.
  
  
• Strangely, Peete claims in the boardroom that Osbourne used to tell Lauper to STFU. The way Lauper and I both remember it, Osbourne was telling Peete to STFU when she was being condescending to Lauper.
  
  
• After the boardroom, Michaels tries to end things on a friendly note, but Lauper won't have any of it and makes a beeline for the elevator. She grumbles in the cab ride and thinks Peete will be lost without her.
  

5/6/10: Great Moments in "The Office"

Michael: I'm actually having trouble focusing on my job.

Oscar: That seems quick, even for lesbians.

Dwight: $100 a day, plus expenses.
Michael: I'll give you 50. Money's no object.

Michael: We didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives.

Michael: You work at an adult arcade. You could have any man you want.

Creed: I've done a lot more for a lot less.

Michael: I just remembered that I have to go to the bathroom. Pam?

Gabe: That's good for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.

Darryl: You should talk in a higher voice 'cause the camera makes you sound weird.

Darryl: I don't wanna prank anymore. Things get real.

Michael: I'm the mistress?

Dwight: If they catch us, they will rape us. Go for the cliff!!

4/29/10: Great Moments in "The Office"

Dwight: I have it on good authority that within 20 years, everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.

Oscar: Your office is full of genitalia.

Dwight: White people; right?

Jim: Maybe you shouldn't try to kiss people at work.

Donna: In my 20s, it would have been annoying. In my late 20s, I find it really flattering.

Creed: You can only ooze two things: sexuality and pus.

Oscar: In this case, it makes financial sense to gain money.

Pam: Most printer sales are done over the phone, Ms. Boobshirt.

Stanley: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.

Dwight: Causasians; am I right?

Hide: In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand.

Andy: When I tore my scrote, I was seeing this really hot neurologist about it, and thought she was into me, but now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO.

Michael: People don't just take barrettes off.

Gabe: They're going to be pretty pleased in Tallahassee that I snagged an Indian for the program.

Dwight: Just once, I would like to be a puppetmaster and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?

Celebrity Apprentice, 5/2/2010 (#8): The Summer Wind Blows Away

Ears/Eyes: Ivanka & Eric Trump. Eric is another Trump son. He seems like he might be better at this than Junior, but perhaps he's simply more telegenic. It's hard to tell with just one episode.

Task/Sponsor: Produce three 30-second radio ads for Clockwork Home Services. The sponsor will donate an additional $20K to the winning team.

In their meetings with the teams, the Clockwork execs come across as a couple of stiffs. They specifically warn the teams against the use of humor - especially humor at plumbers' expense. However, perhaps we get a clue as to what they really want when one of them says that plumbers are often the "butt" of jokes.

Rocksolid: Maria Kanellis and Sharon Osbourne, led by Bret Michaels who volunteered.

Knowing that one of the ads is for a plumbing service, they immediately envision lots of poop jokes, fart jokes, and female plumbing jokes, but their hopes are soon dashed after meeting with the seemingly humorless execs. With the no-jokes warning still ringing in his ears, Michaels insists on including a "plumber's crack" pun. Kanellis, Osbourne, and even Ivanka express their doubts, but Michaels insists it's the way to go and promises to take the hit if it fails. Another ad uses cheesy 70s-style porn music and a mildly suggestive script.

Not surprisingly, the execs wince when they hear the plumber's crack joke. But one of them comments to the other that he likes Michaels as a salesman.

Tenacity: Cyndi Lauper, Holly Robinson Peete, Curtis Stone, led by Summer Sanders, who volunteers.

Like RockSolid, the team is disappointed when they realize that even their relatively mild jokes are likely to fall flat. (It doesn't help, though, that Peete asks about humor in a negative way rather than a positive way.) Again, there's a clue to the execs' sense of humor when Lauper asks why they named their plumbing service, rather than their electrician service, after Ben Franklin. The execs' answer (that Franklin took his bathtub with him when he moved) is corny, but when Lauper goes on and on about how Franklin liked to take baths with women, it doesn't seem to ruin their day. Sanders and Peete might be mortified by Lauper's comments, but the execs seem charmed. (Really, you could make a LOT of jokes about Ben Franklin's enjoyment of ladies' pipes.)

Sanders and Robinson conspire to keep Lauper "focused." Stone tells us they're a bit bitchy. But the apparent prohibition against jokes seems to imbue all of them with a sense of humor, and they blow off steam for a while, making jokes they know they won't be able to use.

Their ads are very wordy and rushed, but more informative than RockSolid's. Like Lauper, Stone (perhaps still stinging from last week's loss due to lack of originality, and perhaps also remembering that his old team's super-texty LifeLock ad didn't do very well either) feels that they should still try to be just a tiny bit edgy and original. He questions their direction, and Sanders waffles for a moment, but she and Robinson decide to press on with the blandest, most conservative ads they can possible come up with. Lauper gripes, but does as they ask.

Sanders also waffles on whether or not to let Lauper, a Grammy award-winning recording artist, sing in their ad. Peete advises against it because Lauper's voice isn't "mainstream" and urges Sanders and Lauper to let the "professionals" they hired to take care of it. But with reservations, Sanders nervously allows Lauper to sing in just one ad.

Outcome: The execs expected to hear a lot more of Lauper in Tenacity's ads, and felt that their ads were too talky, not particularly original, and sounded like any other ad they'd hear on the radio. They thought Tenacity's ads were okay, but felt that RockSolid's ads were fantastic. They didn't like the line "people crack a lot of jokes about plumbers," but on the other hand, they liked the electrical service ad (the least edgy of the three) enough to put on the air as-is.

Boardroom: When asked his opinion, Michaels suggests firing Sanders because she's the toughest. Osbourne recommends firing Stone because he's smug and Australian. Maria goes so far as to say she'd like to punch him. (Earlier in the show, she swiped a slice of pizza from him to give to Michaels, so who should be wanting to punch whom?) Sanders and/or Peete sayfs that Stone's scripting efforts were "too Australian." (Like a little editing couldn't have fixed that?)

Sanders gets to send one person back to the suite. Naturally, she sends her buddy Peete - the one person who advised making the ads as conservative as possible. But she refrains from criticizing Lauper. In return, Lauper very kindly doesn't tell Trump that Sanders was nervous about her singing and that Peete specifically lobbied against it. She blames her non-singing on laryngitis instead.

Ivanka observes that Stone isn't respected. I would have enjoyed more exploration of this subject, because he's been very good at dodging blame and responsibility, but this conversation doesn't go anywhere. Stone and Sanders blame one another, and Trump sends Lauper back to the suite.

Stone says he wanted them to be more edgy, but Sanders decided against it. However, Eric feels that Stone was too reserved in his objections. Stone makes a minimal effort to keep the blame on Sanders. Minimal effort is all that's required - Sanders just isn't good at boardroom.

Ivanka points out that this is Sanders's first boardroom. Sanders latches onto this, sort of: she asks permission to use it to defend herself. But it is too little, too late.

Fired: Sanders, for not being able to make a case for herself.

Donation: Michaels gets an additional $40,000 for the American Diabetes Association's camps for kids with diabetes, adding to his previous $100,000 winnings from week 1.

Remarks:

• At the end of the episode, there's another wish for a speedy recovery for Bret Michaels.
  
  
• Peete and Sanders are annoyed when Lauper warms up her voice in the van after a mild bout of laryngitis. Honestly!
  
  
• While Sanders and Peete often do come across as dour and humorless, I'm still laughing at the memory of the Right Guard ad they did with Scottie Pippen putting deodorant on stinky young men. I understand why it didn't win, but it was funny. And that was all Peete's idea.
  
  
• When Lauper's been in charge, Peete and Kanellis have both whined that Lauper doesn't give them credit for the things that they've achieved. This is usually in the context of Lauper wanting to do something that she does for a living - something that's practically a bodily function for her. I understand the frustration of feeling that they're not getting a chance to shine, but when a team win is on the line, isn't it a good idea to squelch the ego just a bit? Peete's telling Lauper to let the "professionals" handle the singing deserves a spot in the Irony Hall of Fame. (If such a thing doesn't exist, I should create one.)