10/29/09: Great Moments in "The Office"

Andy: It was going to resolve the melody, so... now my head hurts. Feels like I held in a sneeze.

Michael: Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in.
Angela: So a child had fallen in?
Michael: Not yet!

Andy: I date models. Face models. My girlfriend, on a scale of 1 to Gisele? Uh, a 9.

Andy: The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing like you just bit into an Adam-Sandler-and-jelly sandwich.

Erin: David Wallace called. He heard you made a big "splash" at the meeting.

Michael: I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke.

Creed: Who's your worm guy?

Dwight: Jim is my enemy. But it also turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy. So actually, Jim is my enemy. But...

Erin: Hand them to me upside-down so I don't accidentally read them.

10/22/09: Great Moments in "The Office"

Michael: Pam's mom, Helene. Remember? From the wedding?

Michael: I have a good thing with the mom. She's right on my way home from work.

Michael: That is amazing. I feel like a real Puerto Rican.

Michael: I am your boss and I may someday be your father.

Kelly: Ryan, I have to ask you a personal question. Do you think that I should get a fedora?

Toby: Pull up a chair and sit. Or on the shredder.

Michael: I'm gonna start dating her even harder.

10/15/09: Great Moments in "The Office"

Michael: Come in the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage.

Michael: There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman than having to listen to a bad salesman. It's like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player.

Kevin: I started borrowing his office to fart in.

Dwight: I knew it. More trunk space. Or should I say corpse space.

Michael: He also vaguely threatened me with testicular cancer.

Dwight: "R" is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it murder, not mukduk.

Michael: Too many different words coming out at me from too many different sentences.

Dwight: Criminals are like raccoons. You give them a taste of cat food, pretty soon they'll be back for the whole cat.

Michael: I will have the spaghetti with a side salad. If the salad is on top, I send it back.

Kevin: I wouldn't last in jail, Oscar. I'm not like you.

Andy: Sorry. Kind of a long day at the mechanic store. You gotta leaky spark tube, so your car's totalled. You're gonna want to get a refund on that.

Michael: It's just the cost of a cup of coffee an hour.

10/8/09: Great Moments in "The Office" Wedding Jumbo Special!

Dwight: I guess I missed the meeting where we all voted for you to get pregnant.

Jim: This is a firecracker-free wedding.

Angela: Some of us have to be our own grandmother.

Andy: Not only is Erin really sweet and cute, she smells like my mom.

Pam: We should have hired a professional to take the mental pictures.

Dwight: You are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. Ah, to be in your shoes.

Pam: She's the only 80-year-old with no smile wrinkles.

Pam: Nobody's perfect.
Meemaw: I wouldn't care to live if I thought that.

Kevin: Oscar, I would be proud to date you.

Jim: Is there something about being a manager that makes you say stupid things?
Michael: I have not found that to be the case.

Michael: They're going to name the baby after you, you know. They're gonna call it Meemaw.

Dwight: I invented a device called "Burger on the Go." It allows you to obtain six regular size hamburgers or twelve sliders from a horse without killing the animal.

Meredith: Crotch injuries are the worst. You don't need to tell me.

Michael: I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. And I have another one of them in the nude, but that one is for me.

Kevin: The peeing is fast, Oscar. It's getting my tie back on.

Angela: Relax, you'll get your shot at Jim. Those two treat the whole office like a 1970s key party.

Kevin: My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece.

10/1/09: Great Moments in "The Office"

Jim: Where's the "please"? We're not animals.

Oscar: Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents.

Michael: What part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets...

Pam: Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash?

David: Michael, are you texting me?

Michael: I don't see you any more. All I can see is how big and gross the pores on your nose are.

Creed: Hey, why haven't we ever, uh...
Meredith: We have.

Kevin: In the memo line, I'm gonna write "To love's eternal glory."

Michael: This had better be terrible.

Michael: They all have heart-ons for you.

Meredith: At least Jim was being direct when he was telling us his dumbass plan.

Dwight: They determine our worth by putting beans on our faces.