Michael: I'm actually thinking of getting my own set of putt-putt golf clubs.
Michael: If she starts having sex with me, I'll know for sure.
Phyllis: You're making a knife with a knife?
Dwight: She introduced me to so many things: pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism, presents on your birthday, preventative medicine...
Phyllis: Angela's not really a risk taker, and Andy's not a risk.
Michael: If we turn these dials all the way down, now THEY CAN'T HEAR US.
Kevin: Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges.
Dwight: Motive - financial, or possibly vintage HP computer collectors.
Michael: So much for sex without consequences.
Andy: You're always safe with me. I'm a very good screamer.
Creed: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.
Michael: It squeaks when you bang it. That's what she said.
Dwight: You slap like a girl.
Dwight: I'll tell you what Phyllis did wrong. She stuck her nose in my business and tried to help me.
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